Should you ever forgive an infidelity?

[charmer]

Speak for yourself, you seem to state that men should have a different standard of morality due to their predisposition to "horniness". You relegate men to the level of amoeba.

 

Whats sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose.

 

Men do have a different standard of morality to women. We have different many things.

 

In your opinion, do amoeba get horny? Or is what you said laughable guff?

 

 

I'd prefer alone than being in a relationship with no trust thank you. I don't use the word 'lonely' because I've never been more lonely than I was in a violent and controlling marriage, with no access to any of my friends or family and no life of my own. Being alone is infinitely preferable to that too.

 

Personally, I don't care why anybody cheats. You stand up and make a vow to be faithful and there's no 'but I felt horny' get out clause, is there?

 

If you were to ask my OH he would tell you that before we discussed whether we were going to move forwards in our relationship I sat him down and we had a 'full and frank discussion' about the rules we were going to follow and what were the deal breakers for both of us. Mine were:

 

violence, or threats of violence

deliberate dishonesty, including theft, infidelity and abuse of trust, and

secrecy (if we're together, we're together for everybody and not lying/covering up for some)

 

I'm no spring chicken and I've been in enough relationships to know that they take work from both partners and either can opt out at any time, so we brought in a rule that if we thought we were likely to cheat that the other would be the first person that we told, not the last.

 

You follow your rules and I'll follow mine, but if you want an escape clause just because you fancy someone then it's probably best that I'm with someone else and not you

 

Being in a violent relationship is awful and congratulations for escaping.

 

mmm ... quite comical. But there is a serious side to this, hidden in the quoted post. A lot of women of a certain age seem to think that sex is reserved for having kids. Once the kids are out and the hormonal changes have taken place, sex is no longer necessary. Like charmer says, most men (if not all) still like to engage in the odd bedroom gymnastics and problems set in when the 2 don't meet half way. This is probably when the French method in Flanker's post would work

 

Also, don't mix loneliness and being alone - they are quite different

 

Also, men tend to get better as they age, women drop off a cliff at the age of 30. Who wants to see a sour craggy faced past it women beneath them when they are "going to town"? So it isn't just about the quantity of bedroom gymnastics but the quality.

[Tommo68]

Forgive them if you want it makes no difference but .... without trust you have no relationship ...so get out of that as soon as possible.

 

Spilt up.. divorce ..whichever and then move on and completely forget them.

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[Alan Ladd]

Men do have a different standard of morality to women. We have different many things.

 

In your opinion, do amoeba get horny? Or is what you said laughable guff?

 

 

 

 

Being in a violent relationship is awful and congratulations for escaping.

 

 

 

Also, men tend to get better as they age, women drop off a cliff at the age of 30. Who wants to see a sour craggy faced past it women beneath them when they are "going to town"? So it isn't just about the quantity of bedroom gymnastics but the quality.

 

 

Your comments show a level of naivety that indicates to me that you have little if any inter reaction with women.

 

Good luck with your bedroom gymnastics, gymnastics being a solo sport I believe?

[buck]

Isobel Barnett and Gilbert Harding used to appear on "Whats my Line?"

Those were the days when newsreaders wore evening dress, and Gilbert Harding was a rude curmudgeon long before Jeremy Clarkson, Ann Robinson, and others took on the role.

[smilersarah]

of course we should forgive men, for a man a fling usually means nothing just a means to an end, if you pardon the pun, but for us its the other way around nearly always , its much harder for men to forgive women as it nearly always means something to us.

[Plain Talker]

The Biblical prophet Hosea did; God approved.

 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hosea+1

 

The difference there being Hosea was a prophet of God, I'm not.

Hosea's actions were to demonstrate to the Jews of that time that they had turned away from their fidelity towards their God and had, to quote the bible " gone whoring after other gods"

[cassity]

Loneliness is a hard path to travel Medusa, you should probably learn to forgive and forget rather than being alone.

 

It isn't always out of disrespect that men cheat on their partners. Sometimes we are just horny. Us men are not made to be monogamous and when we are out and see a tidy piece strutting her stuff on the dance floor we don't think "oh I would like to respect and look after that woman", we think "I would love to engage in carnal relations with her".

 

It is different when men cheat on their women, it is forgivable as it is just the satisfaction of an urge. The other way round is absolutely not kosher.

 

 

Oh dear, I honestly thought we progressed as a species. It would seem not.

[charmer]

Your comments show a level of naivety that indicates to me that you have little if any inter reaction with women.

 

Good luck with your bedroom gymnastics, gymnastics being a solo sport I believe?

 

I do well mate. I have had a mrs for a couple of years and also take a different girl home about once a month.

 

You didn't answer the question though, do amoeba get horny? You indicated that they do.

 

---------- Post added 30-05-2015 at 06:06 ----------

 

Oh dear, I honestly thought we progressed as a species. It would seem not.

 

Progressed to not have sex? Explain this progression and the evidence you have for it please?

[carosio]

Those were the days when newsreaders wore evening dress, and Gilbert Harding was a rude curmudgeon long before Jeremy Clarkson, Ann Robinson, and others took on the role.

 

Oh for the days of Sylvia Peters and Patricia Driscoll!

[Tommo68]

Based on what evidence?

 

How about if there were certain circumstances that led someone to cheat and they regretted it and never did it again?

 

There are circumstances... they wanted to cheat .. so they did.

 

Does that not indicate what kind of respect they had for you and the relationship you once had?

 

They regret it.. good .. they would have a life time to do that.. and on their own .. I could never mind trust them again ... and given the number of different STDs around these days I have more self-respect than to want to touch them again.

 

Don't stop talking to them though a few carefully chosen words can really cut quite deeply especially if you are nice about it all. Don't forget to ask them if money was involved that usually gets to both men and women.

 

Don't get down about it though its an opportunity to move on and find a decent person and remember you were lucky you found out and dumped them rather than have them always laughing at you behind your back whilst you are wondering who they are with and what they are doing.

 

Its a case of good bye and your belongings are in the bin ...because I don't know what germs they are carrying.

 

Do go to the STD clinic though and tell them the result if the opportunity arises especially if they are with other people at the time. Though of course if they have given you something you might not want to tell them.. The effects of having some stds undetected and untreated can be quite nasty and permanent especially for women.

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