Is the age of chivalry dead?

[Guest makapaka]

Shock horror, more men than women post on a topic about men's behaviour on a forum with a larger number of men than women.

Makapaka makes a statement that on reflection isn't representative of the facts available.

Life continues.

 

---------- Post added 20-03-2018 at 07:34 ----------

 

Presley and anglefire are both going to explain to us all why it's manners to give up a seat to a woman but not the same for a man... We're waiting.

 

I never suggested it was a shock - it’s just interesting that whenever a topic comes up on women taking offence there are very few (if any) females posting - just predominantly you, halibut and and breathe who I believe are all men.

 

What makes you qualified to be offended on their behalf?

[RiffRaff]

Well, now you're an adult and can apply critical reasoning to things you were told.

So why is good manners to offer a seat to a woman but not required to offer the same to a man?

 

Well, now YOU're an adult, things like politeness, respect and consideration for others, should instantly spring to mind.

Not everything has to have a "critical reason" behind it - it's just what you were taught when growing up, and has now become second nature...habit, if you will.

[leviathan13]

A video I stumbled upon which I found quite interesting regarding men paying for the meal on a first date, and should women offer?:

 

[ANGELFIRE1]

Sierra, remember that this was the OP.

There is an implied criticism of the middle aged men and presumably all other men who don't give up seats like monkey104.

 

---------- Post added 19-03-2018 at 19:04 ----------

 

 

Whilst you're in teacher mode, can you explain why it's good manners to offer women a seat but not other men. I await with bated breath.

 

 

Simply because Ladies are the fairer sex and I was brought up to respect them by my Parents. Period.

 

Angel1.

 

---------- Post added 20-03-2018 at 15:22 ----------

 

It's just the way you were brought up.

"Manners maketh man", and all that.

Hold a door open/offer a seat to a female.

Don't rest your elbows on the food table.

Ask if it's OK to leave same.

Putting your knife and fork together when your meal's finished.

Don't sniff - use a hanky.

Don't start your meal until everyone's been served...

 

There are probably more "rules" that I've forgotten.

I was just told that it was simply "good manners".

 

 

On the money, as I was instructed to do by Ma & Pa.

 

Angel1.

Edited March 20, 2018 by ANGELFIRE1

[BluePolo]

When I was in my late 50's I made a girl aged around 14-15 take my seat on the tram.

 

Her friends were sat down around me and she was the only one standing. She didn't seem to have any sense of balance, which I put down to her age, so to me it seemed to be the right thing to do.

[Waldo]

Thinking about this, and how some men are conditioned to treat women in a certain (kindly) way. What harm are they doing? I don't think it fair to be too critical of them, in some ways men are victims (of social conditioning) so it's perhaps a bit like victim blaming. It's not always easy to overcome ones conditioning, and it doesn't hurt to be a little more gentle and understanding and kind with each other.

[*_ash_*]

I think this is too complex question to accurately nail down to any one thing.

 

It's also complex, I think, because I would feel rude if I was on a bus and some old woman got on and no spaces, and I offered my seat, without getting more info, first.

 

I take this from my recent experience when I was forced to use buses for 2 months (probably cost me more in washing powder than running a car )

 

Most old people who got on seemed fine on their feet and seemed to know everyone on the bus and chatting (even standing up when there were plenty of seats available nearer the back). I'd feel silly offering my seat, they'd probably answer with 'cheeky little ****!'

 

My rules for this are quite simple. If not seats, and someone looks to me like they will struggle to stand [whether old, young, male, female], I'd say, here, I'm getting off next stop.

 

-

 

This as I said complex, so I'm not posting easy answer here!

 

If it was a long distance trip on a train to London or something... and it was full, I may wait a while to see if someone else gives theirs up first if they don't I would look and consider how bad they are before giving seat up. First analysis might give false info, like they look knackered, but that is because they ran for the train as it was pulling away

[Cyclone]

Well, now YOU're an adult, things like politeness, respect and consideration for others, should instantly spring to mind.

Not everything has to have a "critical reason" behind it - it's just what you were taught when growing up, and has now become second nature...habit, if you will.

 

Well, carry on your point.

Why do you have more respect, politeness and consideration for women than you do for men?

 

---------- Post added 21-03-2018 at 08:57 ----------

 

I never suggested it was a shock - it’s just interesting that whenever a topic comes up on women taking offence there are very few (if any) females posting - just predominantly you, halibut and and breathe who I believe are all men.

 

What makes you qualified to be offended on their behalf?

 

I'm not offended on their behalf at all. I'm not even offended on my behalf. But to be clear the OP was an attack on men that don't behave in the way he does. This is quite clearly a topic about the behaviour of men, not a topic about women.

 

---------- Post added 21-03-2018 at 08:58 ----------

 

Simply because Ladies are the fairer sex and I was brought up to respect them by my Parents. Period.

 

Angel1.

 

My parents taught me to respect people. Which I feel is somewhat better than only respecting women.

Why do you feel that men don't deserve respect?

 

---------- Post added 21-03-2018 at 08:59 ----------

 

Thinking about this, and how some men are conditioned to treat women in a certain (kindly) way. What harm are they doing? I don't think it fair to be too critical of them, in some ways men are victims (of social conditioning) so it's perhaps a bit like victim blaming. It's not always easy to overcome ones conditioning, and it doesn't hurt to be a little more gentle and understanding and kind with each other.

 

If they wish to carry on acting in this way it doesn't really do any harm.

But they apparently feel the need to judge people who don't suffer from the same social conditioning.

[Waldo]

If they wish to carry on acting in this way it doesn't really do any harm.

But they apparently feel the need to judge people who don't suffer from the same social conditioning.

 

That's the thing though, I'm not sure they do wish (choose) to carry on acting that way. The thing with social conditioning, is that it's not a conscious choice to do something, you've been conditioned to behave a certain way without thinking about it.

 

I agree, there's no need to look down on or judge ohers for not behaving in the same way you do. Recognising the ways in which we've been conditioned and acting in a more deliberatly conscious way is a good thing imho, but we all have different capacities to do that.

 

---------- Post added 21-03-2018 at 09:36 ----------

 

A video I stumbled upon which I found quite interesting regarding men paying for the meal on a first date, and should women offer?:

 

 

Yep! Agree with the points made in the video. I definitely feel there is an expectation for men to pay for women (which, you can't fairly have that expectation AND equal pay); it's good that these things are being challenged though.

 

I'm sure some women do want both (men to pay on dates AND equal pay), I'm not sure how they square that one!

Edited March 21, 2018 by Waldo