My Daughter Beats Me.

[echo beach]

Hey Padders, stop living in the past.

Table tennis changed in 2001 from the best of three games up to 21 points to the best of five up to 11 points.

So your daughter won the first game 11-1 and  you've got another four to play; unless of course you lose the next two!

They also now play with bigger balls than in the past, 40mm diameter as opposed to 38mm.

 

So when you're thrashing those other residents in the care home just remember you won't need the stamina necessary to reach 21, just 11.

 

echo.

 

 

 

[Padders]

1 hour ago, Mr Bloke said:

Hmmm...

I feel I must apologise to everyone and accept some of the responsibility for Mr Padders somewhat generous use of vocabulary...

... having been an influence on his early writing career by introducing him to the rather riveting "Diary of a Techie Dinosaur"!

 

Although it may not appeal to many goldfish, this was however yet another enjoyable tale from Chez Padders!

Indeed Mr. Bloke,

You deserve the title of the "Forum Bard"

The "Dinosaur" was truly a work of art, a masterpiece of Shakespearian proportions, an epic tale of suspense and intrigue..

How could I possibly turn out literature of that calibre.

Compared to your good self, I'm just an amateur...

[bassett one]

best stick to selling or giving away crystal balls or pulling pints its easier,in fact clue there try reading the crystal ball.that one you gave me got swfc there ,the hard way but we got there.pull us a pint pal?

[Mr Bloke]

34 minutes ago, Padders said:

Indeed Mr. Bloke,

You deserve the title of the "Forum Bard"

The "Dinosaur" was truly a work of art, a masterpiece of Shakespearian proportions, an epic tale of suspense and intrigue..

How could I possibly turn out literature of that calibre.

Compared to your good self, I'm just an amateur...

Hmmm...

Do not let the naysayers detract you from aspiring to reach your goal of literary greatness, Mr Padders!

One day, you too will produce a work of art of such multisyllabic genius that it will cast a huge shadow over the "Dinosaur".

Always remember that you are only ever a few punctuation marks away from crafting the perfect sentence...

... but that one day, no matter how much or how little we are acclaimed, our very existence will inevitably end with a full stop.

[rudds1]

On 19/06/2023 at 12:29, Padders said:

This happened to me yesterday.

A truly horrifying experience, I'm a broken man...Fathers Day 2023, a day I'll never forget!

So here's the story.

As we all know, it's much better to lose than to win. First of all, losing requires much less physical exertion, if you want to win a game of tennis or squash, you have to try very hard, which involves a great deal of running and sweat, whereas if you really couldn't care less, you can spend an enjoyable hour sauntering about, hitting the ball only if it happens to be passing close by...

It's the same story with Chess, if you set out to win, you really have to concentrate hard on what your doing, anticipating all the moves your opponent could make and deciding how you might respond.

Whereas if you don't mind losing, you can spend the time between moves by drinking Martinis and flicking through girlie mags. This is much more enjoyable than doing mental maths.

 

There's another big advantage to being the plucky Brit who always comes second, it's this: if you win, it's almost impossible to get your face right, you have to look pleased but not smug, and you have to walk that tightrope while making magnanimous noises to your opponent..This is tricky..

Whereas if you lose, you can just shrug your shoulders and make all sorts of jokes about how useless you are at everything..There is comedy to be had from being a loser, and none at all from being a winner...

That's why I have spent all of my life ensuring that I'm no good at anything.

 

However, there is an exception to all of this...A time when you must risk a heart attack or a seizure to ensure that you wipe your opponent off the board, or the court or the pitch or wherever you might be..This is when your opponent is one of your own children.......

Now I know a 63 year old pal of mine, who has a fondness for running half marathons , and every year he runs the Great North Run, not just to beat, but to humiliate his 41 year old son.

I understand this very well....

 

One of the sports at which I don't excel is Table Tennis, that said. I'm not a complete numpty, obviously , I won't spend the game standing 15 yards from the net making stupid spin shots and sweating like an Egyptian burglar, and you can be assured that if you've moved me to the left side of the table and then suddenly sent a shot to the right, I'm not going to risk a coronary running for it, that would be undignified.

 

Anyway, yesterday I was invited to my Daughters for a Fathers Day Sunday lunch, and this is where my tale of woe happened.

After filling me to the brim and getting me somewhat bloated, she decides to set up the Table Tennis Table, and challenge's me..(very suspicious)

I take up the challenge, within a few minute's she was winning 8-1... A score that was not possible:  it's my job as her dad to be better than her..It's my job to WIN.

Then it was 10-1, and then 11-1

At this point, I'm ashamed to say , I changed into a pair of training shoes, went outside, took some deep breaths and went back in a new man, I might have been growling a bit.

 

I sent my serve deep into the bottom corner, it skimmed the very edge of the table, and whooshed under her armpit.. YES!!!' I cried, punching the air, my face contorted with determination and rage.

And so it went on until the score was 21-20 to her, she was serving, she took her time, wondering, perhaps, what the snarling, sweat-soaked monster at the other end of the table had done with her dad.

She pulled her hand back, this was it..

My life hung in the balance, if I messed up, I would have lost to my own daughter. I focused , the ball came, I sent it back with some side, she whipped a fast one hard into the left of me, but I was ready with a chip, which she reached, sending a short ball back, I smashed a backhand at it, and knew in an instant the move wouldn't work, I was right, the ball sailed into a pile of boxes at the far end of the room and was lost...So was I.

 

My daughter was very kind and said all the right things, "she had been lucky"  "I wasn't concentrating properly at the beginning"  "it had been a good game"  "I was unlucky to lose"

and so on.

But I knew that what had just passed between us was not a fluffed backhand in a game of table tennis, it was the moment when the line of her ascent to adulthood passed my line of descent into an old people's home..........

All my daughters life, I have encouraged her and taught her things, I have watched her grow and learn, safe in the knowledge that, of course, I will always be faster and cleverer, and stronger.... And then comes the moment when I have to face up to the fact that this just isn't so.

The fluffed backhand was that moment, that pinprick of time when I realized she is now faster and stronger than me, and that one day soon, she will be cleaning up my faeces and holding my hand when I cross the road..

So, even when my daughter is having to wipe my bottom, I will still be able to offer her advice on the ways of the world- because I will always be 23 years older, she will always have 23 years fewer to have experienced things, as a result, I will always have the ability to think more strategically than her.

This is why, after I'd smashed my table tennis bat into a million pieces and fed the remains into a wood-chipping machine, I agreed to sit down and play her at chess..

I poured myself a glass of Ribena, ensuring I would go into the game sober, turned off my mobile, concentrated, and we began..

Guess what?

She won that too, I'm now thinking of killing myself............

Sum this up in two words. 
 

sore loser 😂😂😂

Edited June 21, 2023 by rudds1

[cuttsie]

Good un Padders , This Fathers day I realised just who my daughter reminded me off .

[Hanzo]

Clickbait title, was hoping for more violence.