John Locke Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I agree with SleepyHead. Had so many lost chances in similar situations I now just go for it. Lay your cards on the table 'cos you only live once. Allegedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 ...but she wants to be friends. She knows i feel that way about her but wants to remain friends. ... Has she told you this recently? If so, there doesn't seem much room for interpretation. If you pursue it, you run the risk of making her feel uncomfortable at best, or pushing her away at worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasilRathbon Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Of course, you could always hide a tiny camera in a shampoo bottle and stick it in her bathroom..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 If she has genuinely told you that she doesn't want a deeper relationship then you've really got no choice but to deal with your own feelings however you see fit, but leave her out of it or risk making her feel very uncomfortable. However, if what's happened is that you've interpreted various things that she's said into a good case for her not wanting a relationship, then I think that you owe yourself and her the chance for an honest discussion about this. There are ways to have open and honest conversations about this sort of thing without causing offence- and what would happen if you thought that she'd said no, but you find out years down the line that she hadn't said anything of the sort but you'd squashed your feelings for no reason when something wonderful could have happened instead? You're the only one who can say truly whether she knows how you feel (and you can't assume that she's psychic here!) or whether she's made some general comments that you have interpreted as a 'no'. I suggest you spend some time examining exactly what has been said, and what has been inferred, before you decide how to act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bago Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Keep it in yer pants, mate and look at this thread. Oh God, forget that thread! This is one of those instances, whereby it is not always better to let other resources cloud your own gut instincts and judgements of the current situation. Feelings are feelings, and you should let it play itself out. Go for it, is what I say. I kind of agree with Sleepyhead here too. The scenarios and the possibilities are obvious. 1) If girl runs away. Conclusion, she saw you as a friend only from day one. (This is not the OP's scenario, if the girl also wanted to get intimate with him anyway. Plus she is still friends with him. So it is not no interest at all.) I've done this before too when I was young, cos I didn't want to deal with the situation. i.e. don't want to hurt them by being blunt, nor aggressed them (bad experience from my part thinking back), so I just avoid instead. 2) If she liked you and expressed that, but you rejected her, she could become resentful. So, if she said no, or a more negative response... then it is obvious. Either let the resentment died down first before asking her, or ask her and leave her be, and leave the ball in her court and for herself to slowly come round. If she still likes you a lot, then she will be interested again. (Of course, provided you haven't actually gone and found yourself a rebound relationship by this point.) It is really hard to bottle the feelings, but if you don't try, you don't know. I think it's very cruel to have people hanging on, and I can understand why blokes cut off with no contacts at all. I'm the same with my ex. There was a moment whereby he wished to remain friends, (I didn't know what he meant by that) but I knew that I was falling for him again, and because he said "no", I resented him too. It is hurtful, and I think better to have no contact than to have contact and watch people that you love fall for someone else, or flirt with other people or go on and on and on about someone else. He used to do silly things to "test" me to see if I was still interested. I remember him saying things like "treat them mean, keep them keen" etc. He's an idiot! I didn't give the response that he wanted, cos I know the girl that he talked of was lusting after him, but I know that he wouldn't choose her, cos she is so young. So...que sara. What he never saw behind closed doors, he won't know. Yeh, I cried for him, but he's an idiot. So... sometimes it isn't about how the couple is, or isn't. It's about how fate plays a role too. Timing, misunderstandings etc. If you've tried your best, then that is all there is to it. Good luck. I hope things will work itself for you. If you're going to tell her anyway, pick the right moment, so she understand what it truly mean. Don't blurt it out online, or send a text or anything like that. Seeing facial expression and people's reaction is the true answer. I learnt that one recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdnaKrabappe Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 It depends. Some people are honest about how they feel, some people tell half truths to prevent in their head, people getting hurt. I know a mate of mine has told people that she likes them but she's not in the right place right now and has kissed them but in reality, has no intention of ever taking it anywhere. I tell her this is wrong - she should say I like you as a friend but that's all it's ever going to be. Deep down you'll know what your friend is like... was the sex a mercy 'I'm lonely and it's Christmas type' offer or was it genuine..? These 'friends' occasionally try it on with my friend which confuse her even more and probably themselves. I just wish everyone could be honest even if the truth hurts. If all else fails say it once but if she says no, just be happy with her friendship. If then she tries it on when she's feeling a bit low, do what you did at Christmas and tell her no as it's you that will get hurt in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I'm in total unrequited with Keeley from the Robin Hood in Stannington. And I think she knows I like her as well but she's taken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bago Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Yeh, truthfulness. It's also recognising that within yourself too, and others. For me, I probably shied away from the situation, but I guess the older you get, the braver you are. As much as people say that, people are bold, brash in social circumstances, when it comes to falling to somebody. Most people won't risk it. It is a self protecting mechanism in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenniflower Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 You turned her down at Christmas? YOU turned HER down at Christmas. God, even if fancied the pants off you, if you'd turned me down I'd be telling you I wanted to just be friends. What's that old saying about a woman scorned....? Me and my blokey were friends for a long time. He turned me down once when we were drunk (only time I had the guts to do anything) and so I assumed he wasn't interested. What a waste of time, years of friendship that could've been so much more... But every situation is different, this is just a different angle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rip_dime Posted April 12, 2007 Author Share Posted April 12, 2007 Dint think it'd would have been right id known her from guna pub with other friends for like a 2 month period. And i know she'd slept with people b4 and they proper messed her about and stuff and hurt her. Was this a instance of me been too nice and respectful for ma own gud? I know about her wanting to be friends from another mate she works with,that mate has advised me to b her mate and if owt happens its up 2 fate 2 decide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.