Bonzo77 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 How much of your partners attention is being soaked up by these texts? It's going to be a massive distraction at the very least. It needs to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle-82 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 dear forum please help. advice needed. the story is long and complicated so will try and keep it short and sweet. my partner has been texting other people dirty messages. very in depth. when confronted about this my parter said that it was fun and nothing physical has happened. they are around my partner quite often. i dont know what the best thing is to do. my partner says they love me but do they if they can do this? also how do you ever know if they will do it again or even if its true that nothing physical has happened? its also known that my partner constantly puts me down to these people. if they cared would they? does this mean my partner will think its ok to take things further if it hasnt already happened? any advice would be appreciated. I'm going to be straight to the point and you may find this difficult to hear but GET RID!! Why the hell should your partner be texting dirty messages to other people and speak about you in a negative way to other people! Your partner smells rotten to me and if I was you I'd be phoning a friend, pack a suitcase and go on a holiday! sit in the sunshine sipping on a cold beverage and forget about the loser xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoenixboy Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 dear forum please help. advice needed. the story is long and complicated so will try and keep it short and sweet. my partner has been texting other people dirty messages. very in depth. when confronted about this my parter said that it was fun and nothing physical has happened. they are around my partner quite often. i dont know what the best thing is to do. my partner says they love me but do they if they can do this? also how do you ever know if they will do it again or even if its true that nothing physical has happened? its also known that my partner constantly puts me down to these people. if they cared would they? does this mean my partner will think its ok to take things further if it hasnt already happened? any advice would be appreciated. Technically I suppose its not cheating. It doesnt make it any less hurtful though. could be a warning first time and second time strike out. Its a daft thing to do but maybe you should speak to him before jumping the gun? ---------- Post added 05-06-2015 at 14:31 ---------- I would never dream of running my OH down to other people and I know he would feel exactly the same, and both of us would find it deeply offensive if we found out that the other was being derogatory towards us to anybody. Equally, if I was being explicitly sexual with someone else (not just flirting) in messages then I would expect my OH to be upset, angry and hurt if he found out about them and I'd expect to be single very soon thereafter. As far as I'm concerned it crosses a line- it may not mean anything to him, but he really cannot expect it to mean nothing to you just because it means nothing to him. You are a separate person to him and you have your own feelings and morals- and there is no reason at all that they have to be the same as his. Anybody who loves you will take the time to learn and work with your feelings and morals as well as their own. do you think a second chance is right? its very much a personal thing I feel. I would be hurt, but if I loved the person lots and talked to them and they convinced me it was a mistake, its not necessarily a sure-fire get rid situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassity Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 if I loved the person lots and talked to them and they convinced me it was a mistake, its not necessarily a sure-fire get rid situation. That smacks of 'get me a bucket' desperation. 'mistake'? like an accident you mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dear Forum... Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 i have clearly stated my partner in my post so that gender can or can not be used. i do not think the gender matters. with regards to some of the questions... the put downs with regards to myself are name calling myself and insulting myself. it isn't anything that you would say to your friend because you have had a lover's tiff or argument. the insults also indicate that my partner has been telling people these insults about me for a very long time. With regards to the messages they have been sending each other they was very in depth and grafic. the messaging was also going on for a long time. the person my partner was messaging was also getting more communication from my partner than i was. they was messaging constantly and daily. the messages also indicated that the other party knew when was a suitable time to message (ie i wasn't around) and when wasnt. the messages also had indications that they was going to meet without my knowledge. my partner claims this hasnt happened but i obviously do not know either way. the situation is also not as cut and dry as may seem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tzijlstra Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 These messages are forms of communication. Would you be upset if you sat next to your partner in a pub and they said these things to someone else? I would be. Get rid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Wallace* Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 This is just public voierism for the op she's enjoying it,just grow up and make a decision with your relationship do you really need this discussing on a forum ? Will you take any advice ? Should you make your own mind up and act on it for good or bad ? Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Joker Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Even if nothing physical has happened yet between them, what if the 3rd party gives your partner the green light for something more? Will he/she be tempted? A man is as faithful as his options ~ Chris Rock Google it and youtube it, it's Not Family Friendly so I won't link to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dear Forum... Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 with regards to some more of the comments.. i would not allow my partner to chat someone up infront of me no i think that would be totally disrespectful. i feel the difference is my partner hasn't done this infront of me but effectively behind my back. My partner has known these people for a very long time and these people are clearly aware we are in a relationship. so i feel they are trying to cause trouble deliberately. but in the same instance i feel my partner should of corrected these before it started a long time ago and told them to do one. with my partner not reacting this way and infact egging them to continue makes me believe my partner must of wanted it/enjoyed it/did it. the trouble you have is i feel they are trying to cause a separation as they are the people who like to get kicks out of other people's upset. should i trust my partner when they say nothing physical has taken place or should i not? should i confront these people or would that then let them know they are causing issues in our relationship? should i believe what my partner has told me that it clearly was abit of fun and hopefully my partner now see's how hurtful it is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassity Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 with regards to some more of the comments.. i would not allow my partner to chat someone up infront of me no i think that would be totally disrespectful. i feel the difference is my partner hasn't done this infront of me but effectively behind my back. My partner has known these people for a very long time and these people are clearly aware we are in a relationship. so i feel they are trying to cause trouble deliberately. but in the same instance i feel my partner should of corrected these before it started a long time ago and told them to do one. with my partner not reacting this way and infact egging them to continue makes me believe my partner must of wanted it/enjoyed it/did it. the trouble you have is i feel they are trying to cause a separation as they are the people who like to get kicks out of other people's upset. should i trust my partner when they say nothing physical has taken place or should i not? should i confront these people or would that then let them know they are causing issues in our relationship? should i believe what my partner has told me that it clearly was abit of fun and hopefully my partner now see's how hurtful it is? No, you should get the hell out and let them get on with it unless you think your life is defined by bullcrap. Alternatively you can continue and be part it, effectively washing your life down the drain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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