davyboy Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 My daughter did the same at 15. I shot round to see her friend's parents and told them to their surprise that they were going to get a guest. I offered to pay for her keep whilst she was there. A fortnight later we knew she was coming home when she brought her washing home for her mum to do. She realised where she she was better off! Now 30 years later she still doesn't know of the arrangement. But it makes us laugh when we think of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgtkate Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) See my first comments on the thread . She's at the daughter's friend's house which does not make them friends of her parents . If these were decent people they would send the girl back home Or perhaps they actually think that both daughter and parent could do with a time-out? Never had a row with someone when you both just needed to walk away and come back later when you were calmer? The OP doesn't say if the parent of the friend has been in good communication with them or not, if not then I'd say the worse parent was the one of the friend. I don't have kids, so no advice from me. Hope it works out in the end. Edited October 13, 2015 by sgtkate Terrible assumption of gender of OP.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Why on earth are her friends parents allowing her to stay? Do they know the situation? They're going to get pretty sick of feeding her and having her around quite quickly I'd think. And she's going to very quickly realise that they aren't going to provide her with spending money or knew clothes, or indeed a mobile phone top-up or contract. Yes wait her out her friends parents probably know nothing about the situation .Give in and she will only do it again . When she returns not if tell her its been great without her and you dont want her back you will soon see a change of attitude. You dont seem to have a man in your life for back up be strong . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm afraid Zamo's advice (IMO) won't work. Let's entice her back by not letting her watch TV, not use electricity, not have any of the home luxuries. If there's a sure fire way to keep her away, then the prospects of coming home to all sorts of sanctions isn't going to work. If it were me, I'd use the completely nice guy approach. That's fine, love, if you want to live elsewhere, that's no problem at all. I know, I'll help you move your bed and bedding, and clothes into your adopted home. Is there anything else that you need? I'll bring it round. This way, you're being completely reasonable, and equitable, but she'll soon get the drift that it's not working (give me what I want or I don't come home). Whoever she's stopping with, will think twice also, as you'll make it perfectly plain, it's going to be a permanent thing, not just putting someone up for a few nights. Most importantly....BE NICE!!!..Say it with a smile!...Carry it out, just to make perfectly plain that you're not bluffing. It's amazing given the reality of the situation, how they can come to their own conclusion that the grass perhaps isn't quite so green on the other side. You just have to be nice, and accommodating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'd be interested to hear (because I'm nosey) what the details of the disagreement over the mobile were... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm afraid Zamo's advice (IMO) won't work. Let's entice her back by not letting her watch TV, not use electricity, not have any of the home luxuries. If there's a sure fire way to keep her away, then the prospects of coming home to all sorts of sanctions isn't going to work. If it were me, I'd use the completely nice guy approach. That's fine, love, if you want to live elsewhere, that's no problem at all. I know, I'll help you move your bed and bedding, and clothes into your adopted home. Is there anything else that you need? I'll bring it round. This way, you're being completely reasonable, and equitable, but she'll soon get the drift that it's not working (give me what I want or I don't come home). Whoever she's stopping with, will think twice also, as you'll make it perfectly plain, it's going to be a permanent thing, not just putting someone up for a few nights. Most importantly....BE NICE!!!..Say it with a smile!...Carry it out, just to make perfectly plain that you're not bluffing. It's amazing given the reality of the situation, how they can come to their own conclusion that the grass perhaps isn't quite so green on the other side. You just have to be nice, and accommodating! Brilliant / But be carefull she may come back next day and then you wont get a rest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obelix Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 See my first comments on the thread . She's at the daughter's friend's house which does not make them friends of her parents . If these were decent people they would send the girl back home. Sounds to me like they are doing the parents and the girl a favour by providing somewhere safe for her whilst she gets her head in order. Yes , they are both working now . Neither of them ever ran away from home , humiliated me or their Mother , or behaved like spoilt brats . Ooooh get you aren't you just perfect... Two kids and you got lucky in this thing called life... Bit of a wakeup call for you - teenagers, especially girls, and especially those at the age of 14-15 are a nightmare. I should know I've had enough to deal with as a Scout leader and the number of times I end up talking with them about stuff at home beggars belief. I've even had them turn up on my doorstep wanting somewhere to stay or going on a camp or bunking down in the woods behind the scout hut just so they don't have to go home and almost invariably for the most trivial things to adults. To teenagers though without a well developed coping system they seem like the end of the world... The only way this will ever be sorted sensibly is to talk to each other. Her staying with a friend foe a few days is only going to help that and dragging her back metaphorically by the hair to a house where she's going to feel like shes been bombed back to the stone age really isn't going to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJC1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I want to know too, details of this phone disagreement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I want to know too, details of this phone disagreement? I don't see that it matters a whole heap. Only I suppose for morbid curiosity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Yes , they are both working now . Neither of them ever ran away from home , humiliated me or their Mother , or behaved like spoilt brats . I am sure most kids issues are bad parenting, is it bad parenting if your child does not get 5 A GCSEs? She is on target to get at least 7, hopefully this will not turn out to be too much of a disaster. ---------- Post added 13-10-2015 at 10:47 ---------- I want to know too, details of this phone disagreement? I am trying to cut down usage, she got a new phone, but kept the old one to get around my rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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