Burial? cremation? or boil-in-a-bag.

[Padders]

As we know, Death is a great leveller , communism in it's purest form..

Your family may choose to remember you with a giant pyramid on the outskirts of Cairo, or they might choose to mark your passing with a bunch of petrol-station Chrysanthemums, crudely tied to some lamp post on a suburban dual carriageway, but your still dead..

I worry about Death a lot, it bothers me, I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing how or when it will come.

Will it be tomorrow and spectacular, or will it be many years from now with a tube up my nose?

Is there a Heaven? If there is, I shall remind St Peter that Christianity is based on forgiveness, say I'm sorry for being a bad un, and demand that I'm allowed in..

 

They say that we leave our body behind when we are dead, but what if we don't? What if there is a next life, and enter it in the same carcass that transported us through this one?

It's why I don't carry a donor card, I would be awfully hacked off if I'm granted an eternity of milk and honey but keep bumping into things because some  git on earth has my eyes..

It is for this reason that I have made it plain that, when I go, I wish to be buried and not cremated.. Your not going to have much fun with the angels if you arrive at the Pearly Gates looking like the contents of a Hoover bag.

 

I'm bringing this subject up, because last week I read some undertakers are now offering a third option..

A burial?  A cremation? or would sir like like to be dissolved in Caustic Potash and then flushed away down the sewers.

No! sir I bloody wouldn't.

This process is called Resomation  and it works like this: you are placed in a silk bag with some water and Potassium Hydroxide and then boiled until you become a greeny-brown paste 

The ashes of those who've been cremated are scattered in places of great beauty, not chucked in a dustbin lorry.  This is because we have a respect for the dead.

And I'm sorry, but where's the respect in turning grandad into a paste and flushing him down the lavatory?

Melting the dead maybe practical, but it's also horrific. Lets be honest, were talking about a "Boil-in-a-Bag" funeral, and it's just not on.

Boil-in-the-bag works-just about- for Parsley Sauce, but not for your Mum.

I'd rather be fed to the dog, no grave is required, the dog gets a tasty midday snack, everybody's happy.

Except, of course , where not happy, are we, because were not allowed to feed our nearest and dearest to Fido.

So does anybody agree with this Resomation thing, I certainly don't, I don't want to be used for all Eternity by God using me to stick his wallpaper to the wall...........

 

[fools]

15 minutes ago, Padders said:

It's why I don't carry a donor card, I would be awfully hacked off if I'm granted an eternity of milk and honey but keep bumping into things because some  git on earth has my eyes..

Since 2020, you have to opt-out to avoid having your corpse used as spare parts.

 

But they didn't send any information out to tell anyone. Just sneaked it in.

 

If it's anything like previous NHS data sharing opt-outs, they'll ignore it anyway - they sold data on regardless, blaming an IT/administration error.

Edited October 4, 2022 by fools

[Jack Grey]

A cremation for me and then my ashes fired out of a World War 2 battleship gun with some confetti and glitter 👍

 

 

Edited October 4, 2022 by Jack Grey

[Mr Bloke]

23 minutes ago, Padders said:

As we know, Death is a great leveller , communism in it's purest form..

Your family may choose to remember you with a giant pyramid on the outskirts of Cairo, or they might choose to mark your passing with a bunch of petrol-station Chrysanthemums, crudely tied to some lamp post on a suburban dual carriageway, but your still dead..

I worry about Death a lot, it bothers me, I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing how or when it will come.

Will it be tomorrow and spectacular, or will it be many years from now with a tube up my nose?

Is there a Heaven? If there is, I shall remind St Peter that Christianity is based on forgiveness, say I'm sorry for being a bad un, and demand that I'm allowed in..

 

They say that we leave our body behind when we are dead, but what if we don't? What if there is a next life, and enter it in the same carcass that transported us through this one?

It's why I don't carry a donor card, I would be awfully hacked off if I'm granted an eternity of milk and honey but keep bumping into things because some  git on earth has my eyes..

It is for this reason that I have made it plain that, when I go, I wish to be buried and not cremated.. Your not going to have much fun with the angels if you arrive at the Pearly Gates looking like the contents of a Hoover bag.

 

I'm bringing this subject up, because last week I read some undertakers are now offering a third option..

A burial?  A cremation? or would sir like like to be dissolved in Caustic Potash and then flushed away down the sewers.

No! sir I bloody wouldn't.

This process is called Resomation  and it works like this: you are placed in a silk bag with some water and Potassium Hydroxide and then boiled until you become a greeny-brown paste 

The ashes of those who've been cremated are scattered in places of great beauty, not chucked in a dustbin lorry.  This is because we have a respect for the dead.

And I'm sorry, but where's the respect in turning grandad into a paste and flushing him down the lavatory?

Melting the dead maybe practical, but it's also horrific. Lets be honest, were talking about a "Boil-in-a-Bag" funeral, and it's just not on.

Boil-in-the-bag works-just about- for Parsley Sauce, but not for your Mum.

I'd rather be fed to the dog, no grave is required, the dog gets a tasty midday snack, everybody's happy.

Except, of course , where not happy, are we, because were not allowed to feed our nearest and dearest to Fido.

So does anybody agree with this Resomation thing, I certainly don't, I don't want to be used for all Eternity by God using me to stick his wallpaper to the wall...........

 

Brilliant once again, Mr Padders!

You have the ability to make people think more after reading one of your creative posts than most on here can possibly achieve by repeating the same old boring drivel day after day!

[hackey lad]

Don’t know about feeding the dog, there’s enough of me for a pride of Lions   😀

[ads36]

personally, it's a 'sky burial' for me.

 

(dump my carcass on a platform, on top of a telegraph pole.  Then let the crows, buzzards, and kites have their pick)

[lobster]

M e ,I want a Viking Funeral

[Mr Bloke]

4 minutes ago, ads36 said:

personally, it's a 'sky burial' for me.

 

(dump my carcass on a platform, on top of a telegraph pole.  Then let the crows, buzzards, and kites have their pick)

Hmmm...

I think a satellite dish would be more appropriate than a telegraph pole...

[The_DADDY]

I've told the kids when I die they are to stick me under a tarp in the garden and use me for fertilizer the following year.

[pattricia]

1 minute ago, The_DADDY said:

I've told the kids when I die they are to stick me under a tarp in the garden and use me for fertilizer the following year.

Love it !