Children in cafés and restaurants

[I1L2T3]

You misunderstand. I'm not torturing myself in the slightest, nor am I saying that children should be seen and not heard in restaurants... just not so loud and boistrous that they frequently disrupt other customers' meals.

 

In an ideal world, all restaurants should welcome families. It seems to work well in most European countries - why do we have to have different eating places for adults and families? But parents have some responsibility, surely - to keep their kids engaged during the meal by not ignoring them, by teaching them some table manners so that it doesn't end up as a riot, and in the end, being willing to take them outside to prevent their screaming through (and ruining) everyone's lunchtime.

 

The conclusion you have to come to is that some parents can't be arsed to invest the time and energy to teach their kids good behaviour, or that they lack the parenting skills to deal with poor behaviour when it arises. It's not the children's fault, is it?

 

And (again)...the pub in which my evening was spoilt was not a family restaurant and it was 9.30 at night. It wasn't McDonalds on a Saturday lunchtime - I agree, it would be unrealistic to expect a pleasant, peaceful eating experience there!

 

No, I think parents should control their kids. But you should be realistic to know that if you go in a family dining spot and there are several families given the unpredictability of kids the chances of a 100% success rate of all the kids being fully under control for the duration of your visit are pretty remote. I'm guessing if that 100% success isn't achieved then you consider your meal to have been ruined. You're too sensitive.

 

Why can't kids eat at 9.30 at night? What time do you think they should eat? I sense that you were just irritated that they were even there.

[Harleyman]

Every time I go in a café (or restaurant during the day), I seem to be plagued by the wailing/grizzling/screaming of toddlers whose parents do not seem remotely interested in them.

 

Typically, the parents will sit at the table chatting away and enjoying their meal/drink, while the bored toddler sits facing away from them in a buggy. The only strategy the parents seem to have to entertain them is to let them play with a mobile phone; the novelty of that wears off after a while and the grizzling resumes.

 

Older children are often to be seen glued to their iPads etc., and are generally quiet, but even so it seems a pity that they cannot be included in the sociability of the occasion.

 

What do you do with your kids in cafés? Do you think it's OK to keep them quiet through the whole meal with electronic games?

 

So long as the little Bs keep quiet that's all that matters. I dont care how they do it.

We generally make sure we dont sit near any other diners with kids

[aliceBB]

But you should be realistic to know that if you go in a family dining spot and there are several families given the unpredictability of kids the chances of a 100% success rate of all the kids being fully under control for the duration of your visit are pretty remote.

For the last time, I wasn't in a family dining spot.

 

I'm guessing if that 100% success isn't achieved then you consider your meal to have been ruined. You're too sensitive.

Please don't twist what I said. I have three kids and I appreciate that 100% perfect behaviour from every child for the duration of a meal (wherever it is) is probably unrealistic. But there is a difference between the odd burst of chaos/loud laughter/loud conversation/arguing and continuous selfish disregard for other people...which was what I (and everyone else in the pub) was subjected to the other night.

 

Why can't kids eat at 9.30 at night? What time do you think they should eat? I sense that you were just irritated that they were even there.

They're welcome to eat at whatever time their parents want them to, as long as they aren't so wound up/tired/irritable that they end up making everyone's experience a misery. All other things being equal though, kids eat better when they are not too tired. I'd say 9.30 on a school night is too late for most under 10s, wouldn't you?

[Andy]

When I was a kid, if we ever went to the pub (a very rare occasion indeed, limited to holidays), we had to sit in the "Family Room". Or if it was sunny, we could sit outside. But not in the bar area.

 

Mind you, pubs were different then. You went to drink, not to eat,

 

But would there be merit in bringing back the "Family Room" for the people who insist on taking out of control children to the pub?

[I1L2T3]

For the last time, I wasn't in a family dining spot.

 

Please don't twist what I said. I have three kids and I appreciate that 100% perfect behaviour from every child for the duration of a meal (wherever it is) is probably unrealistic. But there is a difference between the odd burst of chaos/loud laughter/loud conversation/arguing and continuous selfish disregard for other people...which was what I (and everyone else in the pub) was subjected to the other night.

 

They're welcome to eat at whatever time their parents want them to, as long as they aren't so wound up/tired/irritable that they end up making everyone's experience a misery. All other things being equal though, kids eat better when they are not too tired. I'd say 9.30 on a school night is too late for most under 10s, wouldn't you?

 

OK, it was a place that sells food that also welcomes kids. Or they wouldn't have been in there.

 

What if there had been no kids in there and adults had been boisterous, talking loudly and laughing. Often see it with groups of people who are out. Would you be upset by that? Would it ruin your meal?

 

It was the school holidays last week.

[Bonzo77]

I'm glad to hear it.

 

I suppose what I'm unhappy about (and unwilling to tolerate) is the attitude (which you seem to endorse) that it is inevitable that children will behave badly when in public, and that everyone should accept that as a fact and just 'get over it'.

 

I think kids can be great company and I have no objection whatsoever to them being in restaurants, pubs, etc., as long as they do not wreck other customers' enjoyment. For their parents to allow them to do so is simply antisocial and selfish, and they are doing their kids no favours by not stopping them from being rowdy/whiny/generally loud and annoying. You wouldn't accept loud, rowdy behaviour in a resturant from an adult or group of adults - so why is it OK for children to behave like that when they are in a public place where people's enjoyment of their food, etc., depends on the atmosphere being generally quiet and peaceful? It's not a football terrace, or a shopping centre, or a playground. Expectations are different.

 

It's not ok for kids to play up in public, but they do. If I'm taking my family out for a meal to a café or bar on West Street, during the day or tea time and my 4 year old starts playing up, I'm not cancelling g the meal and going home. I'll do my best to resolve it and carry on. If there's some stuck up idiots who dislike children; they'll have to put up with it.

[aliceBB]

OK, it was a place that sells food that also welcomes kids. Or they wouldn't have been in there.

That is an entirely illogical conclusion. It was a small local pub which served bar meals, frequented mainly by locals, their dogs, and walkers. The fact that one family with young children was in there does not mean they were 'welcome', although had they made less noise I can't see why there would have been a problem. The landlady herself said after they had finally left that she didn't understand why people brought children out to eat if they couldn't behave properly. The rest of us wished she'd shared that thought with the family concerned.

 

What if there had been no kids in there and adults had been boisterous, talking loudly and laughing. Often see it with groups of people who are out. Would you be upset by that? Would it ruin your meal?

Quite possibly...depends on the context, though. A Christmas party in a busy restaurant, fair enough. A small, quiet café or pub off the beaten track, less so. Obviously we all have different noise tolerance thresholds, but it becomes antisocially selfish and disruptive when you cannot hear what the person next to you is saying because of the noise from another table.

 

It was the school holidays last week

Not in the North East - and the children in question were going to school the next day (they spent a long time moaning about this fact...loudly!)

[Bonzo77]

That is an entirely illogical conclusion. It was a small local pub which served bar meals, frequented mainly by locals, their dogs, and walkers. The fact that one family with young children was in there does not mean they were 'welcome', although had they made less noise I can't see why there would have been a problem. The landlady herself said after they had finally left that she didn't understand why people brought children out to eat if they couldn't behave properly. The rest of us wished she'd shared that thought with the family concerned.

 

Quite possibly...depends on the context, though. A Christmas party in a busy restaurant, fair enough. A small, quiet café or pub off the beaten track, less so. Obviously we all have different noise tolerance thresholds, but it becomes antisocially selfish and disruptive when you cannot hear what the person next to you is saying because of the noise from another table.

 

Not in the North East - and the children in question were going to school the next day (they spent a long time moaning about this fact...loudly!)

 

I can understand your frustration with the situation that you mention. The kids were old, should know better, it was gone 8:30 so they should have been at home and the parents sounded like they were just as bad.

However, if it was earlier in the day and the kids were younger, I wouldn't have any issues.

Also, you should be careful. It's all well and good acting tough on a forum, but if you actually are giving kids funny looks, just because they're being kids, then you may end up regretting it one day. Just saying.

[aliceBB]

Also, you should be careful. It's all well and good acting tough on a forum, but if you actually are giving kids funny looks, just because they're being kids, then you may end up regretting it one day. Just saying.

 

Hold on. I wasn't 'giving the kids funny looks', I was glaring at the parents. There is no point whatsoever in staring/glaring at badly behaved children - they don't understand and it would not change their behaviour. With some parents, they haven't a clue either and genuinely don't 'get' why others in the same room as their noisy offspring are annoyed by them...but you have to cling onto the hope that they have some sense of social awareness. Fortunately, most do but sadly, some do not.

[I1L2T3]

That is an entirely illogical conclusion. It was a small local pub which served bar meals, frequented mainly by locals, their dogs, and walkers. The fact that one family with young children was in there does not mean they were 'welcome', although had they made less noise I can't see why there would have been a problem. The landlady herself said after they had finally left that she didn't understand why people brought children out to eat if they couldn't behave properly. The rest of us wished she'd shared that thought with the family concerned.

 

Quite possibly...depends on the context, though. A Christmas party in a busy restaurant, fair enough. A small, quiet café or pub off the beaten track, less so. Obviously we all have different noise tolerance thresholds, but it becomes antisocially selfish and disruptive when you cannot hear what the person next to you is saying because of the noise from another table.

 

Not in the North East - and the children in question were going to school the next day (they spent a long time moaning about this fact...loudly!)

 

No it's a totally logical conclusion. If they are sitting in a bar eating food then the landlady must have been happy to sell and serve the food.

 

Do you have a low tolerance for noise? If you do then you need to think carefully about where you eat. You will be happier.

 

---------- Post added 28-04-2014 at 11:08 ----------

 

Hold on. I wasn't 'giving the kids funny looks', I was glaring at the parents. There is no point whatsoever in staring/glaring at badly behaved children - they don't understand and it would not change their behaviour. With some parents, they haven't a clue either and genuinely don't 'get' why others in the same room as their noisy offspring are annoyed by them...but you have to cling onto the hope that they have some sense of social awareness. Fortunately, most do but sadly, some do not.

 

Blimey, you were glaring at people?

 

Not being funny but I would genuinely be careful. A lot of people really don't like that. You could end up making things even worse for yourself.