tifftifco2 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 My partner of 11 years lost his nan to cancer last week, we were not particularly close but saw her as often as we could and thought alot about her and loved her obviulsy. she was my childrens great nan aswell and on the day she died i was speaking to my mum (who has real jealousy issuses about my close relasionship with partners side). She was talking fine untill i said id been at the inlaws all day trying to help them out and through this time. I asked her where my partners nans body would be (as he wanted to go see her at chapel of rest) she has been through 2 losses in recent years so thought she would no the timescales of processes etc, mourge, chapel of rest etc. She replied "well she will be in the mourge wont she, she'll be in the freezers in the mourge thats what they do wi th them she'll be in the freezers". I cut her short and said stop it mum she laughed and said "oh sorry i forgot you dont like things like that" and laughed. I ended the conversation and shortly afterwords sent her a text to say i thought what she said was a bit insensitive and i didnt appreciate it on a day like today as his nan meant alot to me. She replied that i took it wrong way and that im out of order to ask how wuld she of like it if id of said that to her when she lost her brother, this in turn caused a right tantrum. She now no longer wants to hear from me. Can i just have honest opnions please, i will admit if im wrong but i dont think i am but if you think i am please say. Im not a child and i will admit if im wrong and she knows that but shes text me saying im completley out of order. I was calm and not nasty at all in the messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neeeeeeeeeek Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 If anything, the situation should teach you that life is too short for pointless bickering and falling out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosemary19 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Perhaps she feels that when she was grieving for those close to her who have gone, she didn't receive quite the same sympathy and understanding. I haven't voted because I really don't know how anyone can judge without knowing why it was said and what made her say it, and why you and your mother have a strained relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 My partner of 11 years lost his nan to cancer last week, we were not particularly close but saw her as often as we could and thought alot about her and loved her obviulsy. she was my childrens great nan aswell and on the day she died i was speaking to my mum (who has real jealousy issuses about my close relasionship with partners side). She was talking fine untill i said id been at the inlaws all day trying to help them out and through this time. I asked her where my partners nans body would be (as he wanted to go see her at chapel of rest) she has been through 2 losses in recent years so thought she would no the timescales of processes etc, mourge, chapel of rest etc. She replied "well she will be in the mourge wont she, she'll be in the freezers in the mourge thats what they do wi th them she'll be in the freezers". I cut her short and said stop it mum she laughed and said "oh sorry i forgot you dont like things like that" and laughed. I ended the conversation and shortly afterwords sent her a text to say i thought what she said was a bit insensitive and i didnt appreciate it on a day like today as his nan meant alot to me. She replied that i took it wrong way and that im out of order to ask how wuld she of like it if id of said that to her when she lost her brother, this in turn caused a right tantrum. She now no longer wants to hear from me. Can i just have honest opnions please, i will admit if im wrong but i dont think i am but if you think i am please say. Im not a child and i will admit if im wrong and she knows that but shes text me saying im completley out of order. I was calm and not nasty at all in the messages. I'm sure the last thing your Gran would have wanted was for you to fall out over this. It really doesn't matter whose right or wrong. Mend fences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tifftifco2 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Share Posted October 5, 2013 If anything, the situation should teach you that life is too short for pointless bickering and falling out. very true. ---------- Post added 05-10-2013 at 18:38 ---------- I'm sure the last thing your Gran would have wanted was for you to fall out over this. It really doesn't matter whose right or wrong. Mend fences. Yeah your right its just she does this everytime its a family occasion or in this case bereavment on the in laws side and i just get tired of it. ---------- Post added 05-10-2013 at 18:41 ---------- Perhaps she feels that when she was grieving for those close to her who have gone, she didn't receive quite the same sympathy and understanding. I haven't voted because I really don't know how anyone can judge without knowing why it was said and what made her say it, and why you and your mother have a strained relationship. I was there for her exactly the same when my 2 uncles died and held her hand through the funerals but for some reason me being there for my partners side is something she has never accepted to the point shes caused that much trouble with them they no longer speak to her its so messy and im always stuck in the middle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melthebell Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 If anything, the situation should teach you that life is too short for pointless bickering and falling out. indeed when my dad died, my siter went to his funeral but didnt go to see him in hospital as they fell out over something nearly 20 years ago, things like that do play on your mind sometimes on the other hand, last time i saw mi dad before he died, he apologised for something hed done to me as a youth, he knew he had to clear his conscience before it was too late i told him its ok, it was fine, its what set me onto the path i am today and made me the man i am today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosemary19 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I was there for her exactly the same when my 2 uncles died and held her hand through the funerals but for some reason me being there for my partners side is something she has never accepted to the point shes caused that much trouble with them they no longer speak to her : (its so messy and im always stuck in the middle. I'm sorry to hear that.If she's caused so much trouble and been so possessive its easy to understand how you feel. It sounds as if this is an on going communication problem that hasn't been resolved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utah Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I voted yes, it was insensitive. Its not about who's bickering, its about it upsetting you. She was wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien52 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I'm sure the last thing your Gran would have wanted was for you to fall out over this. It really doesn't matter whose right or wrong. Mend fences. Or it could have been her last wish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliceBB Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 It does sound insensitive on her part. I would leave seeking out contact with her until you're feeling a little stronger. But don't be estranged too long and don't try to communicate/make up via text in the first instance. It's a recipe for disaster, because it is often easy to misinterpret tone in texts. Face to face is much better. Tell her honestly and calmly how her comments made you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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