Are Lonely Hearts Happy?

[tinfoilhat]

I have been to counselling and done a range of activities.

 

I am currently involved with social cafes and am enrolling in courses at college relating to mental health.

 

During all this I go out, meet people on regular basis and try and do things out of my comfort zone.

 

I attend many classes that involve mingling and am a digital champion for social cafes as well.

 

I have done a load of volunteer work over the years and gone out to of my way for people.

 

I am not looking for a person to complete me, just a soul mate, someone I can confide in and depend on.

 

I know things in mental health alarm people like it is some sort of plague.

 

I will not settle for someone whom I am not attracted to physically and do not want to get bogged down with any old lass.

 

I think after the work I have been doing recently that meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, a reward for patience.

 

But like others, that corner is massive and filled with complications and sifting through the stuff takes its toll.

 

I think you're aiming for 8 and 9s when you should be shooting for 6s and 7s. Not physically attractive? Think of someone else then when partaking in needy lovemaking.

[spider1]

Most generally live comfortably within it. A few don't. A few even blame the society they live within, even when society doesn't even know they exist. There are some within it that are so at odds they'll never fit in.

 

Q:"why can't someone love me?"

 

A: Probably because you're a controlling freak that sees friendship as something else.

 

You really have to ask yourself why "people run a mile".

 

Because he is a boaring BXXXXXXX :hihi:

[salsafan]

Sorry but this is poor advice. It's very simple. Give without any preconception you need or want an equal or any reward. If you give and that giving is abused then you are well with your rights to take the high ground..almost to the point they've shown their colours early and actually done you a favour. If you give with expectation of reward then you are as void and empty as the person abusing your giving. By expecting rewards you show no respect either to those you expect a return from, but most of all yourself.

To me it is so simple. He is hurt currently and he is telling you that he is hurt, without actually telling you that he is hurt directly. Instead of helping him, others continue to abuse him. So, what is he to do ? I said to him to reframe his own mind or to cut back and take his options and remove himself from those exposures, which seems to be toxic to him and it is taking him down with it.

 

Life is about give and take. It is not about giving only, without taking. It is certain that he needs family and friends to ground his life. Maybe he is not seeing them as friends, and maybe he is seeing those others who are NOT his friend as friends and is confused ?

 

When one of my old female friend took the liberty, I walked. But in doing so, this hurts me the most, and it is a bad judgment on my part. This anger cannot disappear from one's life. It stays. Humans are not immortal, and we do hurt. That is the thing which some people do not take or realise. There is such mick-taking that it is pretty untrue. Over time people learn for themselves and move onto someone else taking that lesson that you taught them. That is how it goes normally. Cos not many will admit their mistakes right in front of you and eat humble pie. It takes a lot actually to get to that point even. That recognition of when someone has given something to you is maturity.

 

It's the mindset of the immature. And how in the hell do you balance giving with receiving, it's impossible on an emotional level.

For one, you do not verbally abuse them and their emotions but validate their emotions and give them an option to get out of it. If you had been there when someone is down, then they will remember you and your kindness. Not when someone is down, show you that they are down, only then for you to kick them when they are down. This is surely empathy 101 ? You don't have it ?

 

Only priests can take the high road and they are trained to do that. Maybe you do not see your every day relationships and analyse that. I do. I try not to forsake my friends now, and I know which ones are more selfish and which ones are not. It goes both ways.

 

I do not know whether it is the fact that Sheffield is a "socialist" city that one "expects" others to be there for them willingnilly, but it really is indeed about if you have done something for others, and whether they will then do something for you too. Karmas goes round. Always be sure to address those who have helped you in this lifetime.

[Guest]

Lonely hearts happy is a contradiction in terms as lonely is a negative word, meaning to be sad because one has no friends or company.

[horribleblob]

You can be alone, but not necessarily lonely or unhappy. I agree with Maz3 (post#20) that Isabelle (post#18 ) was spot on.

[skinz]

 

Life is about give and take.

 

 

No it isn't. Life is about giving and receiving. Receiving and taking are two entirely different concepts. If you confuse one with the other and are unable to understand that then you're in for a shed load of cow dung..and quite rightly so.

[Guest]

No it isn't. Life is about giving and receiving. Receiving and taking are two entirely different concepts. If you confuse one with the other and are unable to understand that then you're in for a shed load of cow dung..and quite rightly so.

 

I think you may be being a bit pedantic there; "give and take" is a commonly used and understood phrase pertaining to life and relationships.

[skinz]

 

Only priests can take the high road and they are trained to do that. Maybe you do not see your every day relationships and analyse that. I do. I try not to forsake my friends now, and I know which ones are more selfish and which ones are not. It goes both ways.

 

 

You mean the road they take after abusing children, that high road? "Trained to take the high road"? What utter tosh.

 

---------- Post added 28-02-2014 at 20:03 ----------

 

I think you may be being a bit pedantic there; "give and take" is a commonly used and understood phrase pertaining to life and relationships.

 

Of course its commonly used if you're a "taker" takers generally have expectations when giving but on the whole don't give anyway, it's what defines them. Nothing pedantic about it if you understand the consequences of what you're saying. When terms like give 10 and expect 10 is bandied about no wonder we live in a world of fickle narcissism. If your going to advise someone on how to conduct themselves with others then it would be prudent to make yourself clear especially when you're advising someone with real issues surrounding communication or life skills.

[salsafan]

You mean the road they take after abusing children, that high road? "Trained to take the high road"? What utter tosh.

Oh for goodness sake !

 

Of course its commonly used if you're a "taker" takers generally have expectations when giving. Nothing pedantic about it if you understand the consequences of what you're saying. When terms like give 10 and expect 10 is bandied about no wonder we live in a world of fickle narcissism. If your going to advise someone on how to conduct themselves with others then it would be prudent to make yourself clear especially when you're advising someone with real issues surrounding communication.

When did I say that? Sorry, but I think you misunderstood my intent. I was responding to this thread solely and directly for the sake of Bedrock only. I did not do this in a generalised manner to denote that is what I think everyone should do. I don't even know you, so why should I indeed go and advice you? To me, I have or thought I had the best interest at heart for Bedrock cos I have seen how he is being pushed around here on this forum. So I asked him to think about who he is exposing himself to. To me, it is so obvious that he is misplacing his own loyalties here.

 

To me, I have different layers, and "friends" mean something in my eyes. At most, I have a lot of "acquaintances" that I meet in life. And I thought that this is understood. Whether this is socially or whether this is professionally as a network. People know their boundaries, and they know why you are connecting with them and why. This country is rather big, and not everything is about socialism.

 

The give 10 and take 10 is more a concept when doing business. It is about trust. So that you do not let each other down. To me, it is very obvious that Bedrock had been let down many times too. So these people whom he exposed himself to should not even call themselves friends, as this is the most fickle thing a friend can be. If you cannot look after people, and be there for someone, then don't claim yourself to be a "friend". Maybe this is what and why this city shows such... I don't know weirdness and without that true friend concept. You meet someone, have a good time, go home and you still feel alone, and the confidence you gave someone, won't be returned.

 

It is very weird that so many people refer him to go and see a counsellor. Gordon Bennett, have some common sense !

 

Emotions are the same too. I give you my heart, then don't let my heart down. Same with business, same with knowledge. Same with kindhearted acts. Narcissism is taking someone's heart, someone's idea, or someone's soul and then think that you can give it to somebody else, and think that it shall be the same, cos it boosted your own ego, cos you just got inspired.

[skinz]

Oh for goodness sake !

 

Well if you refer to priests as being the only people able of "taking the high road" when quite evidently they're able to abuse it also...and they are trained to boot, not leaving much hope for the rest of us.

 

When did I say that? Sorry, but I think you misunderstood my intent. I was responding to this thread solely and directly for the sake of Bedrock only.

 

How does that change what you said?

 

 

I did not do this in a generalised manner to denote that is what I think everyone should do.I don't even know you, so why should I indeed go and advice you? To me, I have or thought I had the best interest at heart for Bedrock

 

It's how it came over. I never suggested you aimed anything at me or advised me. I commented on your ill advice and seen it as general. You know the OP as much as you know me, or not as the case may be. Why is mine or anyone else's heart or intent any more or less than yours? I'm sure if bedders went for professional counselling he wouldn't be confronted with religion unless he was specific in his choice. Ok, I may not be frilly around the edges but that in no way implies I see bedders as anything less than a lad with ongoing troubles. He knows the score, expose yourself on the same theme constantly and people will react in differing ways. If you think I've insulted him then feel free to quote me on it. Maybe he does need a little ribbing, maybe he does need pushing ..thicker skin and all that, or maybe not, just kid gloves.

 

 

This country is rather big, and not everything is about socialism.

 

You lost me there.

 

The give 10 and take 10 is more a concept when doing business. It is about trust. So that you do not let each other down.

 

If you're talking about bank accounts you may have a point but to quantify and balance an emotional connection isn't a fiscal study.

 

To me, it is very obvious that Bedrock had been let down many times too.

 

How's it obvious? It could be that he let everyone else down, after all he is the common denominator. Simply because he's the op doesn't necessarily make him a victim, unless he's a victim to himself, which does seem credible. Rather than shore up his own perceptions a reality check may just be as useful. I see absolutely no benefit in belittling anyone with a genuine issue, his threads on this topic are a testament to his troubles. If he wants God then he can make that clear and Ill leave it to those in the know.