At what age would you allow your children to use Facebook?

[aliceBB]

Parents would be advised to insist that privacy controls are set so as to avoid any randomer even looking at your child's profile page, let alone reading what they post. It always surprises me how many adults do not know how to do this.

 

They should also insist that people who are accepted as 'friends' are personally known to their child (not just 'fb friends of friends')and that the child understands the risks of posting photos of themselves online.

 

It does however make bullying easier. A friend of mine says the one rule which worked with her kids(aged 13 and 14) was that they should never post anything nasty or negative about anyone else, even in jest, either directly to them, or about them. That way it keeps it lighthearted and any niggles tend not to escalate. She says it works well. Friends who are teachers tell me a lot of their time is spent sorting out online 'issues' between pupils - even parents who stupidly 'like' nasty comments by their child about other pupils - it's a minefield.

[sharpend]

Parents would be advised to insist that privacy controls are set so as to avoid any randomer even looking at your child's profile page, let alone reading what they post. It always surprises me how many adults do not know how to do this.

 

They should also insist that people who are accepted as 'friends' are personally known to their child (not just 'fb friends of friends')and that the child understands the risks of posting photos of themselves online.

 

It does however make bullying easier. A friend of mine says the one rule which worked with her kids(aged 13 and 14) was that they should never post anything nasty or negative about anyone else, even in jest, either directly to them, or about them. That way it keeps it lighthearted and any niggles tend not to escalate. She says it works well. Friends who are teachers tell me a lot of their time is spent sorting out online 'issues' between pupils - even parents who stupidly 'like' nasty comments by their child about other pupils - it's a minefield.

 

That's all fine. But even the word "Thanks" can be taken as an insult by a 14 YO trying to make sense of the world. (Especially given the state of the local and national news recently...)

[aliceBB]

That's all fine. But even the word "Thanks" can be taken as an insult by a 14 YO trying to make sense of the world. (Especially given the state of the local and national news recently...)

 

I know what you mean and to some extent I agree. I have to admit I was surprised when my friend told me about their house 'rule'. But if anyone puts anything spiteful or sarky on her daughter's page, that person is defriended.

 

Part of the problem is that emoticons are a poor substitute for tone of voice in an online medium (like fb or forums). In these new 'hybrid' interactions where context is limted, people 'chat' and use language informally, as if they are face to face, when they are not. There is no body language or audible tone to pick up on, so tone/meaning can so easily be misinterpreted. It used to be a big problem in emails, too, but it's usually kept in check better now, 20 years after emails emerged, because the writers are more mature and the context is often more formal. Businesses often have rules about the language which can and cannot be used in company emails. A good rule is never to say anything in a letter or email which you would not say to someone's face - in other words, you should not use the internet as a cloak for rudeness.

 

On facebook, if a young person posts a photo of herself and a 'friend' comments 'Love the dress, Sophie' it could equally be interpreted as a compliment or a sarcastic put-down. Which is why you can limit the risks of this by only having as fb friends people you genuinely know and like.

[sharpend]

I know what you mean and to some extent I agree. I have to admit I was surprised when my friend told me about their house 'rule'. But if anyone puts anything spiteful or sarky on her daughter's page, that person is defriended.

 

Part of the problem is that emoticons are a poor substitute for tone of voice in an online medium (like fb or forums). In these new 'hybrid' interactions, people 'chat' and use language informally, as if they are face to face, when they are not. There is no body language or audible tone to pick up on, so tone/meaning can so easily be misinterpreted. The context is often more formal. a problem in emails, too, but it's kept in check (usually) because the writers are more mature and the context is often more formal.

 

agree

 

They both came to facebook via the game penguin game where safety and politness is ruthlessly hammered home (disney cautious of litigious parents perhaps) and then later DIY games sites forums like sploder where anything goes and they learnt pretty quickly to be on their guard. (They make SF LOOK AS SOFT AS club penguin...)

 

I trust them on facebook - maybe because I am relatively online savvy although curiously the eldest has refused to get an account.

[aliceBB]

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I trust them on facebook - maybe because I am relatively online savvy although curiously the eldest has refused to get an account.

 

Yes, it's interesting. All 3 of mine (early 20s) have had fb accounts for some time but don't use them very much. My niece (30) has refused to ge tone - and only uses her mobile phone for work. She makes a bit of a point of valuing face to face encounters over virtual ones or even the phone. I have some sympathy for that stance, but fb can be a useful and convenient way of keeping in touchy with people you don't see very often for whatever reason.

[shaznay]

Personally I think 14 is about the right age but I would be keeping an eye on things

 

I happen to like Facebook, for me its a convenient way of keeping in touch with family I don't get to see very often, my son flies all over the world with his job and we keep in touch via FB, a lot cheaper than phone calls.

[tzijlstra]

Fractions? ... School.

 

Social Media & posting topless piccies? .... Parents. Parents. Parents.

 

Although I totally agree that a lot of responsibility lies with the parents, at some age they don't have that influence any more and that is usually the point where it goes wrong.

 

There are numerous studies that show that if you teach kids how to use the internet responsibly from an early age on they will benefit from this in later life.

 

Teaching someone the difference between a post on a forum and an actual article might seem rather straight forward to you and me, but I have seen students use forum posts as sources for their attempts at scientific rigour.

 

The sooner you teach kids how to treat the internet appropriately, the better.

[Obelix]

This is not in any way the norm now.

Many of my peers have children, my niece is about 9. I can assure you that people of my generation are generally quite tech savvy, and when facebook launched we were the key targets.

 

General point (no longer replying to Obelix)

Don't FB T&Cs require users to be 13 or over?

 

---------- Post added 05-09-2014 at 08:38 ----------

 

 

Overreactionary over parenting IMO.

 

They probably get a lot of stick from their friends about not being allowed to use it.

As to the rest, most things in life are unnecessary, but like any other tool it's only intrusive or dangerous if you misuse it.

 

Your peers yes, and my peers for that matter. However a lot of my Scouts/Explorers are not people in my peer group and there are an awful lot of them from what you'd call "disadvantaged" backgrounds and their parents really dont have the inclination to understand the web, or dont have the money for buying a PC and an internet connection.

 

You can get an account at 13, which surprised me when some of my Scouts popped up as well on there, I thought it was 14 until I did some digging.

[Bonzo77]

(Devil's advocate) How to stop THAT then?

 

We got a 14 YO - he is on it and he would rather sandpaper the end of his tongue than show me his FB account.

 

I know or strongly suspect - via his older brother - that he has around 90 friends.

 

I'd make sure he/she knows that I'm going to be keeping an eye on their account until they are old enough.

[Obelix]

(Devil's advocate) How to stop THAT then?

 

We got a 14 YO - he is on it and he would rather sandpaper the end of his tongue than show me his FB account.

 

Sounds familiar... of those parents of my scouts etc that care most of them don't actually get to see their offsprings accounts neither, one reason that they are more than happy for me to see them and keep a watchful eye on things.

 

So far, there's been nothing too serious that a older brotherly frown of disapproval hasn't stopped.

 

---------- Post added 05-09-2014 at 11:50 ----------

 

I'd make sure he/she knows that I'm going to be keeping an eye on their account until they are old enough.

 

Good luck with that then if they lock you out of it.....