Would you be happy if your parents moved away?

[Sierra]

They owe you nothing you owe them nothing. You are all adults and can do what you like. My parents and my partners parents all live miles away - would be great if they didn't for child care purposes but we chose to live where we do.

 

With all due respect, this is only partially true. Yes, everyone is an adult, but that's where it ends.

 

The people involved are not strangers or casual friends, they are family, and most parents feel some obligation to their kids and vice versa.

 

When you do something like this, fair or not, selfish or not, it may place an unfair burden on your close family members because if they are any sort of good people, they will feel an obligation to step up when and if there is trouble, and you need help.

 

It's a fine line to know when what you want to do is crazy and irresponsible or do you curtail your life to suit someone else?

Edited August 9, 2016 by Sierra

[Anna B]

Life is for living, so on that basis people should do what makes them happy. But speaking as a very elderly child, I don't think the sense of abandonment ever leaves you when family (either younger or older) go their separate ways - the trick is to not let it show. Be sensible, don't take it personally, and be happy for them. Keep in touch, and enjoy your reunions when they happen.

[Chelle-82]

Thanks for the replies guys

 

My mum and dad are in their early 60's so i'd say still rather quite young! both very healthy and active..

 

I just don't see the harm, it's not like they are on another continent! I'm not sure how far the journey is from Sheffield to Banff but i imagine it doesnt take too long by car..

 

I just think they have been absolutely wonderful parents and made sure me and the brother have grown into (reasonably) responsible adults with our own lives etc and why shouldnt they go and live out their dream... IF it doesnt work out or one of them gets sick (or worse) then IF they want to they can move back down here x

[Jomie]

Perhaps they could consider renting a property in the area from October to March. They would then have a better idea of whether they can cope with the winter months.

 

Your brother might be happier with the situation if you had a conversation about their plans for when one dies or becomes ill or frail. This will happen sooner or later - it is not 'if' but 'when'. They need to make a contingency plan for this eventuality because you won't be there to help. If they can make arrangements then it will relieve your brother of some of the worry.

 

Moving house is very stressful, even more so at their time of life and to a completely different area miles away. There is plenty of information on the Internet about moving home in senior years. Maybe it would be a good thing for them to read up about it first.

[Cyclone]

My parents retired some time ago and they have always spoken of seeing out their twilight years in Scotland in a smallish bungalow with a big garden and a big pond and have chickens and ducks running about laying eggs etc.. (each to their own)

 

Last weekend me and the brother was sat down by our parents and had the 'talk'.. They have decided after getting back from their recent trip to Scotland that they are finally going to put their house up for sale and buy this property they have seen in Banff..

 

I for one am absolutely thrilled for them and love the idea they are going to do what they have always spoken about. They've worked all their lives and provided for me and my brother and been a rock to the both of us. I truly think it is their time to go and have their adventure and do what they want to do, they deserve it.. (plus free holiday for meeee)

 

My brother on the other hand isnt too pleased!! and he let them know about it by calling them selfish!! i was furious..

 

Anyway, i went for drinks with my friends last night and spoke to them about it and all bar one friend! they agreed with my brother saying they too would not like for their parents to ''abandon'' them!! I quote abandon because the youngest of us is 32yrs old, married with three children...........................

 

Does anyone else feel like this and may i ask your reasons why?

 

Hmm, it's a difficult one.

I visit my parents about once a week, that wouldn't be possible if they moved to Scotland (or somewhere sunnier).

But on the other hand, if it were what they wanted to do then I'd be happy for them.

 

If they regularly provided baby sitting services to my brother (they don't really, the kids go to their maternal grandmothers far more often) then i could see why it would be more of a blow to him (in this now double hypothetical scenario)...

 

It's their life though, I think your brother is wrong and it's selfish of him to put pressure on your parents to stay (calling them selfish is effectively emotional manipulation).

 

---------- Post added 10-08-2016 at 09:27 ----------

 

Its more likely that your kids could leave the area, and I would feel abandoned, but it may be normal for a female to go to another area/country.

As a child, my mother lived in Germany for 8 years, with her new husband. If you are selfish enough to just think about yourself, I would say its perfectly ok.

I dont think I would ever leave my daughter, but she would leave me

 

Well that's confused me.

 

Why are women more likely to leave an area than men?

[El Cid]

Well that's confused me.

 

Why are women more likely to leave an area than men?

 

Young people who get together at uni are more likely to live where the highest earner lives, usually the man; just my thoughts

[CockneyMafia]

I think it depends on individual circumstance. Some people live their whole lives in the same street or neighbourhood as their parents. I imagine for them, the idea of family relocating to a different country must be horrifying.

 

My parents divorced years ago and both have respective plans to move away from the area where I grew up. In my Mum’s case, the plan is to relocate to Malaga, which has a number of health benefits. Part of me will feel melancholy about the severing of ties with my childhood town, but it’s their life. I don’t think it’s fair or realistic to impose demands on someone who has dedicated their life to raising children and now wants to enjoy their retirement in a new and exciting environment. But this is just my opinion, invariably formed on my (admittedly) indifferent view of the family unit. I fully accept others will see things differently.

Edited August 10, 2016 by CockneyMafia

[Cyclone]

With all due respect, this is only partially true. Yes, everyone is an adult, but that's where it ends.

 

The people involved are not strangers or casual friends, they are family, and most parents feel some obligation to their kids and vice versa.

 

When you do something like this, fair or not, selfish or not, it may place an unfair burden on your close family members because if they are any sort of good people, they will feel an obligation to step up when and if there is trouble, and you need help.

 

It's a fine line to know when what you want to do is crazy and irresponsible or do you curtail your life to suit someone else?

 

It's worth remembering that even moving to the furthest outskirts of Scotland wouldn't be a 1000 miles away from Sheffield. Banff (the OP mentioned) is 430 miles, which is admittedly a 7 hr drive!

[spilldig]

I think it is for them to decide and definitely not have pressure put on by a sibling. I think it o'k for your brother to express an opinion but once the decision is made he should wish them well.

[Cyclone]

Child, not sibling.