Do you hate social gatherings?

[Guest]

6 hours ago, bendix said:

Yes.  That's another consistent theme; everyone who says they have anxiety disorder describes horrific symptons which, frankly, don't seem particularly horrific at all.   Pretty much sounds like being a normal teenager to me, and something everyone goes through.

 

 

What an ignorant and clueless presumption. You don't have any clue what happened to me when  I was a kid years old and where I grow up and in  a what circumstances.  Let just say that at ine point, I didn't know will me and my family survived next 24 hours. 

So who the hell are you to calling my problems that were direct consequences of those events "pretty much normal teenage thing"? 

[bendix]

8 minutes ago, croat77 said:

What an ignorant and clueless presumption. You don't have any clue what happened to me when  I was a kid years old and where I grow up and in  a what circumstances.  Let just say that at ine point, I didn't know will me and my family survived next 24 hours. 

So who the hell are you to calling my problems that were direct consequences of those events "pretty much normal teenage thing"? 

Nobody knows anyone's past because we all rely on each other's words, all put through a filter.  You say you had it tough; I'm sure you did.  So did many of us.  I'm sure we could all trade horror stories from the past.  Mine include poverty and hunger, extensive bullying,  losing a younger brother to murder, parental divorce when it wasn't fashionable, constant physical violence, being sexually abused as an underage teenager and culminated in living on the streets from 15-17, and all that that involved.  Big deal. It's life.  Stuff happens.  It's not all pretty. 

 

It's not what happened to you that defines you; it's how you deal with what happens to you.  Sadly, the prevailing zeitgeist today is to pander to it, promote it, label it as all important and - here is the rub - in the process assign it a debilitating influence for the rest of your life.  It's not helpful at all.  It's the opposite. 

 

The fact that you're outraged than an anonymous entity on the internet dared to question the fact you have a syndrome speaks volumes. Suck it up, and stop letting stuff that happened years ago affect your life now.

 

I'm sorry you had a tough time.  I'm even sorrier you are letting it shape your existence many years later. 

 

[lottiecass]

14 minutes ago, bendix said:

Nobody knows anyone's past because we all rely on each other's words, all put through a filter.  You say you had it tough; I'm sure you did.  So did many of us.  I'm sure we could all trade horror stories from the past.  Mine include poverty and hunger, extensive bullying,  losing a younger brother to murder, parental divorce when it wasn't fashionable, constant physical violence, being sexually abused as an underage teenager and culminated in living on the streets from 15-17, and all that that involved.  Big deal. It's life.  Stuff happens.  It's not all pretty. 

 

It's not what happened to you that defines you; it's how you deal with what happens to you.  Sadly, the prevailing zeitgeist today is to pander to it, promote it, label it as all important and - here is the rub - in the process assign it a debilitating influence for the rest of your life.  It's not helpful at all.  It's the opposite. 

 

The fact that you're outraged than an anonymous entity on the internet dared to question the fact you have a syndrome speaks volumes. Suck it up, and stop letting stuff that happened years ago affect your life now.

 

I'm sorry you had a tough time.  I'm even sorrier you are letting it shape your existence many years later. 

 

I think the name croat should tell you something about the terror faced in the past,real fear of death or injury. This does have a marked effect on people, something that would never be forgot.

[Cyclone]

18 hours ago, bendix said:

Am I lacking in empathy or is that now a disorder or illness too?  Perhaps I have Empathy Deficit Disorder.    You really should be more tolerant of us people with mental illnesses.  Instead, you're just being  mean.   

 

The bottom line is everyone loves to label themselves with disorders now, disorders which frankly noone had even heard of two decades ago.  You, Cyclone, have no more ability than me to diagnose anyone based on them posting on a forum that they suffer from . . what was it . . shakes and nervousness and flushes, than I have to dismiss it.

 

Here's some advice.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Did you imagine that I was actually a doctor trying to diagnose you with a mental health condition?

18 hours ago, fill said:

 

 

Why some people are under the impression they may talk to anyone else without first asking permission is beyond me. 

 

How can you ask permission without speaking to them for that permission?  The very notion makes no sense and that's why people think that they can speak to you without first speaking to you to ask for permission to speak to you.

[Waldo]

1 hour ago, Cyclone said:

How can you ask permission without speaking to them for that permission?  The very notion makes no sense and that's why people think that they can speak to you without first speaking to you to ask for permission to speak to you.

Presumably (and I could be wrong), fill is referring to people jumping in and discussing quite sensitive topics with people, without first getting a feel for (i.e.  permission) if that person is happy to discuss that particular topic with you.

 

Anyhow, for me, I find I can take or leave social gatherings. I'm happy enough in my own company, and also happy in the company of people I gel with. I very rarely drink though, so can struggle when people turn a social gathering in to a 'how much wine can we drink' affair. One glass would last me all evening, and I'm just as happy without, it seems to be a social lubricant for a lot of people though.

 

What does everyone think, do people need intoxicants these days, in order to socially interact?

Edited December 11, 2018 by Waldo

[Cyclone]

I've no idea why we'd make that assumption, he definitely didn't say that.

 

I spend plenty of time socially with people when not drinking, but at a party I'd definitely want a drink.  Watching other people get drunk is tedious, I'd rather join them and then we can talk rubbish together.

 

I guess I'm lucky in that most of my social engagement is on my own terms.  It's rare that someone would turn up at my house uninvited, very rare in fact.  Probably down to being out a lot, if they tried they'd most likely have travelled here for nothing.

 

So if social engagements are ones that I have to go to, it means that when I've had enough I can always leave, or indeed if I choose to I just don't go.

 

For an exception this year we have the in-laws coming over on xmas day, but I'm sure I'll cope.  I can always go for a walk if I need a break.

[vwkittie]

I can't stand hugging, have no desire to have physical contact like that with anyone other than my partner, and dread social occasions that I fear might end in a hug. Spend the whole time plotting how to avoid it and then 99% of the time fail to do so, because I feel rude saying no. Pathetic.

[EUCLID11]

I don't hug, shake hands or meet anyone socially. A few years ago I realised I hated it all so decided to  ignore anything or anyone I didn't like. I avoid weddings, parties and quite a lot of family members. New Year parties made me realise why I hated it all. I have aquaintances but few friends as I found that friends expected things from me, favours and the like.  I'm no longer invited anywhere so I'm much happier. I don't fear crowds of strangers, public transport is OK, so I've no problems. I don't allow anyone to pressure me into going anywhere I don't want to go. I have my immediate family, wife, kids and grandkids. They provide all the social interaction I need.  Yes, I can be an antisocial bugger but only to people who try to intrude into my space. 

[Cyclone]

Friends do occasionally ask favours, and they occasionally do favours as well.  It's a two way street kind of thing.

[AntiBrexit]

I don't mind social gatherings has long it's not an drawn out affair. Years ago an decreased Uncle of my mum's used to have an Christmas party no one in the family enjoyed them. The Uncle was on the tight side he won't put the heating on , the food was from Netto the plates and teapots were so old that he super glued them back together when they broke. You were reluctant to to pour your self a tea just in case the handle came off and it was always your fault not the teapots!

 

I laugh now but only young at the time made me a bit reluctant to go too family parties after that experience.