coyleys Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Great story Shoeshine. I like you I love cats. Our cat Colin seems to be quite fond of us at the moment and unfortunately we seem to get a gift a day....in the form of a mouse or a shrew at the moment. It must be the time of the year Brisbane, as our cat “Kelly” is always bringing gifts in; I think she must have been SAS in a previous incarnation as she occasionally drags in the odd Bison or Wildebeest and sometimes she drags in an unwanted gift like a bailiff or traveler “not nice” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brisbane Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi Coyleys, Yes we have visions of the next door neighbour being dragged through the cat flap feet first one of these days! :hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi Coyleys, Yes we have visions of the next door neighbour being dragged through the cat flap feet first one of these days! :hihi: Arn't pussy cats great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantaspook Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Nice story shoeshine, the dramatic tension was maintained in a very subtle way. However, the ending could be better, rather than the footnote I think you should have ended the story something like this: Battle commences as I repel the invader once more, he’s almost through! I strike the invaders nose, our faces are so close he spits angrily at me as he withdraws his head back through the gate and retreats into the night. My comrades gaze on languidly, indifferent and unconcerned, as only cats can be… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted June 9, 2007 Author Share Posted June 9, 2007 Nice story shoeshine, the dramatic tension was maintained in a very subtle way. However, the ending could be better, rather than the footnote I think you should have ended the story something like this: Battle commences as I repel the invader once more, he’s almost through! I strike the invaders nose, our faces are so close he spits angrily at me as he withdraws his head back through the gate and retreats into the night. My comrades gaze on languidly, indifferent and unconcerned, as only cats can be… Points taken, Mantaspook. I constructed the final parts of the story to retain the foregoing "bluff" of leaving it to the reader's own interpretation of the whole scenario. A castle, maybe? A gateway to a fortification? A vital food store serving an individual household or even a settlement of humans during lean times? I didn't wish to reveal all to the reader by going into a dramatic fight scene which would have had to reveal the nature of the opponents in this nightly battle of wits. The footnote ultimately revealed the "bluff". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.