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Dear Forum: Advice please.


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I've been seeing a guy on and off for the last year, nothing serious at first, We stopped seeing eachother but kept in contact and then we'd meet up again and it would all start over again. After xmas we decided to give it a go properly but since then ive found out he's slept with other people between our on-off on-off relationship. i'm now struggleing to trust him as i dont know if he's telling the truth or not.

 

Would you let go

Would you see how things went

Would you put it in the past and move forward

 

any advice please

You are not married or living with him, so If you have doubts about him for whatever reason, then move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

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I've been seeing a guy on and off for the last year, nothing serious at first, We stopped seeing eachother but kept in contact and then we'd meet up again and it would all start over again. After xmas we decided to give it a go properly but since then ive found out he's slept with other people between our on-off on-off relationship. i'm now struggleing to trust him as i dont know if he's telling the truth or not.

 

What reason do you have to believe he's not telling the truth?

 

I can't see any reason he shouldn't have slept with other people whilst you weren't in a relationship, but when you say "you've found out", do you mean that he tried to hide it, or did he tell you?

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As far as I'm concerned, if you didn't actually say or write the words to each other that you were not going to see other people then whether you were on a break or not, it's just your assumption that you were both going to see each other exclusively.

 

Ground rules are desperately important- you cannot simply assume that you're both approaching the relationship from the same standpoint. It takes 10 minutes to have a conversation about ground rules and they can save all sorts of worry.

 

Ours went a little like:

 

Me: OK, I need to explain a couple of rules that I have for my relationships. Please let me know how you feel about them. 1- I don't share and I don't have a relationship with anybody who does wish to share. 2- I don't expect my partner to pay for stuff/buy gifts all the time/whatever, but I do expect both of us to pay our way.

 

Him: Both of those are cool.

 

Done :)

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