Am I Being Too Harsh?

[El Cid]

5 minutes ago, fools said:

Discussing petty family squabbles on the internet is far worse than selling a camera.

Petty would depend on the total value of the estate.

[MallyMon]

Sibling rivalry at its very worst. Your parents had more than one child but unfortunately they failed to treat you all the same and now, instead of being a close family of adults who love one another unconditionally, you resent your sister because she had the wherewithal to approach your mother for the expensive equipment in the first place. She sounds a tad selfish, yes. But she is your sister. You are full of resentment and anger because you say she's your mum's favourite. That's sad. But you're not in a position to demand anything from anyone. The equipment wasn't yours in the first place, your sister asked for it and she received it. It's really nothing to do with you and never has been. If you can just try to stop being so jealous and let this go, you will feel much happier in yourself. Think about it. And if you can get your own equipment instead of always borrowing everyone else's, so much the better.  But blaming your sister for something that isn't her fault really isn't on. In summary, yes you are being harsh but nobody's taking any notice so it doesn't really matter. Just be the better, bigger person. You really will feel better. That's your sister you're slagging off. And on a public forum, too.

[Janet24]

Agreed - just one step further to Jeremy Kyle !

[Sierra]

I'm coming out of self imposed exile to comment on this because we had a similar situation in our family. It was sad and infuriating at the same time. This situation is tough because it involves hot button issues. Family and money.  Nothing will take you back to being eight years old again and fighting with your siblings over who has to sit in the middle, or who gets the squashed ice cream (they all taste exactly the same! Then YOU eat it, mom!) 

 

My biggest concern would be for the op's mother. It sounds like the sister is not shy about asking for things. I hope sis wouldn't pressure mom for money or keep coming back again and again with a new sob story to play on mom's sympathies.  I'm not saying that's the case, but with your father no longer there to put the kibosh on her demands...who knows what's happening. And God forbid if she were I'd bet mom wouldn't say anything.  

 

It's amazing someone can reach the age of 45 or 50 and still have no idea how to handle money.  And the onus is always on the non guilty parties to be the bigger person and tolerate bad behavior, while the guilty party goes on doing whatever the heck they want when they want with no repercussions. 

 

To the op, I don't feel you are being too harsh.  I understand it's not the monetary value of the camera equipment. It's your sister having zero respect for your late father's possessions and taking advantage of the situation and exploiting your mother's emotions. For a 'freakin iPhone!  Sometimes it helps getting the perspective of strangers with no connection to you or your family. Sister needs to start being a help to her elderly, widowed mother and not a hindrance.  Stop asking for money and start asking mom if she needs any help with anything.  Clean her house, bring her hot meals, take her out or just keep her company.  

 

Please, you and your siblings look out for your mother as best you can.  Best of luck yo you. 

[Resident]

15 hours ago, Sierra said:

My biggest concern would be for the op's mother. It sounds like the sister is not shy about asking for things. I hope sis wouldn't pressure mom for money or keep coming back again and again with a new sob story to play on mom's sympathies.  I'm not saying that's the case, but with your father no longer there to put the kibosh on her demands...who knows what's happening. And God forbid if she were I'd bet mom wouldn't say anything.  

Mum won't ever say anything. This is the problem. My late aunt (lost to cancer 14 years ago) once had a go over how Mum dealt with the eldest sister after my sister had done serious wrong.

 In her words, which I agree with wholeheartedly:

"It's time you became her parent and stopped trying to be her best mate when she's in the wrong. Standing up for her will only lead to her thinking she can do as she pleases because you'll have her corner"

Sadly Mum didn't listen & now it's a case of she asks 'how high?' when my sister says 'jump'. 

15 hours ago, Sierra said:

To the op, I don't feel you are being too harsh.  I understand it's not the monetary value of the camera equipment. It's your sister having zero respect for your late father's possessions and taking advantage of the situation and exploiting your mother's emotions. For a 'freakin iPhone!  Sometimes it helps getting the perspective of strangers with no connection to you or your family. Sister needs to start being a help to her elderly, widowed mother and not a hindrance.  Stop asking for money and start asking mom if she needs any help with anything.  Clean her house, bring her hot meals, take her out or just keep her company.  

 

Please, you and your siblings look out for your mother as best you can.  Best of luck yo you. 

Thank you for understanding my view on this. Yes it's a public forum and yes those involved will know it's them that's been discussed however to everyone else they are anonymous and I was looking for an outside perspective. 

 

[mafya]

I have read your op and understand where you are coming from, she manipulated your mum into letting her have the camera under false pretences and then sold it even though another sibling was interested in purchasing it at market value. 
If she was going to sell it then the least she could have done imo is offered it to the sibling who was interested in buying it so as to keep it in the family.

I don’t think you are being harsh I think you are upset at the way she has gone about things and have realised what a selfish person she is. If I was in your position I would cut her off and still be there for your mother because even though she may always give in to your selfish sisters side she is still your mother and if you cut your mum off then later in life when your mother is no longer around you will end up regretting not being there for her.

I have a similar family situation and have cut off from my sister and two brothers.  I’m still there for my mum and dad even though they sometimes defend the others selfish behavior. 
Sometimes you have to cut someone off for them to realise that their behaviour is wrong. I also don’t think your wrong for discussing it on a forum as sometimes you need to let it out and maybe see what other peoples opinions are on the matter just to see if you are maybe over reacting or not.

If someone has zero respect for their own dad then what respect are they going to have for others?

Anyway I hope you continue to have a good relationship with your mother as she does need you and hopefully you can learn to just ignore the selfish sister  and I will say that you and the rest of your siblings keep an eye that your selfish sister doesn’t try and manipulate your mother for her own gain.