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I've Got Santa's Naughty/Nice List!!


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I also have a little list. A hit list, and guess whose top of it? Yes, the fat man himself, I plan to assassinate Santa.

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Name- Jabberwocky : Very Naughty

Reason: Jabberwocky is on a mission to kill all holiday based character representations. Earlier this year he silently waited in the dark, for the Easter Bunny to drop his guard before pouncing with his knife. The Easter bunny struggled for a while before going limp, and was latter disposed of in a vat of acid. He has already taken out the the Valentine Cupid with a poisoned umbrella, and goreotted the April fool when his back was turned. He doesn't however known that Santa has been in training with Segal*, Van-Damme and Chuck Norris, to take on all enemies should it come to a full on xmas smackdown

Suggested Present: A bullet proof vest, made of coal

 

 

*although Segal has not been much help, simply telling him to “Be the Door”

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Well, as an artist, I can confidently state that a piece of coal is no punishment at all, what with the myriad creative opportunies for mark making, sculpture, avant garde jewellery or setting up a happening where I burn it to symbolise the environmental destruction that will engulf us all. I could place it in a vitrine and label it 'Lloyd' as a clever synthesis and comment on early eighties politics and pop, and scoop the Turner and be richer than you. I laugh at your materialist orthodoxy. :cool:

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Where was I? Oh yes, checking what the big man has been writing about all of us….

 

Name-Purdyamos Verdict: Naughty

Reason: It has been known for some time now, that Purdyamos has a major obsession with the film, “Superman 3” and despite being told countless times, that it is impossible to replicate the scene in the film where Superman squeezes a piece of coal so hard it turns into a diamond. This has not stopped her with her evil plans. Keeping hundreds of captive workers locked in her coal shed, forcing each one to squeeze pieces of coal, until one of them finally manages to produce a priceless diamond. It has also been reported she takes two bottles into the shower (which are just bottles of Shampoo, just incase you think I’m trying to be clever)…and drinks each one in turn.

Sugested Present: A Lump of Kryptonite (with added tar!)

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Name-Fox20thc Verdict: Undecided

Reason: This year has been much better for Fox20thc, as she finally achieved the world record for the longest string telephone (one piece of string measuring 24miles with two tin cans either end). Fox20thc also proved that the country of Belgium is merely an optical illusion done with mirrors (it was obvious once we knew!) However she has constantly failed to grasp the concept behind sudoku puzzles, and continues to put random numbers in the boxes. Stating that “Why does everything have to add up?, Why can’t numbers just be?”. Carol Vorderman, disagrees in the strongest possible terms.

Suggested Present: One from the top and four from the bottom Carol

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