Who should teach 7 year olds about sex?

[aliceBB]

Back on track...how many of you who are parents felt you did a good job of educating your kids about sex (and when did you begin the process?) - or did you feel uncomfortable and leave it to your child's teachers?

[Daven]

I spoke to all 3 of our children about sex starting by answering any questions they had in an honest, open and straight forward way.

I didn't find it difficult or embarrassing and neither did our children - or so they tell me.

Parents know their children better that their childrens teachers and can tailor any 'chats' they may have to the individual child.

Leaving it to teachers is a cop out.

[johncocker]

.................................................

[Daven]

The best time to start is when the child starts to ask questions about sex which sometimes happen at the most inopportune moment ! I would say answer their questions as honestly and simply as you can at the time they ask them if possible .

Did I do a good job ? Mmmh - you'd have to ask my kids that question !

[johncocker]

Yet I'm not the one calling people twits or trolls, and thus I haven't attacked you.

 

I think your position is that you think 7 is too young for children to be given sex education. If I am correct, for what reasons do you think this?

 

 

 

like I said in an earlier thread/I'm not against sex ed at school but,

I think at 7 yrs old children are too young to be given information at school about sex and relationships.Their parents are best placed to tell them what they need to know at the appropriate time. They know their child best of all. And children need moral boundaries which tends not to be taught these days.

 

 

and I feel another thing is that its sexualising the youth from a younger and younger age..

btw /I have to go and I know your ego screams to have the last word so I'll leave you to it:thumbsup:

[Tommo68]

A school is going to offer you the option of opting your child out of sex ed (they have to ) but surely it should be put a school wide parental vote.

Because if your kids do not attend these classes you can guess what the first thing they are going to ask about when their mates come out of that lesson.

Then get it second hand and garbled and with all the potential misunderstanding.

 

It should be a vote all the kids or none of the kids.

Another good case for a reforendum, ora put it on the next census question really. Because all the kids your kid comes into contact with won't go to the same school.

 

They won't offer you that, all or none, choice of course because they know you will be pushed into going along with it.

 

Sex ed with primary school aged kids should take place at home and at the pace they dictate, or show an interest in. Obviously some common sense needs to be applied too. I'd always ask them when they ask anything ...why do ask, then you have a least some idea about how much to relate.

 

Its an old joke, not good as far as humour is concerned, but a good parable.

 

Johnny come running into the house ...

dad dad where did I come from?

Dad spends an hour explaining all about the mechanics, the physical differnces changes etc the in a long term loving realationship full birds and bees thing.

 

Then johnny looking totally both bewildered and gobsmacked says

my mate darren says ..

he comes from manchester.

 

So always ask them why they want to know..

.

.

[aliceBB]

I'd always ask them when they ask anything ...why do ask, then you have a least some idea about how much to relate.

 

Old jokes notwithstanding, children ask questions because they want to know the answers. Your job is to answer them honestly at a level they can understand. They don't always know why they want to know something and even if they do they cannot always articulate it. Asking an adult, let alone a child, why they want to know something is a strange way to teach them anything.

 

First checking 'Do you mean x/y/z...?' is more helpful if you aren't sure what they are asking.

[Tommo68]

........Asking an adult, let alone a child, why they want to know something is a strange way to teach them anything.

 

First checking 'Do you mean x/y/z...?' is more helpful if you aren't sure what they are asking.

 

 

Asking a child why they want to know something is just sensible when the focus of the question is open to varying depths of complexity.

 

As you say asking do mean x/y/z is one way of doing just that but don't underestmate children's intelligence when they want something..even if its only to know something, they can be very articulate in forming their requests if nudged and encouraged. Learning how to communicate is also a useful part of learning.

 

There's lots of ways in which to try to determine what it is they want to know.

What do you mean?

In what context?

What makes you ask that?

 

Obviously an intuitive adult, especially when its their own child, would have a rough idea at what level their question is based and what level of response or how much detail they are seeking.

 

Also by asking them you can better determine that you have given them a response appropriate to the context they had in mind.

 

I'd also almost always try to determine after offering a response that I had satisfied their curiosity. If they want to know more they need to be encouraged to ask.

 

You can usually do all this in a few seconds without giving the child the impression that asking is too much of a chore, otherwise in future they won't ask you.

 

But with the exception of a perhaps being of benefit to a few people who have little experience of having conversations with the young I don't really need to explain all that do I ?

 

But it is also true to say that if you aren't tuned in to the thinking of that child at that moment you could potentially find yourself wondering how to respond to a seemingly simple question.

 

What would you say to a 4 year old, that you are unfamiliar with, that asked where does the dark go when the light comes on.

 

 

 

My first thought would have been what do I know about this child's ability to understand. I would not know that without seeking some direction from the child.

.

.

[Eater Sundae]

For the most part, I think children like to be the same as their peers, so as not to feel different and the odd one out. The whole class learning about sex at the same time, at an age-appropriate level, helps with this. 7 is not too early, IMO.

 

Of course, regardless of this, I think it is important for parents to try to answer children's questions as they arise, regardless of the subject.

[aliceBB]

Asking a child why they want to know something is just sensible when the focus of the question is open to varying depths of complexity.

 

As you say asking do mean x/y/z is one way of doing just that but don't underestmate children's intelligence when they want something..even if its only to know something, they can be very articulate in forming their requests if nudged and encouraged. Learning how to communicate is also a useful part of learningThere's lots of ways in which to try to determine what it is they want to know.

What do you mean?

In what context?

What makes you ask that?

 

Obviously an intuitive adult, especially when its their own child, would have a rough idea at what level their question is based and what level of response or how much detail they are seeking.

 

Also by asking them you can better determine that you have given them a response appropriate to the context they had in mind.

 

I'd also almost always try to determine after offering a response that I had satisfied their curiosity. If they want to know more they need to be encouraged to ask.

 

You can usually do all this in a few seconds without giving the child the impression that asking is too much of a chore, otherwise in future they won't ask you.

 

But with the exception of a perhaps being of benefit to a few people who have little experience of having conversations with the young I don't really need to explain all that do I ?

 

But it is also true to say that if you aren't tuned in to the thinking of that child at that moment you could potentially find yourself wondering how to respond to a seemingly simple question.

 

What would you say to a 4 year old, that you are unfamiliar with, that asked where does the dark go when the light comes on.

 

 

 

My first thought would have been what do I know about this child's ability to understand. I would not know that without seeking some direction from the child.

.

.

So, to cut to the chase , you would try assess the child's grasp of the subject before explaining anything.

 

Good. But I still maintain that asking 'Why do you want to know that?' is pointless. It is not the same as gauging what they already know - it is just a cul de sac where you end up if you work backwards from that very old joke about where do I come from, etc. Not a very helpful model for real learning.

 

There's lots of ways in which to try to determine what it is they want to know.

What do you mean?

In what context?

What makes you ask that?

Of these, 'What do you mean?' is more use than the others, although children are not always sure what they mean, so it may not be much help.

'In what context?' is useless except with older children or teenagers who understand abstract concepts such as 'context'. I have yet to meet a 7 year old who would understand it.

'What makes you ask that?' is the same as 'Why do you want to know that?' and it sets you up for frustration and failure as it assumes there has to be a specific, pin-downable reason why a child wants to know or learn something.

 

The bottom line is that children are programmed from birth to want to learn (for its own sake, if you like), so for them it is a daft question. They want to to know something because they do. They find it interesting and they like learning. Make the most of it, for crying out loud, before it's knocked out of them by the heavy hand of Michael Gove and his clones, and by grim, unimaginative, exam-driven, target-obsessed school systems.