amberleaf808 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 This man ( 21 Is not a kid) is a user and abuser show him the door! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 00:04 ---------- he is depressed because everyone is sick of paying everything for him. He is depressed because he has to pay for his things himself! .. Kick him out... cruel to be kind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 21 is still quite young, and some 21 year old's are younger than others. Remind him that learning to listen and discuss problems / issues is a sign of maturity. If he won't do that then draw your own conclusions. Similarly being depressed at that age isn't uncommon, leaving the comfort of childhood and having to find your own way in the world can be very daunting and scary. No wonder some kids put it off for as long as possible. Perhaps you could try and make it seem more of an adventure, starting with small explorations. The problems you presented, while very real, are possibly the manifestations of all this inner insecurity and that is what you need to tackle rather than jumping straight in to the problem. This is just another possible approach, and it's going to take a lot more time and patience, but might be the better solution. Think about how much time and care parents put into taking a child through the other major transitions in life - starting school, going to secondary school, avoiding the pitfalls of peer group pressure etc. This is really just another transition. I don't know. Only you and your partner really know the young man, and what might work best for all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Hardie Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Get a new partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 21 is still quite young, and some 21 year old's are younger than others. Remind him that learning to listen and discuss problems / issues is a sign of maturity. If he won't do that then draw your own conclusions. Similarly being depressed at that age isn't uncommon, leaving the comfort of childhood and having to find your own way in the world can be very daunting and scary. No wonder some kids put it off for as long as possible. Perhaps you could try and make it seem more of an adventure, starting with small explorations. The problems you presented, while very real, are possibly the manifestations of all this inner insecurity and that is what you need to tackle rather than jumping straight in to the problem. This is just another possible approach, and it's going to take a lot more time and patience, but might be the better solution. Think about how much time and care parents put into taking a child through the other major transitions in life - starting school, going to secondary school, avoiding the pitfalls of peer group pressure etc. This is really just another transition. I don't know. Only you and your partner really know the young man, and what might work best for all of you. No All 21 year olds know that getting anything for FREE is better than them having to pay for it!. ... I had my own house wife and kid at 18! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 This man ( 21 Is not a kid) is a user and abuser show him the door! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 00:04 ---------- he is depressed because everyone is sick of paying everything for him. He is depressed because he has to pay for his things himself! .. Kick him out... cruel to be kind! Nice comments. - I think on reflection, my advice to the OP is not expect anything useful from many people on the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Nice comments. - I think on reflection, my advice to the OP is not expect anything useful from many people on the forum. Glad you agree.... Enough of the poor me, poor me. I would go as far to say at 16 get on with it!! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 01:37 ---------- Mummy, Daddy, I will take a year of to find myself, can you put money into my account to fund it, While I have time off from my media course? ... NO... Enough silly things. Get out and get on with it! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 01:41 ---------- I need money because my m8s are going out and I will need food and money for cinema .... Answer = GET A JOB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Glad you agree.... Enough of the poor me, poor me. I would go as far to say at 16 get on with it!! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 01:37 ---------- Mummy, Daddy, I will take a year of to find myself, can you put money into my account to fund it, While I have time off from my media course? ... NO... Enough silly things. Get out and get on with it! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 01:41 ---------- I need money because my m8s are going out and I will need food and money for cinema .... Answer = GET A JOB! Sad really. - And it says he does have a job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Sad really. - And it says he does have a job. It is when your 21 and still sponging of every family member! He needs to grow up!!!! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 01:55 ---------- Sell car take bus. Take sandwiches for lunch , Have no more nights out, visiting friends etc etc, ... Unless this man can PAY FOR IT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It is when your 21 and still sponging of every family member! He needs to grow up!!!! What he needs to do can't be altered by shouting 'grow up!!!!' at him. Is this the best option? Shouting this at him?, or kicking him out without doing anything else first? Is that the second best option? Are either of those good options for advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If this mans everyday expenditure exceeds his income he needs to cut back! not sponge from every and all family members... they are sick of him! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 02:01 ---------- I would love to do lots of things but cant! ... I don't go to every family member trying to get money!!! Do not live beyond your means simple! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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