Story: 'Trapped!' by Redrobbo

[Mantaspook]

From Redrobbo:

 

Inspiration for the May theme has proved somewhat elusive! My inspiration

finally came from "Snake", written by one of my favourite poets, D.H.

Lawrence. The poet recalls an encounter with a snake, in which he writes

"I despised myself and the voices of my accursed human education."

That line became my starting point for Trapped!

 

I began this story over a week ago, but was dissatisfied with my efforts. I

have now reworked the story, and now await to see what my fellow Writing

Group reviewers make of it!

 

Trapped! by Redrobbo.

[scribe]

Robbo .You should be well pleased with your work ,i enjoyed the read and i

thought you described the whole piece very well .

[pattricia]

Ive often wondered what it would be like to come face to face with a wild animal, when completely on ones own. This piece sums it up completely.Shows Robbo can write about any subject.

[redrobbo]

Thank you scribe and pattricia for your warm reviews.

 

I never thought I could write a story to a theme chosen by someone else, but I appear to have risen to this challenge.

 

My first attempt was pathetic, as I could not get the story to flow. However, this substantial revision seems to have met with your approval. I'm pleased that I persevered now. Thanks for your encouraging reviews.

 

Red

[coyleys]

Nice one Red

Very descriptive and well written, certainly a change in style.

I like it.

Well done.

[sauerkraut]

Aww, I'm very glad the story ended how it did! It shows that your writing was able to capture - pardon the pun - this reader, since I was so concerned about the outcome.

 

One minor point I noticed was some occasional repetition, e.g. "drizzle" used 3times in paras 2 & 3, and "find" used twice in para 9: perhaps a thesaurus might help find an alternative expression to vary it up a bit?