Binge Drinking Is Good For You.

[Ridgewalk]

On 27/02/2024 at 12:01, Padders said:

Who are they? the people who decide how we should live our lives. 

The busybodies who say that we can't smoke foxes or smack our children.. the nitwits who say that we should have a new bank holiday to celebrate traffic wardens and social workers.

Where do they meet?

Who pays their wages?

And how do they get their hare-brained schemes onto the statute books?

Honestly? I haven't a clue...But I do know this. It's obvious they like to target people who drink alcohol- i.e. everyone over the age of eight.

 

Over the years they tell us we can't drive a car if we've had wine and and women should avoid alcohol if their pregnant. Fair enough, but now they seem to be saying that all people must stay clear of all drinks, always.

They tell young people that they must stop drinking while on a night out, in case they are stabbed or end up having sex with a pretty girl, and they tell us old ones who think its acceptable to enjoy a bottle of wine with their supper, that we are clogging up hospital wards that could otherwise be used to treat injured foxes.

 

We are told that alcohol rots your liver, makes you impotent, gives you stomach ulcers and turns your skin into something that looks like a used condom.

They will show you photographs of a stick-thin man with a massive stomach who had died at the age of 36 because he'd had too many sherry trifles.

The BBC says that if you drink to much your brain stem will break and you will die!

The British government tells us that if a man drinks more than two glasses of white wine a day he will catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barmaid, Rubbish! If a man drinks two small glasses of wine everyday it's the "Padders Bar" barman he needs to worry about.

 

Well what about me?

What I love most of all is binge drinking, really getting stuck in.

Hosing down the cocktails until the room begins to swim and my legs seem to be on backwards.

I love the recklessness and freedom, massive quantities of alcohol unlock the shackles, and in the morning you can share your pain with a bunch of similarly afflicted friends.

Normal pain, such as an eye disease or toothache, is a lonely and solitary pursuit, but a group hangover is a problem shared and that seems to bring out the best in us.

Everyone's in it together, and a problem shared is a problem pared.

 

Of course, the trouble these days is that the binge drinking that is necessary to produce collective hardship is a complete no-no.

They say that if you go out and get blasted you'll die in a puddle of blood and vomit down a back alley long before you get the chance to catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barman..

Happily, this is all rubbish,

I'm going on holiday this year to Spain, and I've calculated that I will drink 55 units of alcohol each day, I'll start at 11-o-clock with a beer, and because it's so hot will carry on drinking all day, In fact I will drink enough to irrigate the entire Sahara desert.

And at night I will guzzle wine and mojitos until I fall over somewhere and sleep.

Am I now dead? No, in fact, because I drank so much I will be more relaxed, I'll find my way back to the hotel feeling fresher....

 

So there you have it, serious binge drinking is not only a nice thing to do and jolly good fun, but also-and here's something that you won't hear from the mongers of doom, It's good for you.

My handy tip this morning, Leave us normal people who do normal things alone!

 

You write all that and describe yourself as “ normal” 😂