Bago Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 If a woman says she wants to " be friends" thats exactly what she means.If she meant anything else, youd soon know about it. Ahh... but it depends on what you mean by "be friends", cos women's definition of "be friends" and men's definition of "be friends" are different. That is, if the guy has not moved onto someone else to console himself first, which dampens his own chances with the girl too. Not everybody will do that, but a lot of guys do, do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenniflower Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 So.. do enlighten us, how did you end up getting together in the end then? If you felt so resentful to him? When you wrote "blokey", I presume that you're together now then ? Who made the first move, or what happened next? Some years later, drunk, not a lot of talking, he made the first move. Me - shocked of Sheffield! I also managed to convince all my friends and mutual friends in the mean time that I was happy with friendship, but, again, that is one situation and this is another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bago Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Some years later, drunk, not a lot of talking, he made the first move. Me - shocked of Sheffield! I also managed to convince all my friends and mutual friends in the mean time that I was happy with friendship, but, again, that is one situation and this is another. I know. I just wondered about the outcome. I know that not all situations will end up the same way. I can understand why the friends will feel protective. For me, after that embarrassment. I still kind of kept in touch a bit to see what happens. I found that he actually has a lot of female friends. Strings of them. The guy (who seemed really decent when I first met him), was someone who also "played" (directly, indirectly?) someone else. Out of 3 girls, I cleared it with him, he asked me out first, I didn't say yes to a first date, but didn't make it clear as a no to a relationship, but he threw a strop, and we're never the same. 2nd girl also made it clear and did ask him out. He said no. They remained friends for a bit, but I think she's too hurt. So she's distanced herself. 3rd girl, fancies him. Kind of falling for him a bit. Does not have the bravado to tell him. I don't think he knows. Became very protective of him, and was also kind of became a tad psycho with 2nd girl and myself. Learning, and asking how our encounters were, and moulding herself to fit his ideal? I only knew this when I told her out of confidence of our past. We talk of such personal matters, and she never directly told me that she fancied him, but I think she asked me for approval or permission of some type. I was a bit magnanimous about it, but... it did hit me later when I gave it some thoughts. I don't think I can trust her at all. So our friendship died a death anyway. I think they must've remained friends. I see her, and I see myself as a young girl years ago. I think it is a very cruel way to treat yourself. Now? I won't go through that kind of sticky and messy scenario ever again. It is much better to date someone out of your own social circle of friends, cos friendships will definitely die if a relationship issues takes place. I don't know why I fell for this guy anyway, when he also flirted with a friend of mine and I tried to set them up on a blind date, just cos he asked ! Stewpid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitewitch Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 if she knows how you feel about her but still wants to be friends then id say respect her wishes, carry on being a good friend, who knows in time she may realise what shes been missing and things might progress further, but there again they might not, either way, dont ruin what you have now:) good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pussycat Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I've been wandering in and out of a similar situation for the past 6 months. A pattern emerged whereby my mate and I would get a bit drunk, have a laugh, snuggle up in bed and then VERY nearly do something we would almost certainly both regret. He turned me down when I was blantantly asking for it on several occassions. Like babychickens said, I thought it was because he didn't fancy me and I'd thought made a complete **** of myself. But he rejected me because he realised it was the right thing to do for our friendship (which has since gone from strength to strength) and that made me respect him so much. However, I know he sometimes kicks himself for not taking an opportunity that your average bloke would have - nice guys finish last and all that . I have since gone through one more crisis period with him where I thought I was falling completely in love with him and really panicked because I knew we would be no good for each other at the places we are in our lives right now. Turns out that actually I do love him, as a FRIEND. Once I had accepted that it is ok - in fact it is wonderful - to feel like this about a friend, we are getting on with things as normal. We both know we have a friend that we can count on at any time, for any reason. It remains to be seen how I will feel when he gets it together with another woman though. I suspect I will be jealous as hell, but as long as she makes him happy then that is all I want for him. Perhaps the OP should just give it some time and see how their feelings develop. It might happen the same as it did for me, changing from "in love" to "love". PC xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rip_dime Posted April 15, 2007 Author Share Posted April 15, 2007 well i after a thoughtful weekend i thought id update After a lengthly discussion, we agreed we shall remain close friends, she told me she knows how i feel but whom ever she sees she ends up treeting them like crud and been a knob ed. and she dont wana treat me like that so to conclude we are close friends and thats real cool, but wot she said has me confused... again ladies why can't you jusdt be straight forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted April 15, 2007 Share Posted April 15, 2007 Some of us are straight forward love- but most men run away and hide from it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 ...so to conclude we are close friends and thats real cool, but wot she said has me confused... again ladies why can't you jusdt be straight forward Unless she really does end up treating all the blokes she's with like crud (in which case you're better off without a relationship with her), she's sparing your feelings by not providing you with an explicit reason why she doesn't want a relationship with you. You need to listen to her and take her at her word when she says that she only wants to be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdnaKrabappe Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I've been wandering in and out of a similar situation for the past 6 months. A pattern emerged whereby my mate and I would get a bit drunk, have a laugh, snuggle up in bed and then VERY nearly do something we would almost certainly both regret. He turned me down when I was blantantly asking for it on several occassions. Like babychickens said, I thought it was because he didn't fancy me and I'd thought made a complete **** of myself. But he rejected me because he realised it was the right thing to do for our friendship (which has since gone from strength to strength) and that made me respect him so much. However, I know he sometimes kicks himself for not taking an opportunity that your average bloke would have - nice guys finish last and all that . I have since gone through one more crisis period with him where I thought I was falling completely in love with him and really panicked because I knew we would be no good for each other at the places we are in our lives right now. Turns out that actually I do love him, as a FRIEND. Once I had accepted that it is ok - in fact it is wonderful - to feel like this about a friend, we are getting on with things as normal. We both know we have a friend that we can count on at any time, for any reason. It remains to be seen how I will feel when he gets it together with another woman though. I suspect I will be jealous as hell, but as long as she makes him happy then that is all I want for him. Perhaps the OP should just give it some time and see how their feelings develop. It might happen the same as it did for me, changing from "in love" to "love". PC xxx Was just reading some sage words of advice from you missy. Miss you posting:( but we are still friends (and i still know the aforementioned guy you talk of;) so I get the 3 years later version:)..Also get some words of wisdom from myself earlier in the thread. Reader, She didn't marry him. Anyway this is how I'm feeling at the moment... like Fiona. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8im7WyV5K5M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedders Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 title says it all, turned down the offer of sleeping with her a xmas cos i didn't think it would be rite. Iv now fallen for her big time, but she wants to be friends. She knows i feel that way about her but wants to remain friends. Do i make a fool of ma sen and tell her or carry on been a good friend a hope that something will eventually happen. You thoughts would be much appreciated Me personally, I would look at it this way. If you can see this person being both 'the one' & your best friend then go for it! She sounds like she has some interest in you but has supressed it as she thought you didn't feel the same (i.e XMAS!). If it's just for sex, i'd think twice about going any further as you may well lose the whole friendship. I've been with my other half for 13 years and to this day, honestly, shes still my best friend...as well as the attraction / mutual respect thingy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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