Cyclone Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 If your wife is feeling guilty then that is terrible for her. This phobia is a not uncommon illness - it is estimated that 10% of the population suffer from it. The condition can be very debilitating. If your wife had a physical disease you would probably not have started this thread - you would have accepted the situation. There is no real difference. You should not pressurise her into getting treatment for it - that has to be her decision, and hers alone. It could be unsuccessful anyway if she goes for treatment just because you are pushing her. In any case, there would probably be a long wait and it could take some time to complete. Your choice is between the love you have for your wife and pleasing yourself by taking your son on holiday. If you choose the latter you might not enjoy the holiday anyway, knowing that there is one person absent. Also, what kind of lesson does that teach your son? It would be one that advocates the priority of self over others. However, personally speaking, if I were in your wife's shoes I would send you both off on holiday with hope that you have a lovely time. If she can do this then she should definitely not worry about what folk will think - it is of no consequence. She merely needs to tell the truth and in fact if she could do all this then she is someone to admire. The 3rd choice is trying to convince her that she should let him go with you. If it's only guilt and 2 weeks apart from him that's the problem then maybe she just needs time to recognise that refusing is selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle-82 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 It's a form of mental illness. I am absolutely petrified of wasps... I drive around in the summer months with my windows fully up in fear that a wasp may get into the car and I cause a crash.. I have scraped skin off of my knees and elbows whilst trying to escape a wasp.. I reluctantly go on picnics with the family because I think I'll just be dive bombed by wasps.. I'll sit in my garden in the summer and try to enjoy it but at the first sight of a wasp or the sound of a buzz I'm straight back inside.. Bee's I'm not scared of! This is just an irrational fear, a phobia.. I am not mentally ill because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
999tigger Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I am absolutely petrified of wasps... I drive around in the summer months with my windows fully up in fear that a wasp may get into the car and I cause a crash.. I have scraped skin off of my knees and elbows whilst trying to escape a wasp.. I reluctantly go on picnics with the family because I think I'll just be dive bombed by wasps.. I'll sit in my garden in the summer and try to enjoy it but at the first sight of a wasp or the sound of a buzz I'm straight back inside.. Bee's I'm not scared of! This is just an irrational fear, a phobia.. I am not mentally ill because of it. Most phobias are classified into two categories and, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), such phobias are considered to be sub-types of anxiety disorder. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia Definition By Mayo Clinic Staff Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/basics/definition/con-20033813 So I think he's correct, although I wouldnt wory about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle-82 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/basics/definition/con-20033813 So I think he's correct, although I wouldnt wory about it. So I am mentally ill Can my fear of wasps be cured on the NHS then? Suppose i'll have to wait quite a bit to be seen but maybe i'll be sorted come summer 2017! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
999tigger Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 So I am mentally ill Can my fear of wasps be cured on the NHS then? Suppose i'll have to wait quite a bit to be seen but maybe i'll be sorted come summer 2017! By that definition I'd think most people have some form of mental illness, just as most people dont have perfect physical health. Theres a lot of tabboo about mental health, but for it to be an issue is a question of degree and how it affects you. Your situation is minimal, but from someone like an aggrophobic it can take over your whole life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle-82 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 By that definition I'd think most people have some form of mental illness, just as most people dont have perfect physical health. Theres a lot of tabboo about mental health, but for it to be an issue is a question of degree and how it affects you. Your situation is minimal, but from someone like an aggrophobic it can take over your whole life. Yeah I understand that.. There's different levels isn't there.. Still, I can't wait to shout 'It's not my fault, I'm mentally ill' the next time the OH shouts at me for screaming and making him jump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgtkate Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Yeah I understand that.. There's different levels isn't there.. Still, I can't wait to shout 'It's not my fault, I'm mentally ill' the next time the OH shouts at me for screaming and making him jump I can see you getting a lot of usage out of this line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top4718 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Does that mean you dont talk to your wife you just guess? If you have tried to resolve the issue amd she wont make an effort to deal with her phobia or settle for you raking him on your own, then you have to make a choice of whether the holiday and going is more important than the relationship and not going. You still have a reasonable amount of time to resolve it. Hard to say without hearing both sides. As I said in an earlier post I do talk to her all the time but people who suffer these conditions would much rather avoid the situation than speak of it so you have to glean what you can from the snippets you get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle-82 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 As I said in an earlier post I do talk to her all the time but people who suffer these conditions would much rather avoid the situation than speak of it so you have to glean what you can from the snippets you get. I know what you ought to do... Book a table at a nice restaurant just for you and the missus, wine and dine her and make her feel really special, tell her how beautiful she looks, how much you love her and how you want to spend the rest of your life making her happy and you can't wait for all the fun times ahead you are going to have with each other and as a family.. Look deep into her eyes and smile and say to her ''listen love, we know it's not your fault you're mentally ill'' then give her a big kiss... I think you'll find she will open up and consider the holiday... ---------- Post added 11-02-2016 at 12:36 ---------- I can see you getting a lot of usage out of this line Ooooh yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomie Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I am old and when I was a child we could not afford holidays abroad. My family all went on holiday to the seaside for two weeks every year. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all went together. My memories of childhood and those holidays are good ones and I don't feel deprived because I didn't have fancy holidays. I realise that this is probably irrelevant today when folk are all wanting more experiences. However, these can be had in this country and enjoyed as a family. There is lots to do and the child will enjoy the holidays just as much. My friend's grandchildren used to go abroad but remember the holidays spent at Butlins as being the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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