Curing A Cold.

[Padders]

I'm extremely ill... I have a runny nose, a sore throat, a nasty hacking cough and every few minutes my eyes fill with water.

All the ingredients you need to make a convincing Lemsip commercial for the television.

So of course all you women out there will now expect me to claim that I have Flu..... But I don't.

I have a cold.

Flu, I've always thought, is a working class invention designed specifically as an excuse for not going down the mine that day, "I'm not coming to work today because I have a Cold"

sounds a bit wet and homosexual, Saying, "I can't come to work today because I have Flu" sounds more manly and butch.

Flu is nasty and claiming you have it when all you have is a cold makes you look ridiculous.

Mine, of course, is the worst recorded cold in the whole of human history and I'm defying medical science by just being here,

Technically, I am dead.

Legally, you would be allowed to remove my organs and give them to a poorly child.

 

As I sit here, shivering and tense with a headache and a tickly cough, I can't help wondering why there is still no cure.. And whether or not we might be on the brink of creating one.

For hundreds of years people thought the cold was caused by being cold, "You'll catch your death out there" people in eighteenth-century blizzards would say.

It was in the 1920's that we understood the cold to be a viral infection, a nasty little blighter that invades your body, multiplies and then causes you to sneeze so that millions of it's brothers can shoot up the noses and through the eyes of everyone within five feet.

Since then, we've been to the moon, invented the personal stereo, devised the speed camera and created the pot noodle.

But still no one knows how to cure the common cold?

Aids came along and within about 10 minutes Elton John had set up a charity and was rattling the ivories from Pretoria to Pontefract to raise money for a cure.

But the cold? not a sausage.

About 1946 the British government began summat called the common cold unit, based close to Porton Down in Wiltshire. It conducted endless experiments until in 1989 it was shut down.

Sitting here with two bits of kitchen towel rammed up my nostrils, I rather wish they'd kept it going.The American's have a Disease Control and Prevention centre, it's here that they work on Ebola and proper flu and all the nasty viruses that could wipe out the World if they ever caught an aeroplane.

And guess what advice they have for those who don't want to catch a cold?  Wash your hands with alcohol!

I worry about this in the same way I worried about the loss of Concorde, It has not been in mans nature to just give up on a project. But we really do seem to have given up when finding a cure for the cold.

 

I think there may be some hope, it seems that people mainly catch the cold in winter, and we need to get rid of it, and that, thanks to global warming may be happening.

At the beginning of October I was sitting outside in the sunshine wearing nothing but a T-Shirt, but now the wind is coming from the North and the nasty viruses have invaded my nostrils.

If, therefore, we can push the winter so far back that by the time it comes along we're already into Spring, all should be well.

So, to cure the common cold we need global warming, that will get rid of it's breeding season, this means producing as much carbon dioxide as possible, 

Yup, the cure for the common cold may well turn out to be the Range Rover...........

[hackey lad]

A well thought out thesis. Bravo  

Edited October 23, 2023 by hackey lad

[hackey lad]

By the way , if you can get a voluptuous young lady to rub goose grease onto your chest , it would help. You may have to pay but you would feel better. 

[Thirsty Relic]

After reading your missive , it strikes me that I had a similar situation not so long ago.  I felt fine one day, had all your symptoms (apart from the wish to write a novel about the experience) and felt shocking.  One 15-minute test later, I cancelled a weekful of appointments put myself into isolation as I'd tested positive for COVID.  Stongly suggest you do a test asap!

All the best pal.  I've fully recovered now and am back to normal (well, normal for me!).

[Padders]

5 minutes ago, Thirsty Relic said:

After reading your missive , it strikes me that I had a similar situation not so long ago.  I felt fine one day, had all your symptoms (apart from the wish to write a novel about the experience) and felt shocking.  One 15-minute test later, I cancelled a weekful of appointments put myself into isolation as I'd tested positive for COVID.  Stongly suggest you do a test asap!

All the best pal.  I've fully recovered now and am back to normal (well, normal for me!).

It's not Covid......

I've prescribed a few OSH's for tonight.  be as reight as rain come morning..

[El Cid]

Can the admin merge this thread with the COVID thread?

[Padders]

Just now, El Cid said:

Can the admin merge this thread with the COVID thread?

NO! NO!

Definitely NO!

It's my thread, not a ruddy Covid thread....

[MyFriendStan]

Can you manage to do a couple of laps of longley park to work a good sweat up followed by a good rub down with a tin of ajax.

[Padders]

Thanks Stan,

But I prefer VIM classic scourer.

[Meltman]

It sounds like you have a dose of that Covid to me....admit it like a man!

Just on the off chance that it's a cold...or a common cold (unlikely, you being gentry) then don't expect a cure anytime soon. There are to many people making a lot of money out of it to justify a cure....that would spoil it for them.