Should you ever forgive an infidelity?

[Olive]

Your apology is not accepted.

 

I don't think he should forgive, he will look like a mug. A real man wouldn't stand for that. He is fairly wealthy and famous, he could be banging a young girl that would be interested in him for wealth and social status.

 

Not sure I'd express it quite like that, but there's a good point here regarding self esteem.

 

I think there might be circumstances where you could understand what led a person to be unfaithful, but I think staying with them would set an unhealthy precedent. It would be like sending a message to yourself saying that you're not worth someone's fidelity. Even if you knew you'd be miserable without the philanderer, you'd be better off in the long run for your own sanity and self-worth.

[Flanker7]

How would this fit with the french model?

 

Where the wife and mistress go out to coffee to discuss the 'little boy' that they are both involved with. He may think its a daring liason when actually the women are not only infront of the situation but have sorted the next year holiday arrangements. The infidelity is obviously acceptable to both.

[Alan Ladd]

Life is short, to live a life of bitterness following a loved ones indiscretion is foolish. Smile and forgive them, move on, live and love.

 

But just the once.

[medusa]

Life is short, to live a life of bitterness following a loved ones indiscretion is foolish. Smile and forgive them, move on, live and love.

 

But just the once.

 

That's your opinion. Mine is that I'd rather be alone than with someone who disregarded me and our relationship enough to have an affair.

 

I'll smile, move on, live and love without that person in a position of trust in my life.

[hyper]

Life is short, to live a life of bitterness following a loved ones indiscretion is foolish. Smile and forgive them, move on, live and love.

 

But just the once.

It's not always that easy.

 

One can forgive and continue to love that person, but may not feel secure in the same way.

 

For me, I'd maybe forgive and not be bitter if it was a one-off, but I'd forever be suspicious the next time they went out alone or with their friends. The question is, is that a good basis on which to hang a relationship?

 

Plus what if I was out and got an alternative offer? Might I be more likely to dive in? I'd like to think I'd do the right thing, but who knows.

 

I've never been unfaithful or had a partner be unfaithful to me, so I really dunno

[charmer]

That's your opinion. Mine is that I'd rather be alone than with someone who disregarded me and our relationship enough to have an affair.

 

I'll smile, move on, live and love without that person in a position of trust in my life.

 

Loneliness is a hard path to travel Medusa, you should probably learn to forgive and forget rather than being alone.

 

It isn't always out of disrespect that men cheat on their partners. Sometimes we are just horny. Us men are not made to be monogamous and when we are out and see a tidy piece strutting her stuff on the dance floor we don't think "oh I would like to respect and look after that woman", we think "I would love to engage in carnal relations with her".

 

It is different when men cheat on their women, it is forgivable as it is just the satisfaction of an urge. The other way round is absolutely not kosher.

[Alan Ladd]

Loneliness is a hard path to travel Medusa, you should probably learn to forgive and forget rather than being alone.

 

It isn't always out of disrespect that men cheat on their partners. Sometimes we are just horny. Us men are not made to be monogamous and when we are out and see a tidy piece strutting her stuff on the dance floor we don't think "oh I would like to respect and look after that woman", we think "I would love to engage in carnal relations with her".

 

It is different when men cheat on their women, it is forgivable as it is just the satisfaction of an urge. The other way round is absolutely not kosher.

 

Speak for yourself, you seem to state that men should have a different standard of morality due to their predisposition to "horniness". You relegate men to the level of amoeba.

 

Whats sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose.

[medusa]

Loneliness is a hard path to travel Medusa, you should probably learn to forgive and forget rather than being alone.

 

It isn't always out of disrespect that men cheat on their partners. Sometimes we are just horny. Us men are not made to be monogamous and when we are out and see a tidy piece strutting her stuff on the dance floor we don't think "oh I would like to respect and look after that woman", we think "I would love to engage in carnal relations with her".

 

It is different when men cheat on their women, it is forgivable as it is just the satisfaction of an urge. The other way round is absolutely not kosher.

 

I'd prefer alone than being in a relationship with no trust thank you. I don't use the word 'lonely' because I've never been more lonely than I was in a violent and controlling marriage, with no access to any of my friends or family and no life of my own. Being alone is infinitely preferable to that too.

 

Personally, I don't care why anybody cheats. You stand up and make a vow to be faithful and there's no 'but I felt horny' get out clause, is there?

 

If you were to ask my OH he would tell you that before we discussed whether we were going to move forwards in our relationship I sat him down and we had a 'full and frank discussion' about the rules we were going to follow and what were the deal breakers for both of us. Mine were:

 

violence, or threats of violence

deliberate dishonesty, including theft, infidelity and abuse of trust, and

secrecy (if we're together, we're together for everybody and not lying/covering up for some)

 

I'm no spring chicken and I've been in enough relationships to know that they take work from both partners and either can opt out at any time, so we brought in a rule that if we thought we were likely to cheat that the other would be the first person that we told, not the last.

 

You follow your rules and I'll follow mine, but if you want an escape clause just because you fancy someone then it's probably best that I'm with someone else and not you

[hyper]

Loneliness is a hard path to travel Medusa, you should probably learn to forgive and forget rather than being alone.

 

It isn't always out of disrespect that men cheat on their partners. Sometimes we are just horny. Us men are not made to be monogamous and when we are out and see a tidy piece strutting her stuff on the dance floor we don't think "oh I would like to respect and look after that woman", we think "I would love to engage in carnal relations with her".

 

It is different when men cheat on their women, it is forgivable as it is just the satisfaction of an urge. The other way round is absolutely not kosher.

mmm ... quite comical. But there is a serious side to this, hidden in the quoted post. A lot of women of a certain age seem to think that sex is reserved for having kids. Once the kids are out and the hormonal changes have taken place, sex is no longer necessary. Like charmer says, most men (if not all) still like to engage in the odd bedroom gymnastics and problems set in when the 2 don't meet half way. This is probably when the French method in Flanker's post would work

 

Also, don't mix loneliness and being alone - they are quite different

[Flanker7]

There is some truth in the old adage

Some - Men want sex and put up with love to get it.

Some - Women want love and put up with sex to get it.

 

Some men are on a loser.

The male statement is massively politically incorrect.

 

Being politically correct is okay until it becomes more important than the truth.