Friend announces he's gay - how should I handle the situation?

[Jabberwocky]

In the 80s a mate of mine was scared to "come out" because of all the saddoes who cant live and let live, and when he finally did have the courage most of his so-called "Friends" dropped him like a hot spud. He was my best buddy at the time and there was NO way was I going to stop hanging around with him just because he was gay. We went to straight clubs for me to pick up birds and on some nights to a gay club so he could get into the gay stuff.

Id usually take a girlfriend and wed drink and listen to the music while my mate enjoyed himself without having to worry about tossers starting on him.

If you consider him to be a good mate and you consider yourself to be a good mate then nothing much should change.

[evildrneil]

maybe a good slap might make him see sense,could it be one of these fad things.

Like sometimes its meant to be trendy to say you are gay.

 

How do you handle it - well better than that!

 

As has been noted here

 

a) Coming out is a very hard thing to do - you should consider yourself lucky he trusts you enough to tell you.

 

b) He fancies men not women - so what? Unless of course your arrogant enough to think that you are so irrisitable that he will want to pounce on you!

[pk014b7161]

a mate of mine came out recently ,i didnt know which way to turn.

[Guest]

Just because he's gay doesn't automatically mean that he's suddenly going to decide to fancy you. Attraction requires more than the possession of the Y chromosome and the appropriate set of genitalia .

 

It shouldn't affect your friendship in any way. He's simply announced another facet to his personality. It must have been difficult for him to get to the position where he felt happy and secure enough to admit his sexuality to his friends and family. You should be supportive, not focussed on how the news will affect you.

[EdnaKrabappe]

I was the first person a male gay friend of mine came out to.

 

It didn't happen in one go, he told me over the period of a month, - sounds weird but he told me he'd got a gay friend, the gay friend had tried something on with him, he quite liked it, he'd reciprocated.

 

We were a lot younger then (16) and the world was a very different place - he literally would have been the only gay in the village so he was testing my reaction.

 

I reacted the same as I would now to a friend if they told me - oh really - like I would if a female friend told me she had a thing for blonde haired rugby players- not my type but that's your thing.

 

What it doesn't change is that probably every other aspect of your friend remains the same - in my friend's case he still had an odd passion for gardening, he liked crap music and could drink a pint faster than me every time. In other words - he didn't fancy you before, he doesn't fancy you now- he's still just your friend. Sexuality is a part of someone, not the whole of them. Although I'm sure your friend will want to talk about his feelings from time to time, if most of your conversation is currently dominated by the premier league or something, things don't have to change.

[dada]

Gay people are nice and real people,, years ago ive got loads of them, they make my life happy,they are fun to be with,, no dull moment, sad thing when i come over,,cant find real people ,, so u lucky u have him,, accept him as who he is,, xxx

[artisan]

Dont turn your back to him in his hour of need

[SpiderPete]

This has happened,,what do you do? how do you handle it? god its kind of freaky as ive known him for years.

maybe a good slap might make him see sense,could it be one of these fad things.

Like sometimes its meant to be trendy to say you are gay

Not actually sure if I can because its almosst as if ive been lied to all these years so its the trust thing you see

 

well coming from a gay man (thats me), I can probably feel what he is going through right now, "coming out" is not the easiest thing to do, trust me, I`ve been there, and I am sure alot of the other other gay men on here have similar stories as well.

 

How do you handle it ? = he is the same guy as he was before, nothing has changed except you find out now he fancies men, big deal, its the 21st century, it happens.

 

One of those fad things ? = I doubt it, he has probably known for ages he is gay, but kept it to himself, as I have mentioned on other threads, IMO I believe we are born gay, we dont turn gay over night, so he aint gonna change dear, embrase him for who he is.

 

Has he lied to you ? = no he hasn`t, he has trusted you as a friend to "come out" to, and tell you who he really is, thats not easy to do, "coming out" was one of my hardest descisions I ever made, I know it was along time ago, and who I told are stil my friends because they respect me for who I am, and they never felt they were lied to at all. As they said afterwards they would have been lied to if I had never told them that I as gay.

 

Give him a big hug and tell him how much of a friend you lke him, he may need someone close at this time of his life, and by the looks of things, he has chosen you.

 

Do tell us how things turn out please. The Forum is here to help you as well, if you wish you can always PM me.

 

OMG I`ve done a serious post, I knew I could do it

[katy1981]

after reading some of the previous posts mainly the first few i have to say im shocked im not sure if they were said in jest or not but im appauled im my opinion it sounded slightly homaphobic

 

are you sure your not actually homaphobic?

 

no wonder some (and i hate to use the term ) "gay" people find it difficult to come out and tell freinds and family

 

for gods sake what does it matter really?

 

ok i see what your saying about feeling like youve been lied to but maybe you should think about it in the sense that maybe he wasnt sure and wanted to get his own head around it before telling his freinds and family and maybe its took him this long to feel confident in his own sexuality and the freindship he shares with you to make him able to tell you

[emerald7502]

The reason he lied to you all these years is probably because he didn't know how you would react. Your friend probably doesn't want you to treat him any different, and now that he's told you, you can either; still be his friend and be greatful he told you, or, treat him differently meaning he waited to tell you but it didn't make a difference. Maybe he didn't know if he was gay or not until recently? Dunno, just ask.