Imposter Syndrome

[Weazel2006]

It comes with nvq in retail , just feels like I'm killing the good person I was for my daughter and calling 20 years of my life a complete waste

[cressida]

You are underestimating yourself,  ask if you can take a course in becoming a support worker,  it will build up your self-confidence.

[Weazel2006]

Been trying that for months, unfortunately it's a fight against the masses.

[Weazel2006]

No matter what I try I'm simply getting nowhere in life.

 

I just wanted to be a good person and it seems without one your trash to be rid of

[cressida]

1 hour ago, Weazel2006 said:

No matter what I try I'm simply getting nowhere in life.

 

I just wanted to be a good person and it seems without one your trash to be rid of

It doesn't help to have the negativity about yourself,  I doubt everyone lives their perfect life.  You have,  seemingly,  met a lot of people in your searches,  sometimes - on the outside - they may seem happier but you don't know what anxieties they

are going though.

[Anna B]

On 06/04/2024 at 15:41, Weazel2006 said:

Hi everyone. It's been a year since I posted and it's been horrific.

 

Ever since I was diagnosed with autism my life has gone from bad to worse. In July of last year I attempted suicide by jumping from a bridge, I couldn't see a way out of my issues, I was dumped after a lovely 15 year marriage and not one word that has come out of my mouth has been right to anyone else.

 

I had tried to do a call center job but kept getting into trouble there. It all has been because my wife said I never shut up about work and that it didn't matter if I did or not she loved me for me, but still doesn't want me back

 

Long story short I'm told my autism makes me an overthinker and I am entitled to the benefits I receive but I don't know because I've rarely ever worked. I wake up every morning hit with anxiety and feeling like I'm a no good scrounger. I've spent time in hospital doing online health and social care courses and also with open university free courses, applied for hundreds of jobs and nothing.

 

I just want some company from loneliness, someone to take a chance on me and give me a shot at life.

Hi again, we've talked before, and|I've been trying to message you, but can't get through.

I'm so sorry your feeling so low and have been having a really rotton time of it, to the point of wanting to end it all. I'm so glad you didn't. Please never give up or give in, no matter how bad you feel. Please don't think I'm underestimating how hard it is, but things can change and you can start to feel better - where there's life there's hope eh? But you deserve more than platitudes. 

I see from your later posts you have been receiving some sort of help, so well done for that. I know they don't have a magic wand but it's a jolly good start. 

 

I think you are being very hard on yourself and it's probably right that you are overthinking things a bit. You have autism. It's not your fault, but It's making life difficult for you in ways that you maybe don't realise. But if you embrace it you may find it can be a blessing as well as a curse. Find out what you can about it. There's lots of stuff online, (too much?) and lots of people who are documenting their experiences of living with it, so you are not alone. Try 'Youtube' and hear it from the horse's mouth.

I like this guy    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXz9TpKGd5g&t=8s

 

He has it, and has done a series of interesting videos. Just remember autism is a spectrum disorder and manifests itself differently for everyone who has it, so each experience is personal to them and not necessarily typical. That can be confusing. One thing they have in common though is the difficulties of 'fitting in' to neurotypical society so there's a lot of loneliness out there before they find their tribe. 

 

There are some good Ted Talks too. And loads of books, but they tend to be a bit more technical rather than anecdotal. They say only about 20% of sufferers manage to work and hold down a job. It's all about the problem of square pegs in round holes, leading to lack of confidence and low self esteem, so don't feel guilty about that and be kind to yourself. That said, volunteering would be a good move if you can manage it. It might do you good and get you out and about.  

 

Remember I said it could be a blessing as well as a curse? Well, you may well be an original thinker or a very creative person, or exceptionally good in a particular area. We need individuals who think differently and challenge the norms. You'd be in good company, there are quite a few autistic people in the academic and digital world who are making waves by thinking outside the box.

 

But most of all you need to learn to love yourself. You are a very worthwhile person, caring and loving, who has touched the lives of others in all sorts of positive ways. The world will always be a better place with you in it.

Please, please, always remember that.  

 

  

 

 

[Anna B]

 

 

Ted Talk.  Autism is being differently able, not disabled. 

 

[Padders]

6 hours ago, Anna B said:

 

 

Ted Talk.  Autism is being differently able, not disabled. 

 

What a kind, compassionate person you are Anna.

Your a credit to the Forum.

I do hope Weazel takes your advice..

[Weazel2006]

As an autistic individual I have sunk many hours into autism research, stories and help guides. Anxiety of not having functional skills, knowing in essence my life has been lazy are my two biggest faults.

 

I'm studying, writing a children's book based of bedtime stories I told my daughters, I'm blogging about ocd and mental disorders both experiences and helpful tips. I've got two business ideas stocked and ready to pop , I need to be able to promote them...does SF allow that?

 

It's a harsh reality to face your behaviours are wrong, specially when you don't set out to hurt anyone. My reality thanks to ocd is a very maladaptive way of thinking. I went cold turkey with my rituals 4 years ago and its akin to taking someone's belief system away.

 

I've been accused of being self centered, self righteous when I'm truthfully seeking answers. I believe autism translated to self?

 

I appreciate your comments and I will watch the Ted talks you provided, I just need someone to have faith in me...I am a devoted father who has raised his child with good values and who is succeeding, I just now need the same for myself.

 

As a very reclusive person I lack the skills and resilience of a workplace. I would love it if my business ideas took off. 

 

I'm terms of disability I still think I'm suffering imposter syndrome I've questioned the Dr's who diagnoses me. I've yet to find my tribe. Although I'm on limited capability and now pip due to my injuries I feel fraudulent, like I'm not trying hard enough.

 

On top of all that I have a visual impairment that could lead to my being blind in the coming years.

 

Sigh I'm full of joy lol.

 

Thanks again for your replies, I really am trying to get out of my rut.

[Anna B]

My goodness Weazel, how can you think you're not doing enough? I think you're amazing to be trying so hard to turn your life around! You honestly put the rest of us to shame. I do wish you luck with your many endeavours. You sound like such an interesting person who could probably teach us a thing or too. I am so sorry if you found me a bit patronising but I was worried about you. 

 

We need creative individuals pushing the boundaries, I think you'd be rather wasted in a humdrum job when you have such rich ideas and projects. So please don't be in a hurry to change, you are very valuable just as you are, and should regard any benefits you receive for living costs as a stipend to support your talents and ingenuity (Einstein did much the same thing 😊)

 

 IMO It's not the race that's important, but the taking part, and the journey that counts. Who knows where it will lead and what you will discover?

I, for one, consider your pursuits as extremely worthwhile Weazel and wish you all the very best for the future. Keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on.