Is Rolf Harris a nice man?

[deadheadfred]

Mr Harris is thought to be responsible for much of the current unrest besetting christian religious organisations.

 

Harris became a Seigneur of The Priory of Saigon whilst he was serving in the armed forces in the area (as a fresh-faced 17 year-old, in 1941) . He has dedicated his life to the preservation of secrecy of the fact that the blood descendent of the One True Lord is, in reality, one of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus. The clues are there for the taking;

 

- His reference to the Knights Templar - "Did you think I would leave you dying when there's room on my horse for two (providing you ditch the armour)?"

- Certain references in his popular minstrelsy, e.g. "Son, Arise!"

- Is it a coincidence that "Didgeridoos" is an anagram of "O did God rise"?

 

 

The man Harris clearly exerts an unhealthy hold over the Catholic church.

A source close to the Vatican informs me that a certain "R. Harris Interiors" has just won a contract for the repainting of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. The Pope was apparently seen to blanche visibly upon opening the sealed tender, but seems to have become convinced that "a nice picture of frolicking wallabies will be just as good as that miserable Michelangelo rubbish".

[timo]

Good grief, this thread is like a cutting-edge academic journal! We are discussing some revolutionary theories pertaining to Harris today. Shoeshine cogently links Harris to the cave-paintings of prehistory, and Deadheadfred brilliantly posits a theory which suggests that Harris's malign influence extends to the very core of the Vatican. The scholarly Daverity offers some genuinely disturbing photographic proof of Harris's long-suspected Diabolist leanings, and friendship with the former Arab despot, Saddam Hussein. Nick 2 and I have provided less scholarly, but highly pertinent, evidence of Harris's propensity for devilish sadism and perverted vice. There is no doubt about it, the tide is beginning to turn against this 'Eefing and Arfing', Stylophone-playing, deviant, sadistic yobbo....

[nick2]

All we need now is a book writing and Tom Hanks to play Rolf and wham, bam were millionaires !

[nick2]

Off topic, but i never knew Stallone had a mother, never heard of her in the US..well if she's around she's not popular here, what does she do ?

 

Scares children.

[shoeshine]

It's a little known fact that Mr. Harris, with the aid of an American, one Mr. John D. Brown, penned a song in Australia in 1960 entitled "Six White Boomers".

 

Wouldn't get airtime at Christmas these days........

[syko1979]

It's a little known fact that Mr. Harris, with the aid of an American, one Mr. John D. Brown, penned a song in Australia in 1960 entitled "Six White Boomers".

 

Wouldn't get airtime at Christmas these days........

 

In the same year Harris was caught up in the infamous "Ayres Rock Koala Bones Affair".

 

Little known outside of Australia this sordid event rocked this proud nation to its very core.

 

During the sixties the ancient Aboriginie custom of smoking ground Koala bones was discovered to have crossed over into mainstream Australian society.

 

The government, being fully aware that the cute Koala was a symbol of their heritage, decided to run an ad campaign warning Australians off this deadly habit.

 

To front the campaign they used none other than Rolf Harris, who at the time, was seen to be at the forefront of youth culture in Australia. His powerful message was hailed as a success by a releived government as Koala bone smoking rates were cut by 80%.

 

It was to come crashing down around their ears only weeks later when a highly intoxicated Harris was found wandering naked around Ayres Rock with a Koala bone cigarette in his mouth.

 

When asked what he was doing by local police Harris was reported to have said "man I got some boomarang and my happy is too much, can I ask you a question? there's no toilet roll left".

 

When the scandal broke thousansd of Australians took to the streetsin protest and Harris was forced to make a grovelling apology and give back his fee for the ad.

 

Some years later in his autobiography Harris noted that this was the darket time of his life and that he had his pet Koala "Smokey" to thank for helping him get his life back on track.

[Annoni_mouse]

Isn't 'our Rolf' directly responsible for the decline in numbers of the orangutan?

 

I remember reading somewhere that Harris instigated a number of hunting expeditions to Borneo in the mid 60's ,and on one such expedition, Harris single handedly slaughtered fifty male orangutans by using his overtly bushy beard as a gag and thrusting his chin down the unfortunate animals cake-hole,until the poor beast suffocated...

 

And for what reason you may ask?

 

Because Harris was by this time constantly off his t*ts on LSD,and he believed he could use the rendered fat of the fallen primates,mixed with orange juice, to create a new soft drink called ....

 

'ORANGE-YOU-TANG'

[daverity]

Perhaps emboldened by Timo’s brave exposure of the evil Harris but more likely by several pints of Stella this afternoon, I feel perhaps it is time to lift the lid on some of the more unsavoury goings-on in his world.

 

Harris organised his followers on military lines and I was a member of his elite bodyguard the ‘Leibstandarte Rolf Harris’ and as such was privy to many of the high level decisions made within the higher echelons. One such decision was made in the function room of an Earls Court pub one evening back in the late 80’s. Harris had recently been turned down by the BBC, for a children’s art programme; preferred, much to his chagrin, by the convivial and popular Tony Hart. I was used to seeing the nasty side of Harris but this snub by the BBC had made him the worst that I think I ever saw him. Driving him back from Broadcasting House he had ranted, at one point almost foaming at the mouth, shouting ‘I’m the daddy of children’s arts, that ******* Hart is going to be sorry for this.’ His mood grew steadily uglier throughout the day as he continually drank ‘Bundy’ rum and after several more outbursts he hurriedly convened a meeting of his closest allies, or the’Junta’ as he liked to call them, at the pub.

The ‘Junta’ consisted of Clive James, Paul Hogan, the sinister Barry Humphries accompanied by his ‘constant companion’ Jason Donavan and the acknowledged mastermind of Antipodean evil Dr Benaud, a man whose cold gaze from behind his pince-nez spectacles could send shivers down the spine of even the strongest man. It was decided that Hart had to be taught a lesson and removed from Children’s BBC- this became what is now infamously known in televisual history as the ‘Night of The Long Palette Knives’.

 

The Leibstandarte were dispatched along with Harris (by now hideously drunk), the thuggish Hogan and his para-militaries Combat 55 (the 5 stands for ‘E’ the fifth letter of the alphabet, in recognition of Edna Everidge) to launch an assault on Hart’s house and studio. The place was surrounded and I remember the chilling words of the callous Hogan when he said ‘At my signal unleash hell’. What followed was a savage attack as poster paints, crepe paper, toilet roll tubes, Rowney drawing pads and other art materials were thrown onto a pile and ceremoniously burnt. I thought to myself then ‘We’re burning artists materials now, we’ll soon be burning little plasticine people.’ Harris was like a man possessed during the attack jumping on empty cornflake packets, snapping pencils, intoxicated not just on the ‘Bundy’ but with the adrenalin of this orgy of wanton destruction- the look in his eyes epitomised pure evil.

 

Hart, understandably, was heartbroken and had to flee to safety claiming refugee status with an ITV company, he never worked I believe again for the BBC. I, sickened by the whole incident, fled Harris’s evil web and took up life under an assumed name two streets away from my old house (well I’d miss my local!). I had vowed never to reveal the intimate details of this shameful chapter of my life but I think now after 20 years it is time that the public know the truth behind these cuddly Australian personalities that grace our TV screens, the shadowy underground world that they occupy and their nefarious schemes.

[purdyamos]

Off topic, but i never knew Stallone had a mother, never heard of her in the US..well if she's around she's not popular here, what does she do ?

 

People know her because she was the surreal star of Celebrity Big Brother last year. She was introduced to bait Stallone's ex Brigitte Nielson, who was also in the house. A walking cosmetic surgery cautionary tale, 'Mom' reinforced every loopy Californian steroetype. She and Brigitte talked things over and buried the hatchet, which rather spoilt things for the producers, who were hoping for a televisual scrap between the two.

[shoeshine]

Like daverity, I imbibed a few "refreshers" this afternoon. Unlike him I retired to the "Exotic Transcendental & Bottlewarmers Club" Langwith Branch and confess to having partaken in the bon vivre and bonhomie available at great expense in that establishment. Their half-price drinks' "Cocktail Hour" is some experience indeed...Cabaret and Meditation mixed with alcoholic snorters are indeed a heady mix, and much recommended.

 

Having enjoyed the camaraderie, merrymaking and consuming 4 Mojito's, 3 B-52's, 2 "BMW's and 2 Brass Monkey Cocktails in the process, I took it in mind to spend a few minutes walking round Langwith Lake.

 

My main thinking was that I may find a dead, washed up migratory bird laying around that I could report to the appropriate Authority for H5N1 investigation ( Defra - Bolsover Branch).

 

To my regret I didn't quite find what I was seeking. I did however find a couple of very live prostrate "birds". They had been the lunchtime Speciality Acts for the Exotic and Transcendental bit of the Bottlewarmers Club, enjoying the sunshine with a couple of Bouncers... also employed by the Club.

 

Needless to say, I didn't take it upon myself to report that lot to the authorities.

 

Anyway back to the reason for this post.

 

I feel I should report that in my opinion, Mr. Harris is not quite as bad as he paints on here.

 

Remember, he has spent many a half hour on TV using a 6" Pure Bristle Paint Brush to show his adeptness with same.

 

Could it be we are blind to the basic truth about this man?

 

Was he surreptitiously doing "product placement" on the BBC for his dad's Brush Factory?