Grandad.Malky Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 When you say go to the pub you don’t say for how long …. I think people need to know this to make a valid reply to your question.. I am up at 5am for work, I am on my feet all day doing a manual job and yes when I finish work I like to chill before I go home .. by chill I mean two pints .. being up so early I usually fall asleep while my partner watches TV .. I don’t think that’s a crime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Sounds to me like the 15 year age gap is very telling.....the older you get, the more it tends to be amplified. I mean he was 42 when you met, and you were 27.....Quite a catch for a 42 year old....But now it's kind of reversed....You're still relatively young, and he's getting old and probably grumpy.....and you want something more....or that's how it seems to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I mean he was 42 when you met, and you were 27.....Quite a catch for a 42 year old....But now it's kind of reversed....You're still relatively young, and he's getting old and probably grumpy.....and you want something more....or that's how it seems to me. Being a 50 plus make, I dont think getting older and being grumpy go together My GF is just 6 years younger, yet she is the one wanting to stay indoors. Love must be a factor, would you both be poorer if the relationship ended. Being on your own is no picnic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jane91 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 I think age has become a big part of it He does work hard and goes to the pub after work, he says 2 pints but i know that means 4 and he drives home which is another issue. he went out on friday and came back after 4hrs, saturday he did 6hrs and sunday 6hrs On tuesday because i was out he left for work at 6am and came home at 9.15 that night from the pub when he finished at 5pm. I got home at 9pm. ---------- Post added 30-01-2015 at 13:43 ---------- financially we would both be poorer but he could claim benefits to help him keep the house and id survive on my wages, id just not have the luxuries i have now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I think age has become a big part of it He does work hard and goes to the pub after work, he says 2 pints but i know that means 4 and he drives home which is another issue. he went out on friday and came back after 4hrs, saturday he did 6hrs and sunday 6hrs On tuesday because i was out he left for work at 6am and came home at 9.15 that night from the pub when he finished at 5pm. I got home at 9pm. So my assumption seems to be correct?.... Far be it for me to advise on anything, but in my experience if you're unhappy...Change things....You're young enough to start anew (he did at 42)....He probably wouldn't notice!... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redstripe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 From what you've said i'd just call it quits, you don't want the same things, you cheat on him and at least at this point you could both find someone else and enjoy your lives instead of plodding on but only you know what's best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truman Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 So my assumption seems to be correct?.... Far be it for me to advise on anything, but in my experience if you're unhappy...Change things....You're young enough to start anew (he did at 42)....He probably wouldn't notice!... If you read her other thread I think she already has Pete... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It sounds to me as though your marriage is hitting something of a crisis, and this question is just a part of it. I don't think it's a question of who is being fair, but what you both want and how much you're both prepared to compromise to make the other happy. So on the face of it Grenoside's sugestion seems a reasonable one. I also think Grandad.Malky has a good point. (Can I also sugest the lure of great sex to get him home early...) However, you do sound rather frustrated by him and his lifestyle. Do you have other things you both enjoy doing together even if it's only watching TV and the occasional treat / night out, and holidays? If life consists of him just working eating and sleeping it sounds a bit narrow and boring. There are two ways to go. Either work at it together and create a more interesting fulfilling life together, or go it alone (and I don't necessarily mean by getting divorced,) and create interests of your own to make your own life more fulfilling. Ultimately only you are resposible for your own life /happiness. You say he doesn't mind if you go out, so try going to gym classes, joining an interest group that appeals, working towards a qualification that would improve your carreer prospects, cookery school, book clubs, crafts, the list of possibilities is endless. Lots of happy marriages survive on this model and thrive. You will feel happier and he may even get the message and decide to join you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 If you read her other thread I think she already has Pete... Well yes, I get your drift.....I meant a more permanent solution....The affair was obviously going nowhere..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bargepole23 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Your previous misdemeanors aside, neither of you are being very fair. Relationships are all about compromise and consideration for your other half. He wants to go to the WMC every night, and would like you to accompany him. You don't want either of you to go to the WMC. Can you not meet in the middle over this? For example, he goes alone 2 nights a week, you go with him 2 nights a week, no one goes the other 3 nights a week. You both sound selfish really with little consideration for what the other wants. Surely you have more options in your life of an evening than either go to a WMC or not go to a WMC?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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