J's Mum Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I have posted a few times with regards to this situation and I'm so confused. On the one side I care about my husband and he works hard and helps sometimes but and it's a big but He drinks to much (every night) He doesn't want to change his drinking (fair enough) he's hay doing that He wants us to spend more time together (ok) but only by going to the pub or a walk with the dog to the pub and before 7pm as he's tired after that or doesn't want to go out once he's got home He works hard but finishes at varying times due to his work I work full time I care for my disabled mum I clean and wash I wanted my husband to cut the hedges in the back garden now for the last 2-3 years and there still not done Am I wrong to not do them myself? I don't know if to stay or leave, if I leave I hate being on my own and we have split before and I've always gone back, it's his house (council) If I go it's a tough start having to get everything and somewhere to live, I do have some savings but I wouldn't be able to afford a mortgage as I don't have enough for a deposit If I stay I can build up my savings until I have the cash for a deposit but then I worry about leaving him as he's 56 now I'm 41, if I leave it till next year to leave he will be 57 Should I stay as we've been together for 16yrs married for 5 or do I pack up and go I'm so confused as you may well have guessed by the posting, has anyone been here, is here, come through the other side??? Any replies welcomed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyofborg Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 if your husband isn't going to change, which seems likely, then you need to decide whether or not you can live with the situation. if you can't then its probably time to go. rather than buying a place straight away, why not look for somewhere to rent for a few months while you get yourself settled and work out exactly what to do next. if you decide to go back to him, or move away from sheffield then having a house to dispose of wont necessarily be helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 You have not mentioned love or children, a main aspect to most peoples marriages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J's Mum Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 I think you may be right, I've just asked him if he would go halves with me and go to Relate, he said no Sort of answers the question really ---------- Post added 08-06-2014 at 18:06 ---------- El CID We have no children, yes I love him and he loves me but were more like brother & sister but that's my fault as I don't want to have a physical releationship with him as I don't feel sexual with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothybabe Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I think you may be right, I've just asked him if he would go halves with me and go to Relate, he said no Sort of answers the question really ---------- Post added 08-06-2014 at 18:06 ---------- El CID We have no children, yes I love him and he loves me but were more like brother & sister but that's my fault as I don't want to have a physical releationship with him as I don't feel sexual with him Sounds like you are with him for the house, i dont mean that in a bad way I just mean its a security thing, scared of being alone financially as well as the being single aspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 We have no children, yes I love him and he loves me but were more like brother & sister but that's my fault as I don't want to have a physical releationship with him as I don't feel sexual with him So that is the sort of relationship that you have both created. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coutts Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I think you may be right, I've just asked him if he would go halves with me and go to Relate, he said no Sort of answers the question really We have no children, yes I love him and he loves me but were more like brother & sister but that's my fault as I don't want to have a physical releationship with him as I don't feel sexual with him We all only have one life. You are 41 now, do you want to be unhappy and moaning about the same things at 51? How about when you're 61? I personally consider living with someone on a permanent basis a completely ridiculous concept. For some reason society has bought into this nonsense but it's very unnatural when you think about it. Because people change. As we get older, we all change and only the couples who are willing to compromise, which is code for putting up with each other in misery, stay through to the end. Life is for living, not just existing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinz Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Sounds more like familiarity than love. Do yourself both a favour..get out and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J's Mum Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 There is the security aspect of this as I'm comfortable and it's a daunting thought of having to pack up and move out I care a lot about him and financially I'm in a much better position than he is, I don't like to think of him being in the house alone, 4 tv channels (I pay for sky) only his mobile (he said before he can't afford the landline as I pay for it) I will worry about him affording the rent on his own and I wouldn't want to feel responsible if he lost the house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ballista Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Blow him out, youre a young woman hitched to an old fart. Get a life, youre own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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