How do you deal with..

[monkeygirl]

hi resident

 

sorry you are going through such a tough time. it sounds so difficult. as you say, you have your own difficulties what with the anniversary of your child's death coming up and i totally get your feeling of wanting to run away from it all. you must feel trapped.

 

i want to try to re-assure you re the comments re being sectioned. i have a lot of experience personally and professionally of the mental health system and it really isn't that easy to get sectioned. the system is under incredible pressure at the moment which means that a lot of people who need extra help and support, including in-patient care, simply don't get it. you raising concerns re your dad's health is a very long way from someone being sectioned so please do try not to worry about this.

 

i agree with what others have said re contacting people like ageuk and do book to see the gp and express your concerns - of course being ready for a "no comment" response. check out first which are the good gp's to see - who is going to be the best re this sort of difficulty.a friend of mine once did that for me - she rang the reception at the gp and said, "my friend is depressed and i want her to see someone who is going to be particuarly good with her" and they were good enough to suggest which drs had the most experience in that field. my own experience is that having a good gp on your side is worth its' weight in gold and they will move mountains for you and get all sorts of balls rolling if you get a good one.

 

also, in all this, make sure you are taking care of yourself and looking after your own needs.if you're not ok you won't be able to help anyone

 

good luck and i really am thinking of you

[tinfoilhat]

You have my sympathy, Resident. I doubt your Dad needs to be 'sectioned' (and I suspect you would encounter great difficulty and alienate the rest of your family if you tried to go down that route.)

 

From what you've said, your Dad may be suffering from some form of dementia and needs help.

 

Go and talk to his GP.

 

If you take him to his GP, I suggest you talk to that Doctor beforehand and make up a reason (for your Dad) to persuade him to go and see the Doctor.

 

That's the problem though if I've read it right - getting someone who really doesn't want to go to a gp, to go to a gp.

[monkeygirl]

i'm no expert on that but i would imagine that it would be a fairly common problem for someone with dementia or early signs of it to realise they need help from a gp.i could well be wrong but surely drs will have encountered this before and have ways round of "encouraging" someone to seek help. like someone has said, by going to the drs for a routine check up and bringing the conversation round to things.that's my guess anyway.

 

my friends mum has alzheimers and it has been so tough for the family

[Rupert_Baehr]

That's the problem though if I've read it right - getting someone who really doesn't want to go to a gp, to go to a gp.

 

Medusa suggested a number of 'fairy stories' which might take a parent in need of treatment to a doctor. - They're all worth a try.

 

Most of us (I suspect) would be more than a little reluctant to tell 'fairy stories' to our parents, but there are times when the medical equivalent of the Easter Bunny is not only necessary, but might save a parent's life.

 

Both my father and my Mother-in-Law were Alzheimer's sufferers. I respected and loved both dearly. I wasn't Dad's carer - but I saw what my mother went through and I learnt a lot. I was my MIL's carer and when I had to 'make up a story' to get her to a Doctor, it hurt me.

 

It wasn't about how I felt, however. - The important thing was to get her the care she needed.

 

I wish you luck, Resident. You're going to need it - particularly if the rest of the family are not able to see the problem.

[Resident]

Hi,

 

Thanks for all the replies. TBH just seeing that others understand is helping. I know that probably sounds daft but it is what it is. I've been reading through links etc that I've been sent by friends that know my situation.

 

I've made an appointment to see the GP, luckily he 'takes care' of all the family so seeing him won't raise any suspicions. Getting my father to the GP isn't an issue, he already attends regularly because of his physical issues.

 

I'm going to try to get the GP to suggest some form of "routine screening" given family history but as it's been said above he won't go because he won't admit there's an issue. I suppose in a way it's similar to booze/drug addicts.

 

We had another mild episode with him today whilst he was watching a quiz show. Category was Shakespearean plays and he said "True Lies" was a play. When my mother said it was a Schwarzenegger movie he got verbally abusive and stormed out the room.

[Rupert_Baehr]

Hi,

 

...We had another mild episode with him today whilst he was watching a quiz show. Category was Shakespearean plays and he said "True Lies" was a play. When my mother said it was a Schwarzenegger movie he got verbally abusive and stormed out the room.

 

Not an uncommon symptom, unfortunately. Both my Dad and my MIL went through the 'aggressive' phase ...the only good thing is that most people do go through it!!

 

Expect it to get more difficult before it gets easier, though. Both of the people I knew were extremely offensive at times. It was difficult to accept that it was the disease, not the person which was causing the problem.

 

It's easy to say 'you have to make allowances', but for some reason, it's difficult (or it was for me) to accept that I had to make allowances for people who had guided me when they were well.