Jump to content

I've Got Santa's Naughty/Nice List!!


Recommended Posts

Name-Simondjuk (otherwise known as “Barney The Purple Dinosaur”) Verdict: Naughty

Simonduk has become quite an expert on the infinite monkey theorem, which states that a million monkeys hitting random keys will eventfully type the greatest works of literature. However Simonduk also thinks that dressing them in funny hats will, if not help; at least make things funnier. He has a particular fondness for dressing baboons in ten gallon hats, gibbons in Sombreros, chimpanzees in stovepipes, and booboos in bowlers. As yet the only intelligent thing typed by the monkeys is “fascism is not, as contemporary Marxists ignorantly set the dictatorship of the capitalists in a world not quite ripe for communism” this was followed by the obligatory feces throwing. Still those monkeys do look very funny…

Suggested Present: A lump of coal, and a “left turn” from Clive

 

Name-Zweena Verdict: Naughty

Zweena has been being trying to achieve the “Pirate Look” for over a year now, and has little success. For a start she couldn’t find a parrot for her shoulder, so strapped on a frozen chicken. When this got lost during an attack on a local trading ship, she replaced it with a pack of “Bernard Manning Turkey Sticks”. History shows Pirates never talked with a Welsh accent, despite her instance. An eye patch on each eye was never going to be good idea and calling her Volvo car “The Angry Cutlass” and screaming “hard to starboard!!” at every right turn is frankly embarrassing

Sugested Present: A bagful of dubloons (made of coal)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Name-Balleys_mum Verdict: Naughty

During a freak accident, involving a waffle iron, a lightening storm, and a pack of bourboun biscuits. Balleys_mum was given the power of ESP and can now sense everything before it has even happened. One would suspect that this would lead to a life of fighting crime, and stopping evildoers. However this power is mainly used for saying “Bless you” before somebody has sneezed, laughing at old people before they have fallen over, and saying that every ‘Adam Sandler’ film “isn’t that funny” before it has even been released (although to be fair, that doesn’t take much working out)

Suggested Present: She already knows…..

 

Name-Steelcitybab Verdict: Nice

Steelcitybab lives in 7th century dark ages Britain, and is only able to use the 21st century SheffieldForum via a series a pulleys, wheels, sandbags, and a copious amount of mud based technology. Of course back in the dark ages, people only had basic 286 machines, with barely 16mb of RAM, and the internet was still in black and white. Steelcitybab has been tried as a witch on at least seven occasions when she has let slip about the marvellous modern wonders of the future, such as “First Bus Services” and “Peter Andre”. Life is so tough, so an entry on the nice list must be forthcoming.

Suggested Present: Anything that isn’t considered the devils tool (which basically only leaves mud)

 

Name-Dafoot Verdict: Nice

Dafoot is made out of cardboard, and so is sadly unable to enjoy the rich life most of us take for granted. Water is highly dangerous as wilting could occur. Open flames are an obvious danger and last time he went outside a strong gust of wind blew him across three counties. However he is able to travel much cheaper then any of us, as any trip costs him only standard postage. He is helping out Santa this year, by wedging himself under the office table with the rickety short leg

Suggested Present: Extra Bubblewrap for the longer journeys

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.