Can having children make you a better person?

[Cyclone]

 

It's a question for which both Yes and No are possible answers.

 

I certainly can say 'no', by the anecdotal evidence of knowing acquaintances (two sets) pre- and post having a kid. In each case it went to their head in a major way, and not for the better. They ceased being acquaintances, put it that way. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if at least one of them was eventually psych-followed or even sectioned. So clearly a 'no'.

 

I suspect most every body knows someone or other who had kids and worsened from the experience, and can answer likewise.

 

But that doesn't make the answer a "No".

 

If the question were

 

"Does it make EVERYONE a better person"

"Is it guaranteed to improve your life"

"Will it always make someone better"

 

Then the answer would be no.

 

Since it's a much more conditional "can" it..., the answer is yes if it can make you better person. Which doesn't mean that it will, just that it could.

 

---------- Post added 21-09-2016 at 07:47 ----------

 

Can it make you a better person? It sure can. It can also make you temporarily insane.

 

You find out all sorts of things about yourself. Like how it's possible to fall asleep standing up, or how you can walk around half the day with baby spit up or poop on your clothes and not notice it. Or notice it and not care. Raisin Bran makes a fine dinner in a pinch, and Disney films really do get better the 57th time you watch them. Not to mention teaching someone to use the toilet or wipe their own nose can be incredibly satisfying. And you didn't want the last piece of cake anyway.

 

You find strength and patience you didn't know you had.

 

You develop a high tolerance for noise and dirt and learn to put things in perspective. At the same time, you never realized how it was possible to love someone so fiercely and feel so protective of them.

 

I suppose it could go either way, but it has made me a less selfish and better, if poorer person.

 

I'm quite sure that the experiences you list are not the same for everyone.

[sgtkate]

This sums it up entirely.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/17/hadley-freeman-what-being-parent-has-taught-me?0p19G=c

[Sierra]

I'm quite sure that the experiences you list are not the same for everyone.

 

Perhaps not the same, but certainly similar. Every parent of young children that I've ever known is usually sleep deprived and wants to be able to close the door when using the bathroom. Why do little children not sleep?!!! My kids never wanted to sleep! Even as babies. Never! It was like they were afraid that if they closed their eyes, they'd miss something.

 

Anyway, the real fun doesn't start until they're teenagers. But at least the sleep thing wasn't a problem anymore.

[Cyclone]

I totally disagree. A great many people may experience similar things. But I'm completely sure that others have very different experiences.

 

Some parents never find strength and patience, they're probably terrible parents, they beat their children, shout and scream. For example.

[GoGo_dancer]

There are so many variables it's impossible to say yes or no.

 

Sure, for some people having a child may bring a different perception of love, pride or responsibility that they had not experienced before and it may change them for the better. For others, a child may be a burden or even a regret.

 

From my own personal experience, I'd say NOT having a child has made me a better person. I'm more in tune with myself and with my partner. I care for elderly relatives and that's brought about a whole heap of emotions I've had to learn to deal with.

 

I think these days, there are some people who seem to think that having children makes them more special than everyone else and those same people seem to think that childless / childfree people are somehow devoid of feeling. All this "you'll never know unconditional love unless you have a child" really winds me up!

[Olive]

This sums it up entirely.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/17/hadley-freeman-what-being-parent-has-taught-me?0p19G=c

 

I saw this piece at the weekend and really enjoyed it. Getting to be a bit of a rarity for the Guardian unfortunately......

[Sierra]

I totally disagree. A great many people may experience similar things. But I'm completely sure that others have very different experiences.

 

Some parents never find strength and patience, they're probably terrible parents, they beat their children, shout and scream. For example.

 

Yes, it's true some people are terrible parents. Maybe they had terrible parents themselves, or are sick, tired, or stressed. But once you have a child, it's not about you anymore. You have this helpless little human depending on you for everything and that can be overwhelming. And sometimes good parents have bad moments.

 

I've never beaten my kids, (unless a swat on the backside for running in the street counts as a beating,) and I'm not proud to admit I have screamed at them, and once, pulled the car over and threatened my then teenage daughter that if she opened her mouth again, she'd be walking home. When I related this incident to my parents, my father laughed and said something like, I wonder where she gets it from?!" Thanks, dad.

 

For myself, I feel lucky to have been blessed with children.

[Cyclone]

That's not true of the terrible parents though is it. It's not true of the parents of all the children than end up taken into care.

To claim that having a child ALWAYS makes someone a better person is nonsense.

[Anna B]

On this question I only think one can speak for oneself.

Did it make me a better person? yes, I think so. It certainly changed my perspective. I can honestly say my children have brought more joy into my life than anything else, and I enjoyed all the challenges of bringing them up.

 

I also had the luxury of being a stay at home mum for nearly 10 years, (3 kids) simply because that was what you did then, and of course that made a difference. No money but more time.

 

They've all flown the nest now and I'm very proud of them all, but I have to say I haven't experienced much 'empty nest' syndrome. You move on, and now I enjoy my life just the way it is.

[Owethemnowt]

I was going to start it with "Do" instead of "Can" if that makes a difference. I'm not saying it in a Andrea Leadsom, mother knows best sort of way. My sister had similar smarts to me as kids, maybe a tad more, but has excelled me in every measure you want to use since we both left school. The key difference since adulthood is kids and/or a stable relationship.

 

Would I have achieved more had I sired a child? I don't have to worry about anyone else as such, would that extra responsibility have given me the extra push?

 

Flawed. You are asking it of us about yourself; a person none of us knows and you are not in the psychiatrist's chair.

 

Why don't you answer it yourself and avoid this draipsing of your psyche in public as if you are a basket case in need of repair.

 

The latter being the impression you give.