Padder’s Bar ?

[Padders]

1 hour ago, Thirsty Relic said:

At Morrisons, the price of a Fray Bentos has suddenly dropped from £3.25 to £1.99.....  I wonder if others are also having the same problem as Padders?  If so, surely they should also find a tool that can get into it, and sell them next to them?

They want to try using my tool, it's useless..

[YorkieontheTyne]

Hey Padders. I’ve had a thought (although it gave me a headache). Start a rumour that your Bay Frentos pie is causing the deforestation of the Amazon.
Just Stop Oil get wind of this rumour and come along and glue themselves to your pie tin. Then the fire brigade come along with the tin snips that they use to take the tops off crashed cars and cut the oil protesters free, removing the lid of the pie tin in the process, and voila, your pie escapes its prison.
OK the downside to this is that there may be a couple of fingers in your pie, but chew hard, you’ll get through em. 

 

[pattricia]

Before being a nurse I worked at the offices of OXO in the Wicker. They distributed Fray Bentos tinned pies from their warehouse next to the offices. I never bought one until years later, but I also had enormous trouble opening the tin even with a good tin opener. Wouldn’t you think after all these years that Fray Bentos had changed their tin to a better one, that could be easier to open ?

[Padders]

37 minutes ago, pattricia said:

Before being a nurse I worked at the offices of OXO in the Wicker. They distributed Fray Bentos tinned pies from their warehouse next to the offices. I never bought one until years later, but I also had enormous trouble opening the tin even with a good tin opener. Wouldn’t you think after all these years that Fray Bentos had changed their tin to a better one, that could be easier to open ?

Their a pain in the backside Pat.

They never used to be like this...

I've been eating them for many, many years and never had any trouble opening them.

It's only recently I've had this problem.

I reckon there's some skullduggery taking place.

[YorkieontheTyne]

53 minutes ago, Padders said:

Their a pain in the backside Pat.

They never used to be like this...

I've been eating them for many, many years and never had any trouble opening them.

It's only recently I've had this problem.

I reckon there's some skullduggery taking place.

Of course, the Snake and Pigmy puds now have ring pulls and go in t’microwave.

[Thirsty Relic]

5 hours ago, pattricia said:

Wouldn’t you think after all these years that Fray Bentos had changed their tin to a better one, that could be easier to open ?

I used to do the "Quick" crosswords, but stopped doing them as they were not really very challenging, so I moved to Cryptic ones. 

 

Perhaps sales were dropping, and FB listened to customer feedback that they wanted a more challenging tin, so they made one that required a bit of (or a lot of in some cases) thought to get into.  Before people start thinking that can't be the case, people DO like challenges - how many people do you see walking the length of the Moor for a challenge as opposed to doing the Sheffield Marathon for example, or climbing the sand dunes at Mablethorpe as opposed to climbing Ben Nevis? 

 

Worth thinking about ....

[Padders]

2 minutes ago, Thirsty Relic said:

I used to do the "Quick" crosswords, but stopped doing them as they were not really very challenging, so I moved to Cryptic ones. 

 

Perhaps sales were dropping, and FB listened to customer feedback that they wanted a more challenging tin, so they made one that required a bit of (or a lot of in some cases) thought to get into.  Before people start thinking that can't be the case, people DO like challenges - how many people do you see walking the length of the Moor for a challenge as opposed to doing the Sheffield Marathon for example, or climbing the sand dunes at Mablethorpe as opposed to climbing Ben Nevis? 

 

Worth thinking about ....

You make some very good points Thirsty..

What would we do without you?

[hackey lad]

17 hours ago, Padders said:

They want to try using my tool, it's useless..

We’ve heard  😃

[YorkieontheTyne]

19 hours ago, Padders said:

They want to try using my tool, it's useless..

Have we gone back to the “something for the weak end” scenario?

[Padders]

Very interesting discussion last night in "Padders Bar" regarding the state the World is in..

Many members were concerned about the strength of our armed force's.

Could we defend ourselves should WW3 break out?

Do you fancy yourself as an elite, highly trained killing machine? 

Who can honestly say that at some time or other they have not dreamt of joining the SAS- their motto "Who dares wins"- the crack force of highly trained soldiers feared by terrorists and enemies of Britain throughout the World...

 

But how many of us have got what it takes to join the SAS?

Soldiers who apply to join the regiment must undergo many months of tough training, and some of the toughest applicants will fall by the wayside.. Only a handful are hard enough to join the SAS.

So what are your chances of making the grade?

Before you consider applying to join the SAS, try completing my questionnaire.

Answer each question A. B. C. then tot up your final score to reveal whether you've got what it takes...

 

1. You set off on a caravan holiday to Cornwall, but your car breaks down with 200 miles to go, what would you do?

A. Call the AA or RAC.

B. Cancel your trip and return home by train or bus disappointed.

C. Pack the entire contents of the caravan into a rucksack and yomp the rest of the way, taking the most mountainous route available..

 

2. You have gone to stay with a friend who is getting married next week, however when you arrive he has no spare bed, and a relative is sleeping on the settee.. what would you do?

A. Book into a nearby bed and breakfast.

B. Wrap up well and sleep in the car.

C. Smear your face with animal droppings , and go and live in a nearby forest for a week, feeding on nuts, berries, and hunting wild animals.

 

3. You go shopping for some new clothes, there is a good selection in the shops, which of the following outfits would you choose?

A. A smart but casual jacket, corduroy trousers, and a plain tie.

B. A pair of comfortable cricket flannels or slacks, and a lambswool v-necked sweater..

C. Black trousers, black roll necked sweater, black balaclava, bullet proof vest, lightweight boots and a gas mask.

 

4. You begin to notice that your next door neighbour is coming and going at strange hours of the day and night. You suspect therefore that he might be an international terrorist. what would you do?

A. Mind your own business, it's none of your concern.

B. Ask discreetly around the neighbourhood in order to put your mind at rest..

C. Smear your face with animal droppings and hide in a pile of twigs in his back garden for 6 weeks. compiling a dossier of his movements..

 

5. You are in a bakers shop when you notice a customer purchasing a Belgian bun and half a dozen finger rolls. Suddenly an Arab terrorist steps forward brandishing a semi-automatic pistol. what would you do?

A. Dive for cover behind the pastry counter.

B. Lie flat on the floor and do exactly as your told.

C. Swiftly disarm the terrorist using martial art skills before breaking his neck with your bare hands, then pinning him to the floor till the police arrive.

 

6. You arrive at a restaurant for a meal, but are told by the head waiter that no table is available for 20 minutes. what would you do?

A. Sit down and enjoy a drink until your table is ready.

B. Go to another restaurant that isn't quite so busy.

C. Smear your face with animal droppings, then throw a flash bomb into the salad bar, drag everyone outside, force them at gunpoint to lie down in the car park, then return to pick the table of your choice.

 

7. You neighbour has asked you to look after his 6 thoroughbred dogs while he is on holiday. however, after a couple of days one dog is off his food and looks a little unwell. What would you do?

A. Ignore it, it's probably just pining for it's master.

B. Take it to the vets for a check-up, it's better to be on the safe side.

C. Take the dog to a nearby waste ground, put a pillow over it's head and shoot it. then return and kill all the remaining dogs to make sure you got the right one.

 

8. You pop round to a friends house to see if he wants to go out for a drink. However, when you get there, there is no answer and the door is slightly ajar. What do you do?

A. Return home, and call back later.

B. Nip round the back to see if he's in the garden.

C. Burst into the house keeping your back to the wall and go from room to room, spraying the walls with bullets and occasionally doing a forward roll.

 

9. Whilst shopping in the supermarket an old lady catches your ankle with a shopping trolley.

When you get to the checkout you notice that the skin is slightly broken. What would you do?

A. Just forget it, it's only a scratch and will heal itself in due course.

B. Nip back to purchase some elastoplast and some antiseptic cream..

C. Hastily improvise a makeshift field hospital in the fruit and vegetable section, sever your leg below the knee using your Swiss army knife, then seal up the stump with a red hot iron, in case it goes septic.

 

10. You arrive home from work only to find that you have lost your house keys. you try the doors and windows but they are all locked securely.. What would you do?

A. Return to work to look for your keys, if you cannot find them you can sleep in the office for the night.

B. Pop to a friends house nearby until your wife returns, she has her own set of keys.

C. Smear your face with animal droppings before busting into your neighbours house using a sledgehammer, leave the occupants bound and gagged in a downstairs room, then make your way up to the attic and remove the skylight before clambering along the roof towards your house, then tie a rope around your chimney and absail down your back wall and crashing in through a ground floor window..

 

So how did you do?

Award yourself 1 point for every answer A. 2 points for answer B. and 3 points for answer C.

Less than 10, oh dear me, you'd be better suited joining the boy scouts, but don't worry, dads army would like to hear from you.

11 to 20. not a bad result, your tough, but not tough enough.

21 to 30.. CONGRATULATIONS!

You've got what it takes, next time the SAS storm the Iranian embassy you could be the first one in.

Hurry down to your Army careers office immediately and ask for an SAS application form.