Do you have a Significant Other? What would you do if you became single?

[cressida]

People use the word 'nightmare' loosely these days,  that was a real one.  He needed the support the ex-army soldiers receive now - I'm ever conscious

that whatever problems a person has they shouldn't be taken out on others.

 

 

[echo beach]

15 hours ago, Padders said:

Same here Daddy,

Many years ago I had a massive and I mean massive circle of friends, when I was on holiday, at home or abroad, someone would come up to me and say "Now then Tom, how tha doing"

My wife used to say to me how do you know so many people..

Now I'm afraid I've outlived most of them, another factor is no pubs now on the Shiregreen, once upon a time we had up to 20 pubs, all gone!

I like to people watch, can't do that on your own anymore, People now get suspicious.

My day out now is a visit to ASDA etc.

I'll never forget one holiday in Rome when I met the Pope in Vatican Square.

I overheard a tourist say, "Whose that bloke talking to Padders"

Happy daze, but not anymore...

Which Pope was that Padders, Pius X?😃

 

echo.

[Padders]

10 minutes ago, echo beach said:

Which Pope was that Padders, Pius X?😃

 

echo.

Pope John Paul, Echo.

I didn't know whether to call him John or Paul, so I just addressed him as "Mate"

[Anna B]

I thought divorce after 25 years of marriage was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but it wasn't. I was so traumatised I vowed I would never marry again. However it actually opened the door to a new life with new opportunities and eventually a new and much much happier relationship with a lovely new partner who was everything my ex husband wasn't. 

 

Then I lost my beloved partner of 25 years 2 years ago. It was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  It's not only the loss of the person themselves but so much more. You also wave goodbye to your best friend and your future. You feel as though you have been riven in half and nothing will ever fill the void. One things for sure; life will never be the same again.

 

But like it or not life goes on, so you finally manage to recover enough to start trying to forge a new future for yourself, but it's hard, and it's not the future you'd looked foreward to. There are false starts and setbacks. There's still family, and you learn who your real friends are. Slowly you put something together bit by bit. Some things work, some things don't. It's exhausting. There are good days and bad, but the loved one never leaves you. You still talk to them every day, think what they would do in similar circumstances, you carry on for their sake. Routine's form and you realise you're stronger and more resourceful than you thought you were. You keep on putting one foot in front of the other and surprisingly you survive.

 

Finally, you realise there are actually the odd things you like, like the freedom to please no one but yourself. Come and go as you please, eat and sleep  when you feel like it. You step out more as a new you develops, even if it terrifies you at first. You find new friends and interests in unexpected places. Companionship in pets. You find purpose in helping others. You begin to realise how lucky you've been to have had such love in your life, and that it will never fade. You learn to accept grief and loss as a part of life that everyone must endure, so use what you must learn and appreciate much more what you've got while you've still got it.  

 

You realise you are still very much a work in progress, and still learning every day. 

And God willing, you always will be. 

Life is precious. Use it well.  

 

[cressida]

Cheers Anna,  you are a strong woman. 🙂

[Padders]

18 minutes ago, Anna B said:

I thought divorce after 25 years of marriage was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but it wasn't. I was so traumatised I vowed I would never marry again. However it actually opened the door to a new life with new opportunities and eventually a new and much much happier relationship with a lovely new partner who was everything my ex husband wasn't. 

 

Then I lost my beloved partner of 25 years 2 years ago. It was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  It's not only the loss of the person themselves but so much more. You also wave goodbye to your best friend and your future. You feel as though you have been riven in half and nothing will ever fill the void. One things for sure; life will never be the same again.

 

But like it or not life goes on, so you finally manage to recover enough to start trying to forge a new future for yourself, but it's hard, and it's not the future you'd looked foreward to. There are false starts and setbacks. There's still family, and you learn who your real friends are. Slowly you put something together bit by bit. Some things work, some things don't. It's exhausting. There are good days and bad, but the loved one never leaves you. You still talk to them every day, think what they would do in similar circumstances, you carry on for their sake. Routine's form and you realise you're stronger and more resourceful than you thought you were. You keep on putting one foot in front of the other and surprisingly you survive.

 

Finally, you realise there are actually the odd things you like, like the freedom to please no one but yourself. Come and go as you please, eat and sleep  when you feel like it. You step out more as a new you develops, even if it terrifies you at first. You find new friends and interests in unexpected places. Companionship in pets. You find purpose in helping others. You begin to realise how lucky you've been to have had such love in your life, and that it will never fade. You learn to accept grief and loss as a part of life that everyone must endure, so use what you must learn and appreciate much more what you've got while you've still got it.  

 

You realise you are still very much a work in progress, and still learning every day. 

And God willing, you always will be. 

Life is precious. Use it well.  

 

That's a lovely post Anna, from a lovely person..

Strange how things work isn't it..

My wife used to solve any problems we had, but she was clever enough to make me think I was the brainy one..

I found out different when she passed 9 years ago.

It took me 3 weeks to figure out how the toaster worked, and I still don't know how the washing machine works, I just use the quick wash for everything.

Now when I'm confounded and at my wits end, I sit down and ask her what to do.

She always answers back and tells me what to do?

Very odd, but I swear it's true...

 

[Slighty batty]

2 hours ago, Anna B said:

I thought divorce after 25 years of marriage was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but it wasn't. I was so traumatised I vowed I would never marry again. However it actually opened the door to a new life with new opportunities and eventually a new and much much happier relationship with a lovely new partner who was everything my ex husband wasn't. 

This has been very much my own experience too. We'd been married for 29 years (together for 31) and he was working abroad on a contract when I found he was having an affair with a 26 year old woman.  I was so hurt I really didn't want another relationship. Threw myself into my job, and my garden helped to keep me sane. Then about 9 months later this wonderful guy walked into my life. A year later he shyly asked me out for dinner (he had also been cheated on by his ex-wife and was still getting over it.) A year after that he moved in with me and we've now been together for nearly 16 years.  The funny thing is that we're complete opposites in just about everything.  Our tastes in music and literature are different, we like different foods, we have different political views...etc! I would never have picked him from an online dating site. But we have loads of fun and laughs, he gets on well with all my kids, is a brilliant grandpa to the little ones, sits there like a big softie while they tie ribbons in his beard, and when he holds my hand I feel like I'm 16 again. 

[hauxwell]

3 hours ago, Anna B said:

I thought divorce after 25 years of marriage was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but it wasn't. I was so traumatised I vowed I would never marry again. However it actually opened the door to a new life with new opportunities and eventually a new and much much happier relationship with a lovely new partner who was everything my ex husband wasn't. 

 

Then I lost my beloved partner of 25 years 2 years ago. It was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  It's not only the loss of the person themselves but so much more. You also wave goodbye to your best friend and your future. You feel as though you have been riven in half and nothing will ever fill the void. One things for sure; life will never be the same again.

 

But like it or not life goes on, so you finally manage to recover enough to start trying to forge a new future for yourself, but it's hard, and it's not the future you'd looked foreward to. There are false starts and setbacks. There's still family, and you learn who your real friends are. Slowly you put something together bit by bit. Some things work, some things don't. It's exhausting. There are good days and bad, but the loved one never leaves you. You still talk to them every day, think what they would do in similar circumstances, you carry on for their sake. Routine's form and you realise you're stronger and more resourceful than you thought you were. You keep on putting one foot in front of the other and surprisingly you survive.

 

Finally, you realise there are actually the odd things you like, like the freedom to please no one but yourself. Come and go as you please, eat and sleep  when you feel like it. You step out more as a new you develops, even if it terrifies you at first. You find new friends and interests in unexpected places. Companionship in pets. You find purpose in helping others. You begin to realise how lucky you've been to have had such love in your life, and that it will never fade. You learn to accept grief and loss as a part of life that everyone must endure, so use what you must learn and appreciate much more what you've got while you've still got it.  

 

You realise you are still very much a work in progress, and still learning every day. 

And God willing, you always will be. 

Life is precious. Use it well.  

 

Enjoyed reading your story Anna.   Sharing your grief and how you coped with it and other posters on here who have gone through a similar experience and told their story, I’m sure it  can help others who have recently lost a love one.  

 

[echo beach]

28 minutes ago, Slighty batty said:

This has been very much my own experience too. We'd been married for 29 years (together for 31) and he was working abroad on a contract when I found he was having an affair with a 26 year old woman.  I was so hurt I really didn't want another relationship. Threw myself into my job, and my garden helped to keep me sane. Then about 9 months later this wonderful guy walked into my life. A year later he shyly asked me out for dinner (he had also been cheated on by his ex-wife and was still getting over it.) A year after that he moved in with me and we've now been together for nearly 16 years.  The funny thing is that we're complete opposites in just about everything.  Our tastes in music and literature are different, we like different foods, we have different political views...etc! I would never have picked him from an online dating site. But we have loads of fun and laughs, he gets on well with all my kids, is a brilliant grandpa to the little ones, sits there like a big softie while they tie ribbons in his beard, and when he holds my hand I feel like I'm 16 again. 

Proof  Slightly batty that opposites attract. Well done. 😁

 

echo.

[Draggletail]

19 hours ago, The_DADDY said:

Thank you for that. It's nice of you to say but the real damage was done to the kids. I was humiliated but the kids ended up getting mercilessly bullied to the point my lad tried to end it all. He's in a much better place now but sadly his love for his mum has been replaced with bitterness and anger. He may be 25 but he thinks like a child so it was incredibly confusing for him the poor bugger. 

 

That's awful, carrying bitterness and anger isn't healthy.  Don't underestimate your experience though, I would have thought that the whole thing must have knocked your confidence regarding getting involved with another and trusting them. I'm sure it would me.