Under-5s damaged by sleepovers with separated fathers?

[Bonzo77]

We used to do the time out thing but put them in our bedroom, which was boring but safe. We'd stay the other side of the door in case they tried to escape before the minutes were up, but not talk to them. That way, attention seeking and kicking off isn't rewarded with attention of any kind.

 

With our youngest, I don't think a step would have worked!

 

A friend of mine used to do that but it made their daughter afraid of being alone in her bedroom, so it kind of back fired.

[aliceBB]

A friend of mine used to do that but it made their daughter afraid of being alone in her bedroom, so it kind of back fired.

 

We purposely didn't put him in his own bedroom, as we didn't want him to associate it with being punished. The advice we were given was to choose a 'neutral' room, for that reason.

 

Obviously, what works with one child may not work as well with another. You have to know your child.

 

Plenty of children go through phases of being frightened when alone in their bedroom - you just have to help them through it (leaving bedroom door open at night, sharing a room with a sibling, story tape on, night lights, etc).

[Bonzo77]

We purposely didn't put him in his own bedroom, as we didn't want him to associate it with being punished. The advice we were given was to choose a 'neutral' room, for that reason.

 

Obviously, what works with one child may not work as well with another. You have to know your child.

 

True. We had to work on the thinking step for some time because he kept getting up and following us. Took a while before he realised he had to stay there. Luckily they use the same method at his nursery, which helps.

[poppet2]

It was a serious question! I was wondering whether Supernanny's advice is for the parent to go in a different room and ignore the Naughty One completely!

 

Supernanny would tell them why they were on the naughty step, then she would go into a room. If the child constantly got up from the step, she would repeatedly put them back on the step.

However, one thing Supernanny always told everyone was never to put a child in a locked room alone.

[aliceBB]

ever to put a child in a locked room alone.

 

Did she explain why not?

 

I agree the door should not be locked, but if they come out you just have to keep putting them back in. Not sure how that's different from repeatedly putting them back on a step.

[poppet2]

Did she explain why not?

 

I agree the door should not be locked, but if they come out you just have to keep putting them back in. Not sure how that's different from repeatedly putting them back on a step.

 

I believe it was purely from a safety point of view, no different to leaving a child alone in an empty house.

 

There was an example of some children who repeatedly got up several times in the early hours of the morning to venture into their parents bed. The answer was to just keep putting them back into their own bedroom, again and again until they got the message. Over a period of about three days, the children got the message and stayed put in their own bed.

[aliceBB]

I believe it was purely from a safety point of view, no different to leaving a child alone in an empty house.

 

There was an example of some children who repeatedly got up several times in the early hours of the morning to venture into their parents bed. The answer was to just keep putting them back into their own bedroom, again and again until they got the message. Over a period of about three days, the children got the message and stayed put in their own bed.

 

Yes, that seems the obvious thing to do if you do not want them in your bed.

 

But there is a big difference between leaving a small child alone in an empty house (which responsible parents would not do) and putting a child in a room and shutting the door on him for 4 or 5 minutes. How is it any less safe than leaving them on a step/stair? They could throw themselves around on the staircase and fall - staircases are more of a hazard than most bedrooms, I would think.

[ShiggyDiggy]

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/fathers-angered-by-psychologists-claims-that-underfives-are-damaged-by-sleepovers-with-their-separated-fathers-9537861.html?origin=internalSearch

 

A leading child psychologist claims that pre-school children of separated/divorced parents should not stay overnight with their fathers as it damages their mental development and their bond with the mother.

 

But how can anyone know whether Penelope Leach is correct or not, without research based on lots of identical twins of separated parents, where one twin is allowed to stay with their father, and the other one, not?

 

That aside, surely the child's sense of security depends more on the competence and loving care of whichever parent is looking after them? Leach assumes that the important bond is with the mother - a bit of a slap in the face for all those fathers who bring children up as single parents.

 

Sounds like more nonsense from the feminist #yesallwomen way of thinking.

[aliceBB]

Sounds like more nonsense from the feminist #yesallwomen way of thinking.

 

Rather obscure. What would be the original 'nonsense', then, if this is 'more nonsense'?

 

What 'way of thinking' are you on about?

[JFKvsNixon]

We purposely didn't put him in his own bedroom, as we didn't want him to associate it with being punished. The advice we were given was to choose a 'neutral' room, for that reason.

 

Obviously, what works with one child may not work as well with another. You have to know your child.

 

Plenty of children go through phases of being frightened when alone in their bedroom - you just have to help them through it (leaving bedroom door open at night, sharing a room with a sibling, story tape on, night lights, etc).

 

I remember being banished to my parents room, and not my room. I always though that this was because my room had a lot of my toys and as such it wasn't much of a punishment whereas my parents room was boring so the only thing I could do was sit or lie down, and contemplate what I did wrong.