Arguments-Relationships

[medusa]

I have to say that if someone said that then either he means it and then you really shouldn't be with him, or he doesn't mean it but he's prepared to say something like that to hurt you, which means you really shouldn't be with him.

[Alcoblog]

I don't really think it matters what the partner said to the OP, it's inconsequential. It's more why he said it when he did ... the OP had told him to cut down on his drinking.

I have a feeling that the partner may not be a heavy drinker, rather an alcoholic, which is an entirely different thing. It's the sort of response an alcoholic would say in such circumstances, and as such, he can hardly be blamed. He can't help himself as the brain functions differently.

 

I may be wrong, as the OP hasn't really mentioned the drinking thing very much on here ... I'm just reading between the lines.

 

If the partner is an alcoholic though, and is prepared to stop (very important), it is treatable and life transforming (and prolonging). 'Empathy' is a good word to put into use here (another thread).

[jane91]

My hubby isn't an alcoholic, he can leave drink alone and has done in the past, he is however very old school, goes for a pint after work etc

[lipschitz]

If you aren't happy with the situation....get out. I tried for years to understand and get along with a basically nasty minded woman. Luckily we never had kids so breaking away was easier for me. Now I'm single again, I couldn't be better. It's like a huge weight lifted from your back. Life really is far too short to put up with that kind of atmosphere at home. No way do you deserve to be treated like that. Show him the door, or you go. Just make the break.

[El Cid]

My hubby isn't an alcoholic, he can leave drink alone and has done in the past, he is however very old school, goes for a pint after work etc

 

So it wa down to the drink; that may cause you to split up, that could be someone with a alcohol problem.

[jane91]

I feel possibly a little more explaination, He likes a drink yes, he is not dependant upon it, its more out of routine, hes used to going after work for a couple and sundays so this is his routine.

 

If i thought it was a problem as in addiction i would be going down the route of AA & getting him help

[lipschitz]

You say in your original statement that you have been going through a two year bad patch. Your other half said that to you and now it seems you are making excuses for him. Don't get trapped in that situation of trying to convince yourself that it's worth staying. Is he avoiding you or returning home by going for a drink after work? Is this everyday? If it is then that's excessive. No one should need to go for a couple of drinks everyday after work. Have you thought that going for a drink is an alibi for some other activity?

Take a long hard look at things and decide if it's worth continuing with your life like this. I suspect it isn't.

[trackrunner]

I am scared of going it alone, we have split a couple of times but i always end up going back as i dont like being on my own and i dont like seeing him hurting

 

Kind of sounds in a way that you're already on your own. Verbal abuse is not acceptable and its obviously hurt you.

 

Is being with someone who says those things really better than being single and maybe meeting someone who doesn't say those things.

 

As for your comment you can't see him hurting, he doesn't seem to have the same train of thought for your feelings.