Gamston Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Zamo's comments are spot on . Clearly El Cid is a poor parent for allowing this situation to occur in the first place . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarryRiley Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Zamo's comments are spot on . Clearly El Cid is a poor parent for allowing this situation to occur in the first place . I think that's a somewhat harsh comment without knowing the facts. There are plenty of children with behavioural problems who simply *can't* behave, not matter what you do to them within your power. I'm not saying this is the norm, it's not, but it's not as simple as 'bad child = bad parents'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJC1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You didn't answer the question. If she still refuses to come home unless her phone demands are met - and of course Cid agrees not to be so insubordinate again - then what? What is your 'person management' tactic? Said my 'tactics'. Basically I take everything you said and do the exact opposite. ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 08:44 ---------- In an ideal world this would work but you're not talking to a fully developed adult with the ability to make decisions using foresight and reasoning to the level we do. Sometimes teenagers need discipline and boundaries, not just someone to sit them down and talk nicely to them about how what they are doing is really upsetting you. You may think that Zamo's response is over the top, but yours is just the other side of the same coin. I've seen plenty of ineffectual parents in my time working with children who think everything can be fixed with a sit down, a talk and a nice cup of tea and then wonder why their kids are walking all over them. I'm not saying the answer is screaming in your child's face and throwing your weight around, but it's also not treating them like an adult who has an equal partnership with you on rules and decisions because they're not - they're teenagers. Youre underestimating how mature and willful many 15 year old girls can be. Of course kids need discipline but thats mainly BEFORE they become young adults. It doesnt start at 15 In some random manner. the girls in a safe place, thats the main thing. ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 08:45 ---------- Zamo's comments are spot on . Clearly El Cid is a poor parent for allowing this situation to occur in the first place . Bit harsh. Some kids are stubborn. ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 08:46 ---------- Seems your Daughter rules the roost. Isnt that life? All women like to rule the roost! The trick is to make them feel like they are winning and get your own way anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gamston Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think that's a somewhat harsh comment without knowing the facts. There are plenty of children with behavioural problems who simply *can't* behave, not matter what you do to them within your power. I'm not saying this is the norm, it's not, but it's not as simple as 'bad child = bad parents'. I have seen all the facts I need know in order to make a judgement about El Cid. The person is an absolute disgrace . Instead of bringing back the 15 year old from a stranger's house , El Cid starts a thread on an internet forum seeking sympathy , makes comments about meetings at school and the police . Yes, bad children are the consequence of bad parenting . El Cid is a bad parent = 15 year old brat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zamo Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Said my 'tactics'. Basically I take everything you said and do the exact opposite. The opposite of punishing a tantrum is to reward it. You think that would be good parenting? Somehow I don't think you have ever been the parent of a teenager. Youre underestimating how mature and willful many 15 year old girls can be. Of course kids need discipline but thats mainly BEFORE they become young adults. It doesnt start at 15 In some random manner. I don't underestimate at all... I have a wilful daughter who has just turned 16. It is a constant battle but she is learning the difference between wrong and right behaviour, the value of things, about rewards and consequences and that respect is a two-way thing. It is finally dawning on her that respect is not something that other people give you by doing what you want or else. the girls in a safe place, thats the main thing. It is a parental responsibility to provide both guidance and disciple to a child and not doing so out of fear she may go and do something stupid is a cop out. She has had her 15 minutes in the spotlight and now it is time to get her home and let her enjoy the appropriate rewards for her behaviour. You'd buy her a new i-Phone 6 and I'd take her existing phone off her and ground her for a couple of weeks. Which approach provides the right life lesson? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJC1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The opposite of punishing a tantrum is to reward it. You think that would be good parenting? Somehow I don't think you have ever been the parent of a teenager. I don't underestimate at all... I have a wilful daughter who has just turned 16. It is a constant battle but she is learning the difference between wrong and right behaviour, the value of things, about rewards and consequences and that respect is a two-way thing. It is finally dawning on her that respect is not something that other people give you by doing what you want or else. It is a parental responsibility to provide both guidance and disciple to a child and not doing so out of fear she may go and do something stupid is a cop out. She has had her 15 minutes in the spotlight and now it is time to get her home and let her enjoy the appropriate rewards for her behaviour. You'd buy her a new i-Phone 6 and I'd take her existing phone off her and ground her for a couple of weeks. Which approach provides the right life lesson? As you say respect is a two way process. You dont automatically receive it. You think grounding her for 2 weeks and banning things after shes run away is going to resolve the situation. Complete lack of judgement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obelix Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 She's not a child. She's a young adult. Give her a year and she can stick two fingers up at El Cid and start a life on her own, and never talk to him again. That's not something that he really wants I'm sure. Softly softly catchee monkey as the saying goes, doing this one like a bull in a china shop and dragging her home is never going to end well. A couple of weeks at her friends house with no income will show her effectively just how much she still has to learn and how much Dad's house is actually a good place, even with those tiresome rules. Talking out what the problem is as well will help, but it'll come down to boys, or some girls making stupid comments about someone elses boyfriends besties dogs latest outfit and how they don't have it or some similar sort of rubbish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJC1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I have seen all the facts I need know in order to make a judgement about El Cid. The person is an absolute disgrace . Instead of bringing back the 15 year old from a stranger's house , El Cid starts a thread on an internet forum seeking sympathy , makes comments about meetings at school and the police . Yes, bad children are the consequence of bad parenting . El Cid is a bad parent = 15 year old brat Kids go through phases. Shes at best friends not strangers. Do you even bother reading the OP? ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 09:40 ---------- She's not a child. She's a young adult. Give her a year and she can stick two fingers up at El Cid and start a life on her own, and never talk to him again. That's not something that he really wants I'm sure. Softly softly catchee monkey as the saying goes, doing this one like a bull in a china shop and dragging her home is never going to end well. A couple of weeks at her friends house with no income will show her effectively just how much she still has to learn and how much Dad's house is actually a good place, even with those tiresome rules. Talking out what the problem is as well will help, but it'll come down to boys, or some girls making stupid comments about someone elses boyfriends besties dogs latest outfit and how they don't have it or some similar sort of rubbish. For a change i agree with this 100%. you dont put a live frog in a boiling pot of water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I have seen all the facts I need know in order to make a judgement about El Cid. The person is an absolute disgrace . Instead of bringing back the 15 year old from a stranger's house , El Cid starts a thread on an internet forum seeking sympathy , makes comments about meetings at school and the police . Yes, bad children are the consequence of bad parenting . El Cid is a bad parent = 15 year old brat you for real? Do you have kids? I guess he's on the internet asking for ideas/opinions from a wide variety of folk. Good for him asking and not jumping straight in. Any adult who thinks he knows everything about parenting is seriously deluded. Anyway, good luck OP, bad times, but you'll all pull through it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gamston Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Kids go through phases. Shes at best friends not strangers. Do you even bother reading the OP? ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 09:40 ---------- . See my first comments on the thread . She's at the daughter's friend's house which does not make them friends of her parents . If these were decent people they would send the girl back home . ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 10:03 ---------- you for real? Do you have kids? Yes , they are both working now . Neither of them ever ran away from home , humiliated me or their Mother , or behaved like spoilt brats . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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