Thinking of fostering

[Tiggerchick]

Hi amandakm

 

I hope all the negativity on this thread hasn't put you off.

 

Getting back on track to your original question I can provide a personal viewpoint as I went through the care system. I have both negative and positive points I could raise about social services but that isn't what you're asking.

 

In my experience all the people I shared foster homes with were better off in care than with their real parents due to varying circumstances.

 

I experienced both good and bad foster parents and am deeply grateful for my last foster mother who I owe a lot to.

 

We need more decent foster parents who have a genuine interest in the child. Regardless of why a child has been removed from their parents they need to be able to be placed somewhere they can receive support and care wherever possible. This will nearly always be better with foster parents than in a childrens home as foster parents can offer one on one support and be the same person there for the child 24/7. Many children are very confused when they first go into care and the support they get from their foster parent is vital to their healing process.

 

I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't received the support I did from my final foster mother. She encouraged me to be the person I am now and gave me my confidence.

 

If you'd like any other information from the child's point of view (although it's been a few years since I went through the care system) feel free to PM me.

[finoni9]

Hi amandakm

 

I hope all the negativity on this thread hasn't put you off.

 

Getting back on track to your original question I can provide a personal viewpoint as I went through the care system. I have both negative and positive points I could raise about social services but that isn't what you're asking.

 

In my experience all the people I shared foster homes with were better off in care than with their real parents due to varying circumstances.

 

I experienced both good and bad foster parents and am deeply grateful for my last foster mother who I owe a lot to.

 

We need more decent foster parents who have a genuine interest in the child. Regardless of why a child has been removed from their parents they need to be able to be placed somewhere they can receive support and care wherever possible. This will nearly always be better with foster parents than in a childrens home as foster parents can offer one on one support and be the same person there for the child 24/7. Many children are very confused when they first go into care and the support they get from their foster parent is vital to their healing process.

 

I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't received the support I did from my final foster mother. She encouraged me to be the person I am now and gave me my confidence.

 

If you'd like any other information from the child's point of view (although it's been a few years since I went through the care system) feel free to PM me.

 

At last a sensible answer!!!

[finoni9]

Have searched forum for previous threads, only one i can find is quite short on info.

 

Anyway considering this as a new direction. We have the space and our own children are all teens now, also have plenty of experience with children. Bit apprehensive really but very interested. I would really like to hear from carers, their views, the realities, pros and cons etc etc.

 

My husband and I have been fostering for a year and a bit now and I would say that it's very hard work, very emotional, nothing like the training you are given, no money in it (you get expenses only unless you do it privately), you give up a lot of your time with the children, attending meetings, school appts and most of all psychologically draining but VERY WORTH IT if it is really what you are dedicated to doing but not something to take up unless you are really serious and want to HELP THE CHILDREN, cause as a carer your opinion does not count for much but you can provide LOVE and STABILITY and show kids THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY OF LIVING!!

 

Hope this helps!

[redrobbo]

All of the cases you mention may be perfectly true. However consider these scenarios with a slight variation to challenge the point, and witness the twisted truth that occurs in some cases.

 

What twisted truth are you rabbiting on about cerebum? I was the social worker involved in every case I related. So, let's stick to the facts, and not invent your own twisted scenarios....

 

The mother who tried to kill herself did not achieve her goal, and no longer feels the same as she did on that particular 3am. Her son was removed from her care to strangers in the middle of the night, dazed and traumatised by his ordeal. When other willing family members or friends were available who her son knew and he would have been more comfortable with, if the social worker had taken the time to check her address book or ask. The boy desperately wanted to return to his mother after hearing that she was well and able again to look after him better than before the incident. However social services deemed her unfit to have her son returned to her care and her son was placed in permanent foster care where he was unhappy and mentally tortured by comments that his mother was not fit to look after him, because ss workers and their sycophants deemed it so to balance their accounts whilst guised as acting in the best interests of the child.

 

The little boy in question was fostered overnight. Next day, I arranged for him to be cared for by his grandmother - who lived in another county.

No-one ever commented that his mother was unfit to look after him. His grandma and myself told him his mum was unwell and in hospital - and we even took him to visit his mum in hospital so he could see her. When Mum was discharged from hospital, and well enough to resume care of her little boy and following a risk assessment, he was returned home in under a week. Mum was provided with much needed support services and psychiatric after-care, and I arranged for her little boy to go to nursery school part-time.

 

 

Again instead of contacting family members for children who surely would have been old enough to give names and addresses; as on trips in Snowdonia; ss put them into foster care, so that even the mother who was the victim of a crime could not have her children back for some time even after her recovery. Whereas at the same time the ss permitted the father access to his children, but the mother had none until she was out of hospital as though it was her fault.

 

The two brothers were well known to me. Their nearest relatives, grandparents actually, lived in Australia!

The father had no access to his sons, as he was remanded in custody to prison charged with GBH.

I took both boys to visit their mother in hospital on several occasions. It was a month before mum had recovered sufficiently well from her injuries before the brothers returned from foster parent care to resume living at home with her.

 

Where a father is accused of killing his wife when really she had an accident in the bath or killed herself. Going through this trauma and accused of a crime, his children are taken from him at such a difficult time for them all, and placed in foster care, against all their wishes, before any facts are established, he is guilty before being proved innocent by social services. Once again no family or friends were allowed to take the children in. Presumably because this would not meet ss targets or generate any income, although it would save taxpayers money and the children would be happier and could continue to be monitored.

 

Did you deliberately overlook that I posted that one of the two girls had witnessed her father drowning her mother? In fact, this 12 year old had unsuccessfully struggled to release her father's grip as he held his wife under the bath water.

Have you completely lost all sense of reality when you post that the father in this case was "guilty before being proved innocent by social services"? He was under arrest by the police for murder!

This horrible incident occurred late on a Saturday night. The house had been sealed by the police as a scene of crime, and no-one was allowed inside until forensic investigations had been undertaken. Neither of the girls could remember their relative's addresses.

In the circumstances, I placed the two girls with caring foster parents in the middle of the night. Fortunately, next day, Social Services were able to establish contact with an aunt and uncle in the north-west of England, who the two sisters went to stay with later that same day.

 

My aim is not to argue whether redrobbo's account is accurate in defence of social workers, but that the scenarios I have proposed also happen and that these children and their families need defending. It is possible that some of the extreme and immediate circumstances are constructed by social workers and that this is the element of soul destroying corruption I am talking about.

 

You failed cerebrum. You twisted real life events to suit your own argument. Those real life events had no bearing on your own twisted slant of what might have happened. Your constructs lose all sense of reality.

 

IT IS A CRIME which if outed many social workers would find themselves behind bars. So in the same vain as argued by another social worker already to this thread - why would social workers jump up and admit that they had done something wrong and profited from the misery of children, for that promotion or new house, or holiday in the tropics?!

 

What arrant nonsense! You are actually suggesting that social workers are paid a salary bonus (to spend on a new house or a topical holiday!) for taking kids into care. Your presumption is just too ridiculous for words.

 

How for instance, would you account for social workers being alerted to a household consisting of only a mother trying to kill herself and her son at 3am in the morning?

 

I was the duty social worker on-call that night, and she rang me to tell me she had taken an overdose.

 

 

As for the young child with 90 bruises all over her body taken from her home on a sunday afternoon by social workers waving a protection order. And why wait until sunday afternoon if the bruises had been found presumably earlier in order to know that the child had bruises in the first place? Could it be - there were NO bruises at all when she was taken from her mother?!

 

I didn't wait until a Sunday afternoon to take action. The mother and child were not known to Social Services. I was rung by a concerned neighbour of this family, as I was the emergency duty social worker on call that weekend. This was the first report of any concerns for the safety and well being of this little girl. A hospital medical examination confirmed two bruised eyes, lacerations to the face, neck and shoulders, whip marks on the torso, and numerous bruises akin to being hit with a blunt object, on arms, legs, chest and back. In totality, 90 bruises of a non-accidental nature.

 

 

There are countless accounts of children taken for made up allegations, by a corrupt core of social workers, from innocent families. Are you suggesting redrobbo that these children and families don't matter or don't exist?

 

I wasn't responding to you cerebum, but to the OP. You've hi-jacked this thread for other purposes than a response to the OP for information on fostering.

 

The social workers that have commented in this thread have been very defensive, as though this was an offence against the social workers. I think this captures a snapshot of the closed minds of social workers. It is typical of any group where a few have spoiled the reputation of the rest. However there exists a silent population of 100,000's of people in this country alone, suffering the offences of social workers upon children and their natural families.

 

I believe that it is you cerebum who has a closed mind. This thread is about a request for information on fostering, not an examination of alleged miscarriages of justice allegedly affecting hundreds of thousands of families.

 

I would imagine that concientous and caring foster carers would want to establish facts before profiting from the misery of children and their families. Perhaps for it to be a truly philanthropic act, payment would not be involved - only the financial needs of the children to be met and the living costs per child to be met as they occur not in advance, and not leaving the spending on the children to chance, and really foster carers are really money laundering and children either remain badly treated or become worse off than they ever were.

 

Now you've taken off into the realms of sheer lunacy I'm afraid. However, I'm sure readers have noted your warped opinion that children who are fostered are either badly treated or worse off, and that their foster carers are just money laundering. I won't even attempt to respond to your ludicrous claims - they are just too preposterous to dignify with an answer.

 

Many parents accused of abuse are then imprisoned without trial. One particular case that comes to mind is of a parent who was caught by a teacher giving her son a coat when he was visibly shivvering in the school yard in just a t-shirt, the teacher subsequently informed social services and the parent was arrested and imprisoned for breaking a court order. Although the childs best interests were obviously not being served by any other than the parent that day.

 

There are countless other stories, and much more grim.

 

Once more, you are completely off-topic. This thread is about a request for information on fostering.

 

Foster carers as individuals should join the fight against these injustices not just buy into the accounts of social workers. Good social workers have nothing to fear from more transparency in the system.

 

I am glad if I have provoked more thought on the subject as it is one that deserves serious consideration by all involved or potentially getting involved.

 

Why should foster carers join any fight cerebum? You've just castigated foster parents for being money launderers and claimed that the children in their care are always badly treated or worse off.

 

I trust that OP is not put off making further enquiries about fostering due to the exaggerated claims of cerebum.

[trixi]

well said redrobo, I can not believe the mind set of some forumers on here, totally mad!

 

I have not yet heard of a parent who admits to neglect/abuse, strangley enough, they are all totally innocent

 

Do you honestly think social workers sit in their office with the yellow pages picking names out at random to harass!

[maramcp]

Second my thanks Redrobbo, it was great to read something cool-headed. I am considering fostering and having threads hijacked as this one was really concerning me. Thanks to those who PM'ed me with supportive messages.

[mel77]

hmmmmm:suspect: just picked up this thread and as a school nurse who works with alot of fostered, neglected, abused children i just wondered where CONFIDENTIALITY had gone in all this .....do you really think discussing specific cases as a s/w is appropiate!?!?!

 

Not very impressed! These topics should not be discussed on here and espcially not from the lead social worker!!!

 

What twisted truth are you rabbiting on about cerebum? I was the social worker involved in every case I related. So, let's stick to the facts, and not invent your own twisted scenarios....

 

 

 

The little boy in question was fostered overnight. Next day, I arranged for him to be cared for by his grandmother - who lived in another county.

No-one ever commented that his mother was unfit to look after him. His grandma and myself told him his mum was unwell and in hospital - and we even took him to visit his mum in hospital so he could see her. When Mum was discharged from hospital, and well enough to resume care of her little boy and following a risk assessment, he was returned home in under a week. Mum was provided with much needed support services and psychiatric after-care, and I arranged for her little boy to go to nursery school part-time.

 

 

 

 

The two brothers were well known to me. Their nearest relatives, grandparents actually, lived in Australia!

The father had no access to his sons, as he was remanded in custody to prison charged with GBH.

I took both boys to visit their mother in hospital on several occasions. It was a month before mum had recovered sufficiently well from her injuries before the brothers returned from foster parent care to resume living at home with her.

 

 

 

Did you deliberately overlook that I posted that one of the two girls had witnessed her father drowning her mother? In fact, this 12 year old had unsuccessfully struggled to release her father's grip as he held his wife under the bath water.

Have you completely lost all sense of reality when you post that the father in this case was "guilty before being proved innocent by social services"? He was under arrest by the police for murder!

This horrible incident occurred late on a Saturday night. The house had been sealed by the police as a scene of crime, and no-one was allowed inside until forensic investigations had been undertaken. Neither of the girls could remember their relative's addresses.

In the circumstances, I placed the two girls with caring foster parents in the middle of the night. Fortunately, next day, Social Services were able to establish contact with an aunt and uncle in the north-west of England, who the two sisters went to stay with later that same day.

 

 

 

You failed cerebrum. You twisted real life events to suit your own argument. Those real life events had no bearing on your own twisted slant of what might have happened. Your constructs lose all sense of reality.

 

 

 

What arrant nonsense! You are actually suggesting that social workers are paid a salary bonus (to spend on a new house or a topical holiday!) for taking kids into care. Your presumption is just too ridiculous for words.

 

 

 

I was the duty social worker on-call that night, and she rang me to tell me she had taken an overdose.

 

 

 

 

I didn't wait until a Sunday afternoon to take action. The mother and child were not known to Social Services. I was rung by a concerned neighbour of this family, as I was the emergency duty social worker on call that weekend. This was the first report of any concerns for the safety and well being of this little girl. A hospital medical examination confirmed two bruised eyes, lacerations to the face, neck and shoulders, whip marks on the torso, and numerous bruises akin to being hit with a blunt object, on arms, legs, chest and back. In totality, 90 bruises of a non-accidental nature.

 

 

 

 

I wasn't responding to you cerebum, but to the OP. You've hi-jacked this thread for other purposes than a response to the OP for information on fostering.

 

 

 

I believe that it is you cerebum who has a closed mind. This thread is about a request for information on fostering, not an examination of alleged miscarriages of justice allegedly affecting hundreds of thousands of families.

 

 

 

Now you've taken off into the realms of sheer lunacy I'm afraid. However, I'm sure readers have noted your warped opinion that children who are fostered are either badly treated or worse off, and that their foster carers are just money laundering. I won't even attempt to respond to your ludicrous claims - they are just too preposterous to dignify with an answer.

 

 

 

Once more, you are completely off-topic. This thread is about a request for information on fostering.

 

 

 

Why should foster carers join any fight cerebum? You've just castigated foster parents for being money launderers and claimed that the children in their care are always badly treated or worse off.

 

I trust that OP is not put off making further enquiries about fostering due to the exaggerated claims of cerebum.

[mel77]

Originally Posted by cerebrum

Many parents accused of abuse are then imprisoned without trial. One particular case that comes to mind is of a parent who was caught by a teacher giving her son a coat when he was visibly shivvering in the school yard in just a t-shirt, the teacher subsequently informed social services and the parent was arrested and imprisoned for breaking a court order. Although the childs best interests were obviously not being served by any other than the parent that day.

 

There are countless other stories, and much more grim.

 

2 words: Court and order.

 

This means for whatever reason the mother cannot go near the child..and this will be with good reason, court orders arn't dished out lightly, not often enough in some cases....

[mel77]

 

Wrong again!

 

Alot of children who are abused, neglected do say they want to go home, they may have learning difficulties or not fully understand why they have been taken away. Alot of children, even though have had a horrible exsistance only know this as 'home' and 'normal' and no matter what 'parents' have done, unfortunatley mummy and daddy (no matter how bad in 'adults eyes' are still mummy and daddy to that child. I see this happen alot. The child feels guilty for wanting to leave, too scared to admit they don't want to be there, alot of children, even young ones feel a need to protect their 'abuser' and will say they want to go home. others are 'groomed' so fearful and conditioned to say these things....

 

what do you do cerebrum for a job out of interest!?!?

[redrobbo]

hmmmmm:suspect: just picked up this thread and as a school nurse who works with alot of fostered, neglected, abused children i just wondered where CONFIDENTIALITY had gone in all this .....do you really think discussing specific cases as a s/w is appropiate!?!?!

 

Not very impressed! These topics should not be discussed on here and espcially not from the lead social worker!!!

 

I can allay your concerns mel77.

 

My examples of fostering situations are from nearly 30 years ago and from outside of Sheffield (where I have never worked) to maintain confidentiality. I should have made that clear in my original post.