Grand Theft Auto - the Sheffield edition.

[Mantaspook]

Dear Jim,

 

RE: Grand Theft Auto. Sheffield edition. More observations

 

The game just gets better and better, I was playing it between 5PM and 2AM yesterday, not because it is particularly addictive, I just wanted to see if I could drive from Crystal Peaks to Stannington in real time when the Park Square traffic lights were down.

 

The simulated “Radio Hallam” button was very annoying, the traffic reports consisted of some chavette who really ought to blow her nose telling me that “Its jammed in all the usual places” between endless renditions of “We’re on the road to nowhere” by the Talking Heads. Its encouraging to see you guys have really done your homework on this one.

 

The weather settings need attention, it took ages to knock it out of the default setting (DRIZZLE) when I did manage to switch to SUNNY it kept switching back to the default after ten minutes, I do take on board your assertion that you want to make the game as realistic as possible but if that the case let me ask you one question:

 

When you switch the weather to ICE & SNOW why don’t the gritting lorries go on strike immediately?

 

I loved the early morning level! The way the huge 4x4s lumber around on the school run without signalling or regard for other road users was so realistic I thought I was really there. As you know, I am a bit of a games connoisseur and I’m sure I’ve seen this bit of programming before - IT’S THE GERMAN TIGER TANKS FROM “BATTLE FOR STALINGRAD!” –am I right?

 

Some mapping issues: I drove down Arundel gate which was geographically accurate, (right down to the 90ft wide empty pavements that reduce a major arterial route to the size of a capillary) firstly there were no buses parked nose to tail all the way down, secondly at Castle square I found “The Hole in the Road” was still there! – a lovely retro touch but every Sheffielder knows “The Hole” was broken into a million pieces and scattered all over the city roads at night by the aforementioned gritting lorries.

 

If you decide to leave “The hole” in the game (I know this is unlikely as it quickly fills up with falling supertrams) may I suggest you park a car transporter with it’s tailgate down on Angel street so the more adventurous GTA fans can perform jumps over it, how about a mission where you land in “The hole” drive up to the fish tank and you can download it as a screen saver? That’d be cool.

 

I’ve had a few good suggestions from the Sheffield Forum folks so far, I do like the one about taking over the speed camera revenue but the company that makes “Who wants to be a Millionaire” may sue us for pinching their idea, the same chap suggested a level where you hi-jack the Copper chopper but I don’t think that’s practical because, just like EasyJet and British Airways, I can’t even find the piggin’ airport!

 

Finally that “Get your premiership return ticket here” poster at the SWFC ground. – very funny - who said you yanks don’t understand irony?

 

Regards Mantaspook

[bigflesh]

pure class! words fail me!

[shoeshine]

It's going to be fun when your contributions "hit" the SF Writing Club, Mantaspook. Another well-crafted and comedic post from you.

 

I can't wait for your next posting on this thread!

[AKITA]

Oh yes can just see redneck/hill billie country (stocksbridge) with all the Doug Dransfield landrovers on there school run and the great 58/57 mainline bus running every 1/2 hour if the can be bothered

[Mantaspook]

Dear Jim,

 

Grand theft Auto, Sheffield edition – final observations

 

Sincere apologies for the hassle caused by my suggestion for placing a car transporter as a jump ramp on Angel Street and urging you put nose to tail buses all the way down Arundel Gate, in my defence I had no idea that Evel Kneivel’s lawyers even read the forum or that we’d be infringing their copyright.

 

Did I ever tell you about that time I gate crashed a beach party near Brisbane? It turned out to be a party of lawyers and a very surreal occasion it turned into too, a school of hammer head sharks swam into the bay and all the folks in the water played with them, rode on top of them, played “fetch” with a beach ball etc.

When I asked one of the lawyers why they didn’t attack he said “Professional courtesy” (I forgot to ask which species he was referring to.)

 

But I digress, the final level of GTA-Sheffield needs reworking, may I suggest we borrow a few ideas from “The Italian Job” film to enhance the gaming experience.

 

As you know, in the film, the city of Milan was brought to a standstill when the gold bullion thieves infiltrated the traffic computer system with a program that caused all the traffic lights to run out of sequence, it would be logical to assume that the council already use this program so we must surpass the normal level of chaos by getting a bus to break down on Commercial Street.

 

Next three Minis loaded up with explosives take the only route left open into town by driving down the River Don, an extra frisson of excitement can be added by staging this in Rag week which necessitates the Minis to swerve around the students raft race.

 

Leaving the Don at the T’weir on T’wicker the Minis race up Fargate towards the town hall, two of the Minis become surrounded by clipboard wielding women who are conducting surveys and are quickly overcome by the sheer weight of numbers.

 

The third Mini goes up the steps into the town hall and after much tearing about the corridors and being asked if it has an appointment it finally reaches the city traffic planning office, the driver then bails out and has 2 minutes to retire to a safe distance before the explosives detonate, the final scene shows the drivers point of view as the town hall collapses in a huge cloud of dust, we get Michael Caine to voiceover “You’re only supposed to blow the bladdy doors off…” then fade to black. End.

 

Speaking from a purely local standpoint I know this ending would generate a tremendous feeling of happiness and fulfilment and how often can you say that about a computer game?

 

Regards Mantaspook

[Marky543]

Hey Mantaspook

 

Didn't your dad used to say that the last people who knew what they were doing with the roads in sheffield were the Luftwaffe? Looks like his cynicism has rubbed off on you.

 

Funny that, cos my dad had the same opinion.

[Trickle]

Master thread. Excellent

[bigflesh]

May I join in?

 

The other night I did a quick dive (more of a belly flop) from the park square roundabout tram bridge to avoid 3 fed cars which chased me down the tram tracks off commercial street. I near enough broke my damn leg. Managed to flag down a mini cab (after limping along for 3 hours in the pouring rain). Took me straight upto the Hallamshire A&E where I picked up some life pills (sure enough cured the broken leg). I was surprised to see the A&E wing still open. In real life, this was transferred to the Northern General Hospital some years ago. From there, I collected some oozies from behind the old Jessop Hospital - found them in the graveyard, by the church, along with some strange looking ladies of the night who looked like zombies. I quicky managed to escape their calls for jobs and headed off down west street for a swift JD and coke in one of the many establishments. The doormen seemed very life like, dressed in their doormanly attire. Unfortunatley I was met with some strange glares, but I soon bypassed their questioning (I wore ripped jeans) by showing them my lamborghini car keys. As I walked down west street some few minutes later, I spotted a white stretch-limo. It had pink writing on the blacked out windows. I managed to flag in down and 'obtained' a lift (with a flash of my piece). After a spot of joy-riding around the manor estate, I soon found myself with feds on my tail. I even managed to get flashed by a speedcam on the Prince of Wales road. What a sight, a lincoln doing near on 90! It was lucky to catch me. I soon swerved out of the pursuit and found myself in what appeared to be an underground carpark. I soon realised I was in the Meadowhall Shopping Centre carpark - hmmmm - doing 80 in a lincoln. That sure got my pulse racing... luckily, there were no shoppers around at 2am. The emulation of Meadowhall FM seemed a little dated. This was closed years ago and at 2am, I didnt buy the 2 mile junction 34 queues on the M1 - so I took a look. The Tinsley viaduct was fun, but the feds were back on my tail. I never

realised meadowhall had a Helipad. Such a great view from up there. The cooling towers looked stunning, especially with Channel 4 and welcome to sheffield strobe lights and lazers spinning off their reclad curved stainless steel facades... very futuristic. Sheffield has certainly been dressed up in this edition of GTA.

 

I thought the Junction 33 catcliffe junction (or whatever the junction is called) looked a brilliant intersection, with its many new turnoffs and flyovers. The amount of traffic on the intersection looked a little unrealistic, especially the turnoff for the direct M1A to Doncaster Sheffield Airport link (how did it ever pass planning?) Soon enough, I had the feds all over me, I counted no less than 8 Volvo T5 Estates - they still have those wierd sirens) - so I took a quick detour into the new Business Park and popped into carcraft. It was at this point that I heard lots of squeels from the rear of the Lincoln Stretch. Upon further investigation, I found it to be full of drunken 18 year old students celebrating the end of their studies. They seemed very happy with my high speed driving and were very happy to entice me into the rear of the stretch. I popped my guns in my holster and joined them in a bottle of cheap supermarket fizzy. One things for sure, Carcraft Carpark is a good place to shake off the feds and get to know the locals. They tell me that a visit in the daytime has you signed up on a 20 year deal for a car that you only popped by to have a look at.

 

I'm glad I don't have to buy cars in GTA... and the security guards are useless, which allowed for a quick getaway once I'd finished with the girls.

 

A fine rendition of this GTA edition.

Looking forward to Sheffield 7 Hills Suburbia Edition.

[kelly1980]

Whens the expansion pack coming out?

[Vague_Boy]

What ??? you couldn't speed in sheffield if you wanted too.

 

Drive on the pavements, it's great fun.

 

In GTA IV the police are very responsive. Unlike say GTA III, you can't do too much without attracting their attention. This would obviously have to be tweaked to match the local conditions. I.e. if you run over a few people, rob some pensioners, steal a car then set it on fire and ride your motorbike on the pavement you *might* achieve a 1 star rating in GTA: Sheffield.