Do you have a Significant Other? What would you do if you became single?

[Padders]

3 minutes ago, The_DADDY said:

I'd go along with that matey and yeah, the forum has been a big help to me too. If I didn't have this place I'd probably go for days without interacting with anyone aside from the kids. 

Same here Daddy,

Many years ago I had a massive and I mean massive circle of friends, when I was on holiday, at home or abroad, someone would come up to me and say "Now then Tom, how tha doing"

My wife used to say to me how do you know so many people..

Now I'm afraid I've outlived most of them, another factor is no pubs now on the Shiregreen, once upon a time we had up to 20 pubs, all gone!

I like to people watch, can't do that on your own anymore, People now get suspicious.

My day out now is a visit to ASDA etc.

I'll never forget one holiday in Rome when I met the Pope in Vatican Square.

I overheard a tourist say, "Whose that bloke talking to Padders"

Happy daze, but not anymore...

[Draggletail]

18 minutes ago, The_DADDY said:

My bold

My daughters coach used to say me and ex were like the Waltons 🤣

He was as shocked as me when I told him she'd left us.

I was very much in love with her but unfortunately it was mostly a sham. She actually had a whole other life me and the kids knew nothing about. I was absolutely crushed and humiliated. I've been told it would make an excellent film.

I'm guessing it would be a black comedy though. 

I'm shocked and sad to hear that, I really am. Sorry that you had to go through this, it's the worst.

[mad-dad]

3 minutes ago, Padders said:

Same here Daddy,

Many years ago I had a massive and I mean massive circle of friends, when I was on holiday, at home or abroad, someone would come up to me and say "Now then Tom, how tha doing"

My wife used to say to me how do you know so many people..

Now I'm afraid I've outlived most of them, another factor is no pubs now on the Shiregreen, once upon a time we had up to 20 pubs, all gone!

I like to people watch, can't do that on your own anymore, People now get suspicious.

My day out now is a visit to ASDA etc.

I'll never forget one holiday in Rome when I met the Pope in Vatican Square.

I overheard a tourist say, "Whose that bloke talking to Padders"

Happy daze, but not anymore...

Spot on Padders. Weeks without talking properly to real people (except the checkout bod) simply because there's nothing in common. Then you go home and discuss your day with none other than yourself. Any interaction has gone out the window

[The_DADDY]

2 hours ago, Padders said:

Same here Daddy,

Many years ago I had a massive and I mean massive circle of friends, when I was on holiday, at home or abroad, someone would come up to me and say "Now then Tom, how tha doing"

My wife used to say to me how do you know so many people..

Now I'm afraid I've outlived most of them, another factor is no pubs now on the Shiregreen, once upon a time we had up to 20 pubs, all gone!

I like to people watch, can't do that on your own anymore, People now get suspicious.

My day out now is a visit to ASDA etc.

I'll never forget one holiday in Rome when I met the Pope in Vatican Square.

I overheard a tourist say, "Whose that bloke talking to Padders"

Happy daze, but not anymore...

My bold.

Mate, I was ready to start bawling.

Then BOOM!

I cracked up 🤣

Never change mate. You dont know how many times you've cheered me up when I've really needed it 🙏

[The_DADDY]

1 hour ago, mad-dad said:

Spot on Padders. Weeks without talking properly to real people (except the checkout bod) simply because there's nothing in common. Then you go home and discuss your day with none other than yourself. Any interaction has gone out the window

I'm very sorry to hear that fella. It must be rough but I know what you mean. 

[The_DADDY]

2 hours ago, Draggletail said:

I'm shocked and sad to hear that, I really am. Sorry that you had to go through this, it's the worst.

Thank you for that. It's nice of you to say but the real damage was done to the kids. I was humiliated but the kids ended up getting mercilessly bullied to the point my lad tried to end it all. He's in a much better place now but sadly his love for his mum has been replaced with bitterness and anger. He may be 25 but he thinks like a child so it was incredibly confusing for him the poor bugger. 

 

[echo beach]

It’s the psychological damage often done to the kids in marital splits that riles me Daddy.

I’ve seen that in many forms over the years in schools.

Children thrive on stability, particularly in a loving home environment and yet parents / partners sometimes forget that in their quest for what they want.

Nowadays the Me Me Me attitude is more prevalent than ever. Think of the consequences of what you’re about to do. Count to ten! Calm down! Have a bit of self control! All pertinent.

If it’s an abusive relationship then it might be better to separate even for the children but sometimes it’s simply selfishness. The ‘grass isn’t always greener on the other side’ says the old adage and that’s very true.

 

 

echo.

[DUFFEMS]

I had a rotten childhood, a father who'd been a brilliant soldier in WW2, I respect him for that but, he could never accept responsibilty of a wife and 2 children after the war. He had a well paid job as a long distance lorry driver but, his money was for him not his family.  He was truly awful to my mother who tolerated his behaviour, made excuses for him etc..  It was  mum who did 2 cleaning jobs to pay the mortgage  even though it was in his name. I used to dread him coming home from the pub, I'd walk miles to grandparents just to get out of the way until it quietened down. Yes, it does affect the kids, even now at 75 I hate raised voices, I don't watch anything violent on TV. It was the 2 kids who finally persuaded mum to "go it alone", we literally chucked him out when he came back from the pub one Sunday afternoon. It took mum 3 years to get her divorce on the grounds of cruelty,  one of only 3 options in the early 60's.

Needless to say I didn't do well in my GCE O Levels at the same time all this was going on but, I left Grammar School on the Friday and started work on the following Monday before I even got the exam results, we needed the money, I paid mum £2 per week board then.

I was determined I would have a different marriage from my parents, our children would be wanted and provided for.

We've just had our 54th wedding anniversary,  we were childhood sweethearts meeting  at age 8 years in Carfield Junior School. In all those years we've experienced redundancies, ill health, bereavement and all the other normal hardships everyone has but, we love life, we laugh a lot especially when we read Padders and The Daddy's posts on here.

When I look back over the last almost 76 years I can't believe I got here, mortgage free, paid for sons university (he's a cancer research lecturer) and our children are in long term happy marriages.

When my father died I was asked to pay for his funeral otherwise it would be a Council one, he'd died alone in his flat aged 68, he was still a lorry driver. Of course I paid, he was my father after all.

Back to the origianal question of "what would I do if I became single", I would be devastated, the one  stable thing in my life has been my marriage and, I could never love someone as much, it wouldn't be fair to another to partner.

I feel really blessed and I wish you guys all the best in whatever choices you make especially for the kids involved.

 

[cressida]

Interesting but heartbreaking post,  pleased your Mum got her divorce,  maybe he couldn't adjust to life outside the army.

You have certainly made up for it in your married life,  happy for you.😊

[DUFFEMS]

Yes Cressida, mum remarried happily  to a man who she met when she finally plucked up the courage to go dancing with her  own mum, we got her back on her feet.

I'm sure my story isn't unique, there were lots of kids born just after WW2 who had returning fathers who, as you say, couldn't adjust to responsibility, we made allowances for this and the fact my father was placed in the workhouse by his own father but, he was "adopted" by an elderly couple, brought up as an only child, his mother doted on him.

The horrors he experienced as a soldier we can only imagine but, he survived and had a good job in civilian life with a very loyal family, his wife's family embraced him. We all made excuses but, they weren't reasons for someone to hit a woman and kids, constantly through his dinner at the wall, run up a bill in every local shop for his fags etc. Every Sunday I had to repair the broken Zobell radio in order to listen to Luxenburg, he'd smashed it after coming back from the pub. I laugh about it now but, I know that there are thousands of kids out there who're still experiencing these life long traumas, I can appreciate how The Daddy feels for his kids. 

My  advice for anyone thinking about a new relationship is to take it slowly, get to know the person and always protect yourself and any kids involved, they're still here after you've gone and possibly bearing the scars.

Life is wonderful if you fall in love with someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Regards,

Duffems