The Secret Life Of Handbags.

[Padders]

I read last week that women in Britain spend £350 million a year on handbags, and there's one particular brand that has a year-long waiting list even though it costs £7000.

You wouldn't want to dance round one of those in a Disco....

What's more, it's said that on average women have up to 40 handbags each..

My late wife had about 25, I once asked her why so many handbags? 

She told me it depends on the season, she claimed she couldn't use her favourite bag in the summer because it's made out of some cow and "Would look all wrong" ?

So what then? 

Should a summer bag be made out of Cuckoos? or Dragonflies? or Freddie Flintoff?

The idea that a handbag has something to do with style was backed up by Jimmy Choo, who said that if you have good shoes and a bag you will look right.

Rubbish!!! 

If you are fat and only have one tooth there's no handbag in the World that will mask the problem, unless you wear it over your head, and I don't recommend that because if you put your head in a handbag it would take two years to find it again........

On average, were told, the contents of a woman's bag are worth £550, that sounds about right. Fifty-five thousand items that are worth one penny each.

My wife however, claimed the contents of her bag are worth over £3000 not including cash.

So what did she have then, that could possibly be worth three grand? well she had an ipod, a phone, and a bagful of make-up that probably cost a hundred quid or so. but we're still £2000 light.

So, and I know it's poor form, I once had a sneaky look, and here's how it broke down.

Down below the crust, in the asthenosphere, we find a pair of spectacles that she didn't need, and three, yes three pairs of sunglasses, which seems excessively optimistic, frankly..

Why, I asked her, do you need a pair of spectacles in your handbag when your eyes are fine "Well, I might need them at some point" she said....

So does that mean there's a Stannah stairlift in there as well, and some incontinence pads?

Below the eyewear, in the upper mantle, there is some chewing gum which she never eats, coins for countries that don't exist anymore, and pills for things that cleared up 15 years ago.

I did not dare to go further than this, into the inner core, for fear of finding the bones of  Shergar, or a secret pocket being used by Al-Qaeda.

But there was something else I noted...

You know the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker that Ornitholgists believed became extinct 50 years ago? Well, let me tell you, it didn't

 

I genuinely don't understand the need to carry everything you've ever owned around with you at all times, No, really, When your out and about you don't need cough medicine for children who have grown up and finished university, and if you don't believe me, Ask a man.........

When I go out I take keys for the house, keys for the car, a telephone, a couple of credit cards. some money and a packet of mints.

And even when I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which is always, I cope just fine.

Why is it then that a woman's handbag contains just about everything, including the kitchen sink ???

[cressida]

Can't compete with your late wife on £3,000,  I'd be worried about my bag being snatched or leaving it behind.  I do carry jewellery around,  costly - yes,  but it's because it's the last thing I put on before I go out and I'm often  in a rush so if I forget then I've got some handy.

 

I carry perfume,  card holder,  tissues,  make-up,  some receipts (in the zip outside pocket) also house keys - neighbour advised keeping it in the zip pocket as well.

Sometimes phone,  mouth spray (Neeson look-a-likes have shown up lol) but they've no chance.

 

I do use a Chanel handbag but collect other designer ones.

Edited April 6, 2023 by cressida

[Jack Grey]

1 hour ago, cressida said:

Can't compete with your late wife on £3,000,  I'd be worried about my bag being snatched or leaving it behind.  I do carry jewellery around,  costly - yes,  but it's because it's the last thing I put on before I go out and I'm often  in a rush so if I forget then I've got some handy.

 

I carry perfume,  card holder,  tissues,  make-up,  some receipts (in the zip outside pocket) also house keys - neighbour advised keeping it in the zip pocket as well.

Sometimes phone,  mouth spray (Neeson look-a-likes have shown up lol) but they've no chance.

 

I do use a Chanel handbag but collect other designer ones.

I fit everything in my trouser pockets....cause im a man

 

Front Left Pocket: Keys

Front Right Pocket: Loose Change

Back Left Pocket: Cash

Back Right Pocket: Cards

 

Phone.....usually in my hand

[cressida]

1 hour ago, Jack Grey said:

I fit everything in my trouser pockets....cause im a man

 

Front Left Pocket: Keys

Front Right Pocket: Loose Change

Back Left Pocket: Cash

Back Right Pocket: Cards

 

Phone.....usually in my hand

Now you've told everyone you need an alarm in your back pockets

[Padders]

Always use to amaze me did her handbag,

If I wanted a tissue--she'd have one,

If I wanted a toothpick--she'd have one,

if I wanted a hanky-- she'd have one,

If I wanted a comb--she'd have one,

Nail clippers, razor blade, scissor's, toothbrush, suncream, pen, notepad, polo's, fags, matches, lighters, sticking plasters, hair brush, you name it I could go on and on,

Her handbag must have been a chuffin Tardis..

[bassett one]

3 hours ago, Padders said:

I read last week that women in Britain spend £350 million a year on handbags, and there's one particular brand that has a year-long waiting list even though it costs £7000.

You wouldn't want to dance round one of those in a Disco....

What's more, it's said that on average women have up to 40 handbags each..

My late wife had about 25, I once asked her why so many handbags? 

She told me it depends on the season, she claimed she couldn't use her favourite bag in the summer because it's made out of some cow and "Would look all wrong" ?

So what then? 

Should a summer bag be made out of Cuckoos? or Dragonflies? or Freddie Flintoff?

The idea that a handbag has something to do with style was backed up by Jimmy Choo, who said that if you have good shoes and a bag you will look right.

Rubbish!!! 

If you are fat and only have one tooth there's no handbag in the World that will mask the problem, unless you wear it over your head, and I don't recommend that because if you put your head in a handbag it would take two years to find it again........

On average, were told, the contents of a woman's bag are worth £550, that sounds about right. Fifty-five thousand items that are worth one penny each.

My wife however, claimed the contents of her bag are worth over £3000 not including cash.

So what did she have then, that could possibly be worth three grand? well she had an ipod, a phone, and a bagful of make-up that probably cost a hundred quid or so. but we're still £2000 light.

So, and I know it's poor form, I once had a sneaky look, and here's how it broke down.

Down below the crust, in the asthenosphere, we find a pair of spectacles that she didn't need, and three, yes three pairs of sunglasses, which seems excessively optimistic, frankly..

Why, I asked her, do you need a pair of spectacles in your handbag when your eyes are fine "Well, I might need them at some point" she said....

So does that mean there's a Stannah stairlift in there as well, and some incontinence pads?

Below the eyewear, in the upper mantle, there is some chewing gum which she never eats, coins for countries that don't exist anymore, and pills for things that cleared up 15 years ago.

I did not dare to go further than this, into the inner core, for fear of finding the bones of  Shergar, or a secret pocket being used by Al-Qaeda.

But there was something else I noted...

You know the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker that Ornitholgists believed became extinct 50 years ago? Well, let me tell you, it didn't

 

I genuinely don't understand the need to carry everything you've ever owned around with you at all times, No, really, When your out and about you don't need cough medicine for children who have grown up and finished university, and if you don't believe me, Ask a man.........

When I go out I take keys for the house, keys for the car, a telephone, a couple of credit cards. some money and a packet of mints.

And even when I'm wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which is always, I cope just fine.

Why is it then that a woman's handbag contains just about everything, including the kitchen sink ???

has one like yourself not got a man bag or a bum bag old fella? i am told one needs one these days if one is trendy,my thought are drug dealers and well i will go no further than that,my daughter loves handbags and has many,some worth a grand,not to use though  old boy just to keep in a dust bag and then boxed as they go up in value,myself i am like you 2 pockets in my jeans will do.do you get many folk with man bags or bum bags in padders bar you could do us a padders mens bags survey.

[Padders]

20 minutes ago, bassett one said:

has one like yourself not got a man bag or a bum bag old fella? i am told one needs one these days if one is trendy,my thought are drug dealers and well i will go no further than that,my daughter loves handbags and has many,some worth a grand,not to use though  old boy just to keep in a dust bag and then boxed as they go up in value,myself i am like you 2 pockets in my jeans will do.do you get many folk with man bags or bum bags in padders bar you could do us a padders mens bags survey.

Man bags, Bum bags in "Padders Bar" not flippin likely..

"Flapper" would be squawking obscenities at em, and I doubt Eileen would serve em.

Only Proper MEN visit "Padders Bar" 

Back in the late 17th century when Men were Men, and Monkeys chewed tobacco, is a tradition which is upheld to the present day..

[carosio]

3 hours ago, Padders said:

Man bags, Bum bags in "Padders Bar" not flippin likely..

"Flapper" would be squawking obscenities at em, and I doubt Eileen would serve em.

Only Proper MEN visit "Padders Bar" 

Back in the late 17th century when Men were Men, and Monkeys chewed tobacco, is a tradition which is upheld to the present day..

How about a very manly army shoulder satchel?

[The_DADDY]

Padders does it again 👏🤣🤣👏

 

[Padders]

2 minutes ago, The_DADDY said:

Padders does it again 👏🤣🤣👏

 

Just been on the football thread Daddio,

And it's like Handbags at Dawn,,,,,,,,