Mister M Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Lonely hearts can be happy once they are happy with themselves... Stop looking and stop trying, it'll happen.... It did for me, I gave up looking and trying, then in less than 12 months things changed and I now have a wonderful girlfriend, we are now on 5 months together and couldn't be happier together... All I need to do now, is sort out my other problems! :S That's a wonderful story Ghozer, really pleased things worked out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinz Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 There is not much difference between us all, is there? I have been single for many years, but I am sure I am more of a person that some that have a partner; I just havnt tried enough times to find that person. I know people that have been internet and speed dating, they have tried and failed. I am too optimistic for my own good. Its almost spring Probably not, genetically that is. Psychologically the gulf can be extreme to the point that if someone shows the remotest of interest the response is full on and totally overwhelming to the point of asphyxiation. They suck the life from something before it's even given a chance to evolve. They then scream after ten minutes "why is the world against me?" Well, the reality is, the common denominator. ---------- Post added 27-02-2014 at 22:17 ---------- Lonely hearts can be happy once they are happy with themselves... This is the heart of the issue IMO..how you come to terms with yourself. Achieve that and you become attractive to others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabelle Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Lonely hearts can be happy once they are happy with themselves... Stop looking and stop trying, it'll happen.... It did for me, I gave up looking and trying, then in less than 12 months things changed and I now have a wonderful girlfriend, we are now on 5 months together and couldn't be happier together... All I need to do now, is sort out my other problems! :S I agree, you need to be happy within yourself above all else, and this is often when you meet someone, people are attracted to positive energy and confidence. I believe that it is most important to love yourself, as corny as that sounds. There is too much focus placed upon finding a partner, as if it is the answer to everything, when you should be living your life for yourself. If someone comes along that you can share that with, it is a bonus. Bedrock, you should try to find a hobby or activity that you enjoy, maybe make some new friends? Physical exercise of any kind is good for raising your endorphin levels and making you feel better about yourself. Plus, as someone said, spring is coming, so getting out and about now the weather is improving always cheers me up. I'm really looking forward to the longer days and getting out on my bike more I was single for a few years until a few months ago, and I was very much enjoying it, and I have met someone who has s similar outlook to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denomis Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You keep making these "I'm single threads" as a way to try and entice some gullible female to date you, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Hans Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Let's be honest, if you're over 30 and you have to resort to lonely hearts then you probably have some inherent personality defect. Otherwise, you'd be able to get someone normal right? Someone in real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erebus Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Well, seeing as valentines day has long passed. Do single people ever find happiness and the frustration behind trying your best to get on never bringing rewards. ---------- Post added 27-02-2014 at 20:06 ---------- How do you feel when you feel worthless, devoid of any happiness and nobody knows you exist. ---------- Post added 27-02-2014 at 20:09 ---------- Getting out and doing social activities never lead to anything, closed doors all around and people running a mile. Never having that spark and nobody taking any interest in me as a person to want to know how I tick. I am beyond the need to carry on, nothing positive is happening, years and years of nothing going nowhere. So another try at getting the converted award of "Miserable |Git " of the year. Some say that the more friends you have the better, or the more friends the richer you are, while others say that having friends is a demonstration of how insecure one is, and thus making it appear one is something one is not. Looking at what other people have is misleading, most are vacuous, boring, animals of routine and ritual. If they a have a partner of long standing, when they make love is between a few seconds and 5 minutes or so, where the dominant male is gripped in selfishness and one one is brimming with happiness. I used to say show me a happy couple and I will reveal a pair of liars, a task of exposing the obvious I used to relish, as the backbiting and insults ruled in the privacy behind the public lie. What is positive? It seems you have not much of a clue, is it positive to be i debt? Is it positive to worry if you will have a job in in a year? Is it positive to feel insecure and worried all the time about the kids and their future? So no one knows you exist, brilliant! But not no-one is it? You know don't you, and maybe you do not know your value to yourself, but just compare yourself to how you imagine other people live. If you actually bothered to find out how people lived, what they actually do, what goes o in relationships, families and such, you just might realise they would love to be free of all the worry, and have the luxury of making it all up like you do. Finding faults i yourself is like someone picking spots, except most who pick spots a lot imagine spots starting to grow, where there is no evidence. The result is they pick their face or whatever and ruin their skin, just like some pick psychologically until they convince themselves there is nothing worthwhile left. If you can convince yourself you are worthless then by extrapolation you can convince yourself of anything. There are two types of idiots, one type is where people regard someone as a idiot, and there is being an idiot to yourself. Others can think what they like, but never be a idiot to yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salsafan Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You keep making these "I'm single threads" as a way to try and entice some gullible female to date you, right? I don't think he means to expose himself this vulnerably. Even I don't write such crap here, cos I know the kind of people who frequents here and they sure do not have my heart in check. So I don't share as openly as bedrock here does. What I do encourage Bedrock to do is to seriously think back to all the girls he has met and screen each one of them and ask himself whether he truly like them or not as partners. If he doesn't know what he is looking for, then he is less likely to know it when he finds her. You will always come back to this low point if you do not find the confidence to learn the lesson. The issue may not always be you either. It can be them. Or maybe you never also filtered them out too. There is definitely a subtle but sure difference between a female friend to a GF. You got to ask yourself this kind of question. Are lonely hearts people happy ? No ! lol. Of course not, they just put on a brave face and don't let them fool you in thinking so. I have been there myself too, and friends have also commented on me, and how I used to be so happy, but I chase the wrong guy. The ones that had my interests at heart, I never used to see. Or that I get so distracted and not focus on one guy. I used to say "no, we are friends", but actually, I am sure that my evil angel on my shoulder whispered that in my ears too. It wasn't until one bf who dumped me to then see the whole dating thing as clear as day too. I was actually his rebound girl basically, so that is why it ended up in tears. At the age that you are, you should do this by now. - Give loyalties to those whom have been good in your life. - Give affection and loyalties and time to those who you also still feel or have a good feeling for. I mean male friends. No female friends. Don't confuse your female friends. - Find like-minded bro-mates for now to give it some oomph in your life. Someone whom you can trust, and that they can be there for you, or when you want a wingman. - Find a wingman so that he can batter some sense into you and who knows you well. For example, if they can see a girl likes you but then you blank her, ask them to kick your butt. Ask them to remind you by kicking your butt even. - Don't post these threads on here. It is obvious that some people does not have your interests at heart, and they cannot relate to it, cos they are not your close friends. They are either not the same age, or their pride or ego is too high. Whatever it is. Ignore it. - Find hobbies or find a new passion. Frequently enjoy that hobby. This will bring you back to your own sense of self, and that "mysteriousness" is what attracts people. Even if they are attracted to you to begin with, you cannot sustain this kind of thing over a long period of time, and loyalty, affection, and commitment still counts. Check their commitment level as well as check their responses to you too. - Try and live a balanced life now and continue to do that, and when you find the girl, add her to your life. She can then see you and your life in its truest form. It shows her then what makes you tick. She can accept you or leave you. It is honest. Most girls do want commitment from the guy and also stability too. - Ditch any odd female friends that you hang around with. No misleading them, and no confusion to any new girl that comes into your life. It was harsh when I ditched my good male friends, but then it let them try to find an actual girl who appreciates them. If you like a girl, and you do not make a move in terms of expressing your feelings, then this is your fault. If a Lady likes you, she will come back. - If you have good female friends, then understand the boundaries and lines and never flirt with them, and actually build up trust so that one day if you meet a GF, then you can let her know why you guys are friends etc. NO exes. Even if you have an ex, be clear to draw a line, and ask for support and understanding when it does happen. Any decent will still do this as well. It is no big deal. Really. If they still love you but not told you, then that is their fault, ditch, or figure a way to draw a line too. They should not feel anger at all. - Don't expose yourself to bad things. Don't push yourself to date random girls, especially if they cannot tell you about themselves honestly. I had met one guy who even lied about his age. How ridiculous ??? Don't give them your sympathies either. I really mean this, don't. - Do not take advantage of vulnerable girls. At least let them gain their own position first, and don't be the rebound guy either. Cos it will hurt yourself so much more too. I started to run away when I see this. Well, I did had to deal with some things with my current BF but we are okay now. - Know how to protect your relationship. It is about two. It is not about all. The quality of the relationship or the dating experience is down to how you handle it really. If you do not focus, then it dilutes the focus and attention. It is down to yourself. Learn from your own mistake. - Find a like minded girl ! You deserve the best for yourself. I get the impression that you are a bit of a softie. So find a softie girl. But be decent and not take advantage of her affection either. Dignify her. Ok, not much else to go on. It is better than those "He is just not into me stupid movie." Or to date or marry someone whom we then push away later. Good luck. ---------- Post added 28-02-2014 at 00:07 ---------- Do single people ever find happiness Single people can find self confidence, but it is not true happiness. Happiness is when everything that you want in life synchronises together. That includes, life, partner, job etc. and the frustration behind trying your best to get on never bringing rewards. Then you got to be clear as to what your goals are and if you have achieved them. Acknowledge the goals that you have achieved and do not doubt this. How do you feel when you feel worthless, devoid of any happiness and nobody knows you exist. I felt worthless when I let others judge me and my intent was wrong. But it came to light to me that these people do not deserve my kindness to begin with. When I switch it over and look at it in a different way, then I get happier again ! Gits are gits. You cannot change that. You can avoid them. Your expectation of the other person is higher than yourself, and that is why it hurts. Don't do that. You can find small happiness in different things. Also try and find a little bit of joy each day even if there are bad things too. That is okay. Nobody knows you ? If you wanted to be known, then let yourself be known to those whom you trust and can give affection too. Do not give yourself where there is no appreciation. Getting out and doing social activities never lead to anything, closed doors all around and people running a mile. Maybe it is because you want a certain outcome from the situation whereas others may see this differently. When two expectation differs, either communicate to achieve the same goal and purpose, or to depart and leave it. It is that simple. If you do not understand something, then don't do it. It is that simple. The reason why some people say that you need to go out and socialise, and do things. It is to change your own mindset, and find your own self confidence again. But that is more for you, than it is for you to find a mate within that time. Even if you met someone within a social setting, always ask them out on a casual date, or a coffee. Then check to see what they are like to you, and if they are not interested, then they won't respond. Take that as a no. If someone cannot communicate with you either, then it is also a "no". Just move on. People sometimes run a mile is because they mistook the setting or the intent. If so, then just kindly say "ok". I have done that too when I was younger and at uni. Never having that spark and nobody taking any interest in me as a person to want to know how I tick. Don't look for this. Normal people rule still applies. Learn to actually chat with a person and get to know them well first. Then disappear and check your feelings towards the person even before asking them out. Spark probably happens more when we are younger, and it happens less and less as you get older. People may be a little bit more cynical as they age, but in saying so, it is also okay to be friendly first and find yourself in a comfy spot first. People will come to learn about you by socialising with you. So be aware of the vibe that you give off. I am beyond the need to carry on, nothing positive is happening, years and years of nothing going nowhere. Just enjoy the simple things. Do not take it too much to heart. Also do not put too much pressure on this either. Maybe there had been positive things happening but you find it boring because it is so routine ? (Learn the lessons.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabelle Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I think maybe I am different to other people. Reading what people are saying, that you can't be happy if you are single, it just does not ring true to me. I like being in a relationship, but I believe that you shouldn't depend on others to be happy. Maybe I am strange, but it works for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 [/color]Do single people ever find happiness Single people can find self confidence, but it is not true happiness. Happiness is when everything that you want in life synchronises together. That includes, life, partner, job etc. This is nonsense - you have a very narrow view of what happiness means and what people need to achieve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maz3 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I think maybe I am different to other people. Reading what people are saying, that you can't be happy if you are single, it just does not ring true to me. I like being in a relationship, but I believe that you shouldn't depend on others to be happy. Maybe I am strange, but it works for me Spot on. Sounds perfectly normal to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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