Kaimani Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I have uploaded the first three chapters of a book i'm a bout to finish. it's the third draft. the book is called 'raquem for a ghost in the darkness-a blind man's sonate in 'A' minor.' Any suggestions for a better title are welcome and criticism is much appreciated. Even if it's to say you got so bored you could not go past the first word. This is the link. A blind man's sonata in 'A' minor - Version 1 blessed rasta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopman Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Wow! It was worth waiting for, there's no doubt about that. On one hand I was sorry there were not more chapters, but on the other, maybe there were too many posted. If the rest of the book is going to portray in flashback the events leading up to this point, then I don't feel there should be any more than the one chapter at this point. You could combine all three, separating the sections with the * * * as has been done by many others. I'll keep looking for more of this story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaimani Posted January 17, 2007 Author Share Posted January 17, 2007 thanks and praises hopman, you are most kind. blessed rasta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 That's a great opening to the book, Kaimani. As Hopman says, it's a very dramatic start leaving the reader wanting to carry on reading. Writing as one who has had a less fierce first warning from one's Maker, your descriptive prowess in Chapter3 scared me a bit. Well worth the read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Nicely written You do like your metaphors It came over very depressing; I suspect that was your intension, and so you achieved your goal. I hope there is some humour in the book. I look forward to reading further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Very poetic writing Kaimani. Very dramatic. I hope we have more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaimani Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Nicely written You do like your metaphors It came over very depressing; I suspect that was your intension, and so you achieved your goal. I hope there is some humour in the book. I look forward to reading further. thank for the kind words. i did, however, hope to potray for a sense of hopeless urgency in the face of the inevitable. i guess that is depressing:hihi: i'm not really sure how to explain it really- happens a lot when not writing in one's first language, i feel- but as the first in a trilogy i guess the book is going to have to be much darker than it would be were it a stand alone if the triumps of book three are to count for anything. the story goes thus:(THUS??!!) he wakes up to find his girlfriend has dissapeared and things seem wrong. when he gets home he finds people saing they've lived there for years and they call the police... anyway the main part of the book he's locked up suspected of being some killer who's been killing off girls that look exactly like the girl he draws, with the help of the police artist, as his girlfriend. at some part in the book he realises he woke up seven years from the seizure and no one-parents and whatnot- know him. this is why i can never go past the second paragraph of the synopsis!!!! anyway, the guy survives the seisure but everything he remembers, even some scars on his body, seems never to have existed and so he probably didn't really make it. it's not that oh-he-was-dead-all-along a la sixth sense thing. ok, i'll stop now. blessed rasta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaimani Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 hey guys. been a while. i posted a draft of the first few chapters of a book i'm working on and got some really great feedback-pat yourself on the bac, spook-and took it to heart. it's little long i know and more or less the same stuff happens as before but i hope you like the new piece. A blind mans sonata in 'A' minor - version 2 ps-got canvas and stuff with the vouchers i won with the january piece and made this clock i'm going to send to joe and spook, and shine so they can add it to the prize for this month's contest. good luck ya'll. ------------ my life is jah work, only the mistakes are mine. love and light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Beautiful, what more can I say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I love the way you balance your sentences, Kaimani. For example, "Right answers to the wrong questions..no answers to the right ones.." It's almost like reading good poetry all the way through, with balance and counterbalance in almost every line. A lovely piece of writing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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