Is there anyway to persuade my daughter to end her relationship?

[honeyb35]

You can't. Honestly, I know how bad it is. My whole family had to sit and watch as my sister got into a relationship with a vile abusive *****, eventually she left the family home and cut off all contact with us, for 10 years.

It broke my mums heart but all she could do was wait. Eventually a work friend of my sisters found my mum and brother on facebook and managed to get my sister to talk to them. This same workfriend gave her the confidence to leave the idiot and move into a flat on her own. The day she left him, my dad, husband and brother went to 'help' and make sure he didn't interfere. The police were called but my sister managed to leave safely.

She is now with another man, lovely guy this time and has a beautiful daughter and is very close to us all again. So the horrid 10 years were worth it in the end.

[RickyM]

You can't. Honestly, I know how bad it is. My whole family had to sit and watch as my sister got into a relationship with a vile abusive *****, eventually she left the family home and cut off all contact with us, for 10 years.

It broke my mums heart but all she could do was wait. Eventually a work friend of my sisters found my mum and brother on facebook and managed to get my sister to talk to them. This same workfriend gave her the confidence to leave the idiot and move into a flat on her own. The day she left him, my dad, husband and brother went to 'help' and make sure he didn't interfere. The police were called but my sister managed to leave safely.

She is now with another man, lovely guy this time and has a beautiful daughter and is very close to us all again. So the horrid 10 years were worth it in the end.

 

A good story, pleased everyone is getting along now.

[JFKvsNixon]

Tell your daughter that you think her boyfriend is really nice and sweet, and she should think about having a long term future with him. That'll put her off him.

[francypants]

Been there with our own daughter.................

You can't pick their boyfriends for them, they have to learn the hard way.

Don't worry ( easier said than done I know ) it will not last. Just don't criticize, bide your time and be there for her to catch her when she falls ! She will eventually thank you for it.

Our daughter is now happily married to a wonderful man and they have two beautiful sons.

Good luck..... and be patient.

[Vague_Boy]

Are you a parent Timeh ?

 

That was my first thought as well.

 

 

Why? Is that relevant?

 

Well, you do seem to think the solution is very simple, whereas people who have been in this situation with their children would probably have a different opinion.

[annbaker]

Been there done this one. You just have to leave them to it and be there when it all goes wrong and pick up the pieces. You never know he might turn out not to be as bad as you think.

[gwhite78]

How old is the daughter?

 

She's 17 and he's 19. She lives with her mum in Loughborough but often stays with me at weekends and school holidays in London and Sheffield.

 

---------- Post added 19-06-2015 at 00:31 ----------

 

I agree wholeheartedly with cassity and daven, nothing at all you can do except watch this trainwreck happen.

 

Our girl at age 17 thought she was all growed up. What 17 year old doesn't? Her dad and I didn't approve of her boyfriend. He was slightly older, with a bad attitude and was incredibly possessive of her.He toed the line around my husband, but was rude to me and nasty to her younger brother. None of this fazed her in the least. Her friends thought he was cool.

 

We had it out one night and she took off...in the car her father bought her and with the phone we paid for.

 

She stayed with a girlfriend's family for a week until she wore out her welcome and I shut the phone off because she refused to answer it. She eventually wised up and realized Romeo was no good. But it was painful (for everyone) and many tears were shed before it was all over.

 

Your girl will eventually come to her senses, but it may take a while depending on her threshold for his shenanigans and how besotted with him she is.

 

You see this is the problem, I actually believe she knows he's no good but can't help been attracted to these bad-boys and thinks she can change him.

 

When I was younger it baffled me for years why young women especially was always attracted to these bad boys who treat them like trash. It's because they're hard to get and offer a roller coaster of emotions. When I finally realised this I took advantage of it myself and would put it around a bit, so yes I am hypocritical. Now as a parent myself I hate to see it but believe women are hard wired to think this way and my daughter is no different.

Edited June 19, 2015 by gwhite78

[rothschild]

You can't. Honestly, I know how bad it is. My whole family had to sit and watch as my sister got into a relationship with a vile abusive *****, eventually she left the family home and cut off all contact with us, for 10 years.

It broke my mums heart but all she could do was wait. Eventually a work friend of my sisters found my mum and brother on facebook and managed to get my sister to talk to them. This same workfriend gave her the confidence to leave the idiot and move into a flat on her own. The day she left him, my dad, husband and brother went to 'help' and make sure he didn't interfere. The police were called but my sister managed to leave safely.

She is now with another man, lovely guy this time and has a beautiful daughter and is very close to us all again. So the horrid 10 years were worth it in the end.

 

This offers me some hope where my own daughter is concerned. Thank you for sharing it.

 

---------- Post added 19-06-2015 at 01:24 ----------

 

My own daughter will be 30 this year so old enough to know better! She's been with pondlife for about 6 years now and we've had to pick the pieces up several times already! She's now expecting baby number 2 and the arsehole is behaving in his normal charming way. Why oh why can't she see him for what he is?

Actually she can see what he is but I think with her she thinks it's him or nobody. She would be so much better off without him as has been proved over the years............and I think it's about to be proved again because he's really letting her down badly at a time when he should be there for her! I could strangle the b*****d!

[annbaker]

I know it's hard because you don't want them to be hurt but think back to when you were the same age and try and imagine you are seeing someone your parents don;t like. What would you have done? Me personally I'd have defied my parents even if I thought they might even be a wee tiny bit right. My daughter was same and some of it is them trying to prove they are adults when they're not quite there yet.

 

I found it easier to just let things take their course whilst I was cringing after having tried the 'what you doing with him' type of line. Didn't take long and she came round and we've talked about it and she agrees he was a wrong 'un. Now she has a right 'un. Not without its challenges because he's had a tough upbringing but he's a sound lad.

[rothschild]

I know it's hard because you don't want them to be hurt but think back to when you were the same age and try and imagine you are seeing someone your parents don;t like. What would you have done? Me personally I'd have defied my parents even if I thought they might even be a wee tiny bit right. My daughter was same and some of it is them trying to prove they are adults when they're not quite there yet.

 

I found it easier to just let things take their course whilst I was cringing after having tried the 'what you doing with him' type of line. Didn't take long and she came round and we've talked about it and she agrees he was a wrong 'un. Now she has a right 'un. Not without its challenges because he's had a tough upbringing but he's a sound lad.

 

We've already had all these talks but she still ends up going back to him. He has taken so much from her that I know it goes beyond just trying to show us that she's grown up. He is a mental abuser and a control freak and these people are dangerous. He's tried to strangle her and the police were involved etc.....and she had him back. He's lost her her friends, her independence and her home.......but still she's gone back to him. He is now in HER home and he could lose her that as well because she's supported by the state while he robs for a living but he doesn't care! Baby 2 due in 2 weeks and he hasn't done a thing to help her in her new home except eat her food and abuse her!