*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Sell car take bus. Take sandwiches for lunch , Have no more nights out, visiting friends etc etc, ... Unless this man can PAY FOR IT! If you look back, that was what I suggested first. If this happened, then the rest of your post would be almost certainly unnecessary for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 ?!?!? This is the correct answer .... Do not spend beyond your means! simple! sorted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If this mans everyday expenditure exceeds his income he needs to cut back! not sponge from every and all family members... they are sick of him! ---------- Post added 23-03-2014 at 02:01 ---------- I would love to do lots of things but cant! ... I don't go to every family member trying to get money!!! Do not live beyond your means simple! Well, I'm bored of this conversation. You sound like a politician. You're just saying what should happen, but not saying or suggesting how to sort it, in any real case or reasonable manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Well, I'm bored of this conversation. You sound like a politician. You're just saying what should happen, but not saying or suggesting how to sort it, in any real case or reasonable manner. Ash you sound like this is something you and your other half are having a debate about.. and the other half sounds like me?!? Telling home truths! How to sort it ..... kick them out the house. Or bring in more money.... Simple! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*_ash_* Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Ash you sound like this is something you and your other half are having a debate about.. and the other half sounds like me?!? Telling home truths! No idea what you're on about. How to sort it ..... kick them out the house. Or bring in more money.... Simple! I think lowering expenses is the better option. The expensive car is one major part of the two key elements (with the info we have) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberleaf808 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 No idea what you're on about. I think lowering expenses is the better option. The expensive car is one major part of the two key elements (with the info we have) Yip .. I agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jowleywowley Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Id sit down for a serious chat, explain the situation you're in and give him a chance to make it better for himself- perhaps with a few pointers! Sounds like the car needs trading in for a cheaper model, or could they apply for a part time job delivering pizza or something in the evenings? Set aside a set amount each week for petrol over the next few weeks/months until the situation improves- if its all used then tough tits! If they still don't want to help themselves then soon then you'll have to put your foot down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphi 24 Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 I'm in a very similar position. Stepson has really refined the art of manipulation, particularly my other half. He's a scruffy so and so, acts like a petulant child when trying to get him to do something round the house. The minute we try to speak to him about something he doesn't like he kicks off or walks out. It's got so bad that we've offered to rent him a flat/shared house, paying for it in full for the first 3 months, half of the cost for another 3 months before he has to pay anything. He's turned round and said he can't afford it and we're making him homeless. What he actually means is that he won't be able to fritter all his money away on going out, cigarettes and/or weed and his luxury, sporty car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeG Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 I 'borrowed' £6000 off my Dad once to settle my debts as the Bank had confiscated my credit/debit cards and cheque book. I paid in the cheque and went out on a bender. My father found this out and stopped the cheque and told me to sort myself out. I had to take out a Bank loan and pay it off over 3 years during which time I had to sell my car and stop going out wining and dining and living way beyond my means. My Dad did me a favour by saying 'NO MORE!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozer Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 I know this could well be a case of a spoiled guy who needs a bit of tough love, but I also have a lot of compassion for the pressure the OP must be under. She loves her partner, and the partner loves his son, and the son is threatening self harm. According to the ONS: "Suicide and injury/poisoning of undetermined intent were the leading cause of death for 20-34 year olds." So while many threats are idle, it must still be a worry. It might be that the son is extremely manipulative, or it might be that the son has a mental illness, or a combination of the two. Either way, it's pretty bad. But how you handle it will probably depend on which way you answer the question of mental illness. We had a similar problem once, and I spent an hour or so on the phone with the Samaritans as I couldn't figure out which way to turn. Since I wasn't the one who was in danger of self harm, there was a limit to what they could advise me, but they were actually very helpful. They talked about what to do in the moment when the threats were made; and they helped me to understand that there were limits at my end. It cleared my mind and helped me decide a course of action. Thanks for reaching out for help to the forum, and remember there's other sources of more knowledgeable support out there too. The Samaritans and Mind. Your GP. A private therapist. Hope you and your partner find a common vision on this; and that your stepson reaches a day when he realises that he didn't get everything he wanted, but that wasn't for lack of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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