SarahD Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Hello, I wrote this poem a while ago about the Peace Gardens. I thought it would be appropriate due to the weather this weekend. http://herminehaller.blogspot.com/2006/10/english-summer.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Very good Sarah, this describes the Peace Gardens perfectly. Just wish you had made it a bit longer, as it was so enjoyable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 You have captured the image of the Peace Gardens in a lovely piece of work SarahD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Nicely done Sarah. I agree with Shoeshine and Pattricia on this one. A perfect discription and nicely wrote. How about this one... Home thoughts from Sheffield Oh, to be in England Now that April is here And whoever wakes in England Sees, some morning, unaware. Think it will catch on? I await the writ from Mr Browning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scribe Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 I remember the gardens of old ,when me and my mates decieded to be bold , we dropped our kit and ran round the garden ,it's funny how a bit of fresh air gets a ..............Oh no i don't ,but we did.Nice poem S/D:hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HughW Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Hello, This is my first post in this section (I am waiting for my password so I can participate fully). So it's good to have a poem to comment on, and one I like a lot My favourite stanza is the second, especially the sound of it when read aloud. Although after a few times I thought that I didn't quite understand the grammar, I immediately decided it didn't matter. Two suggestions (which are (1) a matter of taste and (2) completely disposable): I like the short pithy lines, and the last line of each of the last two stanzas seem to be a bit long to me in comparison. I would be tempted to cut 'out-stretched' and the 'time' bit of summer-time. Finally I think you should think about removing the word 'mediocre' from your blog title! Hugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Welcome Hugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 Welcome Hugh. Yep, nice to have you onboard Hugh. Look forward to reading some of your work (Sorry for highjacking the thread, Sarah) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahD Posted May 16, 2007 Author Share Posted May 16, 2007 Thanks people for the nice comments, and to Hugh for the suggestions. It's not perfect but I've fiddled around with it so much over time I think I'm just going to leave it as it is. The mediocre bit remains, I still don't feel like most of my writing surpasses it! But thanks all. I'll try and get some new material to post. In the meantime feel free to read the rest of my blog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrobbo Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 A very enjoyable poem. I particularly liked the use of alliteration, and the internal ryhme in the second stanza. Well done SarahD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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