Was it insensitive to say this?

[Owethemnowt]

You're better off accepting the unpleasantness and leaving it at that.

 

The talk about always reconciling is nonsense.

 

You don't have to make any peace, life is too short, be walked over.

 

Move on. Better move away, stay away, enjoy your own life and don't spend it trying to placate some misery.

 

Choose you friends and ditch your family.

[pintsized]

She could have been a little more sensitive towards you given the conversation you were having, but I think with the situation as it was, you probably took more offence to it than may have been necessary. It seems too small a thing to fall out over forever. Maybe take a little time until things calm down and then go and have a talk with her and give both parties chance to sit down and say their piece.

[tifftifco2]

indeed

 

when my dad died, my siter went to his funeral but didnt go to see him in hospital as they fell out over something nearly 20 years ago, things like that do play on your mind sometimes

on the other hand, last time i saw mi dad before he died, he apologised for something hed done to me as a youth, he knew he had to clear his conscience before it was too late

i told him its ok, it was fine, its what set me onto the path i am today and made me the man i am today

 

Thats good you cleared that up before he passed on, many people dont get the chance. Thanks for reply.

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:06 ----------

 

She could have been a little more sensitive towards you given the conversation you were having, but I think with the situation as it was, you probably took more offence to it than may have been necessary. It seems too small a thing to fall out over forever. Maybe take a little time until things calm down and then go and have a talk with her and give both parties chance to sit down and say their piece.

 

Maybe yes, it was a hard day, its just always the same but i understand what your saying. I have forgiven her so many times and she carries on hurting me.

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:09 ----------

 

You're better off accepting the unpleasantness and leaving it at that.

 

The talk about always reconciling is nonsense.

 

You don't have to make any peace, life is too short, be walked over.

 

Move on. Better move away, stay away, enjoy your own life and don't spend it trying to placate some misery.

 

Choose you friends and ditch your family.

 

This is advice i have been given a few times and sometimes i think it would be the best way. I just feel sorry for her shes on her own lives in a flat and hasnt been with anyone since she divorced my dad 22 years ago who sadly isnt here anymore but did when he knew he was dying try and warn me about her

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:14 ----------

 

It does sound insensitive on her part. I would leave seeking out contact with her until you're feeling a little stronger. But don't be estranged too long and don't try to communicate/make up via text in the first instance. It's a recipe for disaster, because it is often easy to misinterpret tone in texts. Face to face is much better. Tell her honestly and calmly how her comments made you feel.

 

I agree, and i will leave it to see how i feel for a while. The thing i tried to tell her how her comments made me feel and she said "oh shut up thats what happens stop being silly" she just doesnt get that i didnt want to think of his nan a few hours after she had died like that. I told her i no how a mourge works i worked in the hospital for 4 years and im a student nurse!! but she failed to realise how raw it was that day but god forbid if id of said that to her when she lost her brother she would of broke down. She is the sort of person that if she is wrong she will fight tooth and nail to prove she isnt then when she has no alternitive to admit it sulks off and wont talk or turns on the tears. Im not allow to feel hurt she is always right always has been.

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:17 ----------

 

Or it could have been her last wish.

 

Thanks for your reply but his nan didnt really no about what was going on she knew we had problems but didnt get involved, i didnt burden her with it, though i think my partners mum had told her bits over the years.

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:18 ----------

 

I voted yes, it was insensitive. Its not about who's bickering, its about it upsetting you. She was wrong.

 

Thats how i felt and thankyou because i think there is a way to say things and at times like bereavement you should be sensitive to how you respond to people in what you say.

 

---------- Post added 06-10-2013 at 08:21 ----------

 

I'm sorry to hear that.If she's caused so much trouble and been so possessive its easy to understand how you feel. It sounds as if this is an on going communication problem that hasn't been resolved.

 

Its terrible it really is, i had some counselling about this last year and she told me it was understandable if i walked away forever as i told her everything but because of my children i cant its not fair on her or them.

[fairyworld14]

I have to say , when relatives are ill & dying it brings the worst out in people . Your Mum obviously has issues which make her appear selfish in my opinion. She sounds quite tactless & obviously didn't think about what effects her comments would have on you at this difficult time . Your Mum could be lonely if she is living on her own & this could be why she resents your relationship with your in laws. I really wouldn't use texting to get back in touch , because it is such a cold way of communication . I would leave it for now as everything is raw & you wouldn't get anywhere at moment. Leave the door open with your Mum as I think that something may be able to be done in the future . Just support your in laws now & see what happens later on with regards your Mum .

[Just Sarah]

My partner of 11 years lost his nan to cancer last week, we were not particularly close but saw her as often as we could and thought alot about her and loved her obviulsy. she was my childrens great nan aswell and on the day she died i was speaking to my mum (who has real jealousy issuses about my close relasionship with partners side). She was talking fine untill i said id been at the inlaws all day trying to help them out and through this time. I asked her where my partners nans body would be (as he wanted to go see her at chapel of rest) she has been through 2 losses in recent years so thought she would no the timescales of processes etc, mourge, chapel of rest etc. She replied "well she will be in the mourge wont she, she'll be in the freezers in the mourge thats what they do wi th them she'll be in the freezers". I cut her short and said stop it mum she laughed and said "oh sorry i forgot you dont like things like that" and laughed. I ended the conversation and shortly afterwords sent her a text to say i thought what she said was a bit insensitive and i didnt appreciate it on a day like today as his nan meant alot to me. She replied that i took it wrong way and that im out of order to ask how wuld she of like it if id of said that to her when she lost her brother, this in turn caused a right tantrum. She now no longer wants to hear from me.

 

Can i just have honest opnions please, i will admit if im wrong but i dont think i am but if you think i am please say. Im not a child and i will admit if im wrong and she knows that but shes text me saying im completley out of order. I was calm and not nasty at all in the messages.

 

Youre mum sounds like a mardy bitch. Im sorry but she does. Dont blame yourself in any way, you have done nothing wrong.