Imposter Syndrome

[francypants]

Weazel  .........   successfully bringing up a child as you have done is one of the most important jobs of all.

[Weazel2006]

I guess I didn't realise how well I'd raised lana. I truly miss my wife and daughter, all of it came about from thinking I'd just taken a mother from her child with her working and me not.

 

I just didn't feel right, I spent close to 4 years literally pacing everyday back and forth apologising for being an anxious person , always telling my daughter how sorry I was l.

 

Well can't get wife back, I spent too long without hugging and kissing them that she fell out of love with me, I was severely depressed but I guess she didn't want that as part of her life.

[Weazel2006]

I just can't win. Chance of being a support worker with dimensions,  got a txt saying they wanted to go to the next stage, then email said couldn't get in touch so withdrawing application.

 

I have no log of their call either, chasing it up. Surely something has to go right for me at some point.

[Weazel2006]

Well got an email earlier for some mandatory nhs training. I'm being sorted with an official nhs email address.

 

My issue here is that I'm really very used to what is a scrounger life, I'm getting so scared of moving forward all I know is how to be a dad.

 

Not sure what these people are seeing in me.

 

Got council worker coming to see me again tommorow. I feel so embarrassed for needing so much support, I'm just not world wise at all.

[Padders]

13 hours ago, Weazel2006 said:

Well got an email earlier for some mandatory nhs training. I'm being sorted with an official nhs email address.

 

My issue here is that I'm really very used to what is a scrounger life, I'm getting so scared of moving forward all I know is how to be a dad.

 

Not sure what these people are seeing in me.

 

Got council worker coming to see me again tommorow. I feel so embarrassed for needing so much support, I'm just not world wise at all.

Keep us updated Weazel..

We all wish you the very best.

 

 

[Weazel2006]

Today I took a huge step outside my comfort zone. I've applied to also volunteer at a local library and on the way back I stopped off in the park I didn't even know was there.

 

It's taken me nearly 20 years without a baby in tow etc to merely sit for a while in public.

 

I've lost my family because I was riddled with anxiety and hoping my life would continue, due to my breakdown I lost them and now I'm trying to show my baby bear that you can face your demons.

 

I have a long way to go, but if its OK with admits I'd like to keep the post running...there will be others in this city sufferering like i have and I would like for them to see my story, journey and read some of the lovely comments they so desperately need too.

 

Now I have to deal with what this means for my wider mental state...this requires lasagne lol.

[Padders]

1 hour ago, Weazel2006 said:

Today I took a huge step outside my comfort zone. I've applied to also volunteer at a local library and on the way back I stopped off in the park I didn't even know was there.

 

It's taken me nearly 20 years without a baby in tow etc to merely sit for a while in public.

 

I've lost my family because I was riddled with anxiety and hoping my life would continue, due to my breakdown I lost them and now I'm trying to show my baby bear that you can face your demons.

 

I have a long way to go, but if its OK with admits I'd like to keep the post running...there will be others in this city sufferering like i have and I would like for them to see my story, journey and read some of the lovely comments they so desperately need too.

 

Now I have to deal with what this means for my wider mental state...this requires lasagne lol.

That's the spirit Weazel.

Onwards and Upwards.....

[Anna B]

21 hours ago, Weazel2006 said:

Today I took a huge step outside my comfort zone. I've applied to also volunteer at a local library and on the way back I stopped off in the park I didn't even know was there.

 

It's taken me nearly 20 years without a baby in tow etc to merely sit for a while in public.

 

I've lost my family because I was riddled with anxiety and hoping my life would continue, due to my breakdown I lost them and now I'm trying to show my baby bear that you can face your demons.

 

I have a long way to go, but if its OK with admits I'd like to keep the post running...there will be others in this city sufferering like i have and I would like for them to see my story, journey and read some of the lovely comments they so desperately need too.

 

Now I have to deal with what this means for my wider mental state...this requires lasagne lol.

Well done Weazel. 

Remember, baby steps, take it steady and don't expect too much just yet.. The first steps are often the hardest so you're doing well. Let 'Don't overthink it, just do it.' be your mantra. Confidence will come in time.

 

We're all wishing you well. Let us know how you're getting on. xx

[Weazel2006]

I'm feeling very down today. I try to look at my life with any positive but I can't.

 

I had wanted to go into Hillsborough with my daughter, get her some things from the shop, take her for a meal etc.

 

I know she has seen the whatsapp messages owing to the blue tick but getting nothing.

 

I'm so on edge all the time in case I say the slightest thing wrong. The reality of my life is I'm an entitled self pitying mess with no sense of responsibility or accountability.

 

I'm slowly moving back to the mindset that broke my body last year. Life is brutally hard and I don't know how to hold my own. I recieve benefits and wanted the easy life...how wrong was I.

 

Sorry not in a good way today...I wish at least I could have someone to talk to that is an actual human being but I seemingly don't deserve that either.

[Anna B]

Sorry you're feeling low, but feeling low is something that affects nearly everyone. Life is a succesion of good days and bad no matter who you are and what's happening in life.

Tomorrow is another day and you might be feeling quite different, either way it's achance for a fresh start.

 

Kids are difficult for every parent, particularly when they get to a certain age, so try not to dwell on it. Plans go wrong and It's possible to upset / offend them just by breathing in the wrong way 😏 never mind saying the wrong thing... You can't win so, just be your authentic self and let them get on with it.

 

You are not 'an entitled, self pitying mess,' You're struggling with ill health, and finding things understandably difficult at the moment. Give yourself a break and try to relax, whether that's by meditating, yoga or whatever is your thing, or simply something as simple as watching a bit of telly or reading a good book. Give your brain a rest with a bit of distraction to take your mind off things.

Be kind to yourself once in a while. You're worth it.