Padders Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 I was reading the Sun newspaper on Saturday (I only buy it for the TV guide, Honest) and the President of Lanzarote doesn't want us Brits visiting his Island anymore.. Now I've always harboured a cheery notion that us British people are a shining beacon of hope and goodness to the dirtier and less well educated. I assume that when our glorious island is mentioned, people all over the World imagine us going to work in bowler hats and volunteering to be out in a game of cricket, way before the umpire has actually made up his mind..When they think of us, they think of the newsreader reading the news on the BBC.....In a Tie! But 'Fraid not, It turns out that, mostly, they think we're arrogant, badly dressed, untidy, loud, drunk and nowhere near as much fun to have around as the Japanese.. It turns out that hotel staff in Lanzarote don't actually like it when we do the conga through reception at two in the morning, they think this sort of stuff is antisocial. Further digging reveals that we spend a lot of money while on holiday, it's mostly on beer, burgers, and cheesy puffs.. We're all binge drinkers, we worship people with no talent, we go on holiday to enjoy ourselves , we don't like staying at home mooching about in a eeyore blanket of drizzle. Cheer up, for gods sake. The fact is that Britain is a Jolly place to live, and thanks to a few dedicated souls like me and that chap from Ryanair, it's likely to be warm, thats why we do the Conga at two in the morning , because we're happy, and that's why the hoteliers don't like us: because they're jealous... They have to live on an island where the wine's made from creosote, the women don't shave their armpits, and you need to bribe the plumber with something from Faberge to get him to mend your dishwasher. They can't cope when they see us lot bouncing into the hotel with our sexually liberated girlfriends and our big strong pounds... I know this is true, because anyone who's ever been abroad should know full well that on any international league table of bad behaviour, we are a long, long way from the bottom. Have you ever shared a Hotel swimming pool with a South African? what they like to do, and you've got to remember they're all fairly big-boned, is climb to the top of the diving board and jump on your head, and as you helplessly flop around with a broken spine, the rest of their equally big-boned family hoots with derision and orders another round of nunky brown.... And what about the Swedes? We think we can drink, Ooh, you ain't seen nothing till you've seen a party of Thors locusting their way up to the swim up bar, The only difference is that when we get drunk, we like to catch a venereal disease, when they get drunk , they act like Turnips. Apparently, the Hoteliers like the Germans very much, they say they're very quiet.. Well, yes, they would be, they have to stay sober and be in bed by nine because, as we know, they like to get up early..................... Interestingly, the Americans and Japanese are well liked, they're seen as polite, interested in new cultures, and good at tipping, I agree, but sharing a restaurant with a party of nasal septics with their two-stroke vowel sounds is like sharing a restaurant with a Flymo. and they do have the most annoying habit of talking to their friends as though they are 600yds apart. At the other end of the scale we find the French. Apparently, they are the worst holidaymakers, The pits... Except for one thing...Stop carefully and think: Have you ever seen a French person on a foreign holiday? Italy is full of of Germans, Spain is full of Brits, Greece is full of dust and homosexuals, the Dutch are everywhere, the Swedes are all Turnips, and is that someone with a strimmer? Oh no, hang on, It's a party of Americans coming up the hill.. But the French? They don't seem to do foreign holidays and with good reason. Does God leave Heaven every August and take a vacation in Hell? No..Well, why would anyone go abroad if they live in France. The fact of the matter is that the French are nowhere to be seen and that means-no arguing please-The Russians are the worst tourists in the World. Of course, they spend most of their childhood eating concrete and trying not to be tortured, so who can blame them for exploding onto the World's beaches in a tizzy of frills. Versace sun glasses, and extraordinarily tight speedo's. The only problem is that they all look so sinister with their pastry complexions and their special-forces tattoos, you get the impression that when they look at you their imagining what you would look like with no head. A lout from Liverpool may vomit on you and that's nasty, but a Russian would happily garnish your pizza with a dash of Polonium, and that's much worse.. So that's about it, Is Lanzarote now of your holiday destination? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeHasRisen Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Not reading all that, but some backtracking has taken place https://www.thesun.co.uk/travel/21770629/british-tourists-lanzarote-holidaymakers/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 (edited) Some truth in your post Padders, made me laugh😉 Edited March 20, 2023 by cressida 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Bundy Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Can't beat a bit of binge drinking!! It's what we do best. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassett one Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 i wont go anywhere i cannot get my burgers with greasy onions and fries ,them spanish tend to use garlic,them french use mayo not ketchup ,so skegness and blackpool for me,cheap tacky and guaranteed rain,but got greasy burgers,chips,ketchup,fish/chips and a great fry up with fried bread. love these two top quality holiday cold spots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister M Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 (edited) ----------------- Edited March 20, 2023 by Mister M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Bundy Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 2 minutes ago, Mister M said: ----------------- Most sensible thing you have posted for ages. 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister M Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 7 minutes ago, Al Bundy said: Most sensible thing you have posted for ages. 😉 The most original reply you've posted in ages 😀 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Padders Posted March 20, 2023 Author Share Posted March 20, 2023 18 minutes ago, bassett one said: i wont go anywhere i cannot get my burgers with greasy onions and fries ,them spanish tend to use garlic,them french use mayo not ketchup ,so skegness and blackpool for me,cheap tacky and guaranteed rain,but got greasy burgers,chips,ketchup,fish/chips and a great fry up with fried bread. love these two top quality holiday cold spots. Spot on Mr. B. We don't need to visit these foreign lands what's full of foreigner's. Why would we when we have the delights of Skeggy and Blackpool. No ruddy Yanks in Blackpool comparing the Tower with their Statue of Liberty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 I’ve been to most places abroad and found that Malta is the most friendly to British holidaymakers and Madeira is the most beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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